Should my Dad be killed?

[Slopeshoulder]

My father, a great guy who never hurt a fly, always followed the rules, rose up from public housing to a great career and put 5 sons through college, went to school on a track scholarship, active in church, never missed mass, worked in charity, and served in the army, has ALS, late stage. He is locked in, can only move his eyes, can't express when he has back pain, neck pain, or sadness. He has a feeding tube. Bed sores too. But in addition, he has symptoms not associated with ALS, like loss of bladder and bowel control (as well as impaction), rage, crying, and delusional thinking (some theorize that he has "chronic lyme"). He is also slowly choking and needs his lungs vaccumed. The condition is always fatal, always. Because he's strong as a horse, he's taking a long time to die (years). His situation is "the torture of the damned" as my grandmother would say, and "toe curlingly sad" as my brother says.
All the stuff about comfort care turned out to be a crock, a lie. His "care" is a joke, doctors lie, and he is a mere statistic for their failed research (best places in NY, DC, and Boston).

He wants out. He's reconciled. He's ready. He also wants to stop spending money so my mom has more to live on, and he wants to slow down her aging because caring for him is really aging her quickly (plus she's near deaf and has a slipped disk).

Should he be allowed dr. assisted suicide? (He can't do it himself, and no one is suggesting euthanasia, or murder). I suggested he go for it a few years ago, but now he's ready. Can we help him out of his misery?

Would anyone wave a bible verse or doctrine in his face and tell him to suck it up? And call themselves compassionate christians?

[Baz]

I find it very difficult to say what somebody else should do.
For myself I have no wish to be kept alive beyond a point where I can eat, breath and move for myself, or in any state that caused continues pain.

If we use our medical knowledge to extend our lives in cases where we would otherwise die, why can’t we take direct action to end these lives rather than what seems to be the present position of just removing life support/drugs and waiting?
As for the ability to make the decision point of view. I am as sane now as I ever have been and I would happily carry a do not resuscitate or prolong my life card, if they existed.

[cnorman18]

Not only does it seem right to me to help your father end his life, it seems wrong to me not to. I hope his ordeal ends soon, one way or the other, and that you can find a way to help him.

As a caregiver, I've seen this kind of situation more often than I'd like. My thought always goes back to, "We can put down a dog or a horse to end its pointless suffering, and know it for what it is -- an act of kindness. How cruel that we will not do it for our own species." That this is even controversial, in cases like your father's, makes no sense to me.

[Suluby]

My father, a great guy who never hurt a fly, always followed the rules, rose up from public housing to a great career and put 5 sons through college, went to school on a track scholarship, active in church, never missed mass, worked in charity, and served in the army, has ALS, late stage. He is locked in, can only move his eyes, can't express when he has back pain, neck pain, or sadness. He has a feeding tube. Bed sores too. But in addition, he has symptoms not associated with ALS, like loss of bladder and bowel control (as well as impaction), rage, crying, and delusional thinking (some theorize that he has "chronic lyme"). He is also slowly choking and needs his lungs vaccumed. The condition is always fatal, always. Because he's strong as a horse, he's taking a long time to die (years). His situation is "the torture of the damned" as my grandmother would say, and "toe curlingly sad" as my brother says.
All the stuff about comfort care turned out to be a crock, a lie. His "care" is a joke, doctors lie, and he is a mere statistic for their failed research (best places in NY, DC, and Boston).

He wants out. He's reconciled. He's ready. He also wants to stop spending money so my mom has more to live on, and he wants to slow down her aging because caring for him is really aging her quickly (plus she's near deaf and has a slipped disk).

Should he be allowed dr. assisted suicide? (He can't do it himself, and no one is suggesting euthanasia, or murder). I suggested he go for it a few years ago, but now he's ready. Can we help him out of his misery?

Would anyone wave a bible verse or doctrine in his face and tell him to suck it up? And call themselves compassionate christians?

I wish I could do more for you & your father than just offer my sympathy.

As a health care professional, I know what he is going through. And as a child, I know what you are going through.

Many people seem to relate a damaged body to a damaged mind. They aren't related. I understand that your Dad is locked in ..... but can he communicate by blinking? In front of his doctor, he may be able to request that his feeding tube be removed. I have never understood the logic of saying that we can't alter G-d's "plan" when the same people have no problem with using technology to artificially prolong life. We have already altered whatever plan there may be by inserting a feeding tube.

I always tried to advocate for my patients ..... whether I agreed with their decisions or not. The choice wasn't mine to make for them ..... it was their choice to make. The best we can do is to help them carry out their choice.

I wish you luck in finding a way to help your Dad carry out his decision. It won't be easy.

But it should be.


.

[Dantalion]

My father, a great guy who never hurt a fly, always followed the rules, rose up from public housing to a great career and put 5 sons through college, went to school on a track scholarship, active in church, never missed mass, worked in charity, and served in the army, has ALS, late stage. He is locked in, can only move his eyes, can't express when he has back pain, neck pain, or sadness. He has a feeding tube. Bed sores too. But in addition, he has symptoms not associated with ALS, like loss of bladder and bowel control (as well as impaction), rage, crying, and delusional thinking (some theorize that he has "chronic lyme"). He is also slowly choking and needs his lungs vaccumed. The condition is always fatal, always. Because he's strong as a horse, he's taking a long time to die (years). His situation is "the torture of the damned" as my grandmother would say, and "toe curlingly sad" as my brother says.
All the stuff about comfort care turned out to be a crock, a lie. His "care" is a joke, doctors lie, and he is a mere statistic for their failed research (best places in NY, DC, and Boston).

He wants out. He's reconciled. He's ready. He also wants to stop spending money so my mom has more to live on, and he wants to slow down her aging because caring for him is really aging her quickly (plus she's near deaf and has a slipped disk).

Should he be allowed dr. assisted suicide? (He can't do it himself, and no one is suggesting euthanasia, or murder). I suggested he go for it a few years ago, but now he's ready. Can we help him out of his misery?

Would anyone wave a bible verse or doctrine in his face and tell him to suck it up? And call themselves compassionate christians?

I think the silence from the 'all life is sacred' side is saying enough.
It seems easy to spout about dogmatic convictions in normal, public situations, until actually confronted with something that puts said convictions to the test.
Saying your father doesn't have any right to do with his 'godgiven' gift of life what in this situation is clearly the most humane option, is disgusting, but hey that's what they believe and want to enforce upon you by law, don't let them lie to your face and claim otherwise.

Anyway, I wish you the best and I hope the painful situation will be resolved asap

[playhavock]

If you can find a legal way to do so - euthunisa seems the way to go. Forget whatever the bible says - this is someone who wants to pass on - and has good reasions for doing so.