*THE VAST HOMOSEXUAL CONSPIRACY*

[The Persnickety Platypus]

This is it. The day of reckoning.

There is no doubt. No more fooling ourselves. A haunting specter has arisen. It's broad hand casts a shadow over our societies most hallowed institutions, and will advert it's force at nothing short of it's ultimate goal:

WORLD DOMINATION


Religious Conservatives have been warning us for years. They have fought countless foes in the perpetration of their noble message (evidence, logic, facts, reason), yet bravely continue their plight of truth. Dauntless and enduring, their message miraculously survives today, even despite the hoards of autocratic homosexual liberal communist abortionists currently controlling our society.

Beware of Liberals; do not succumb to their evil agenda! They will try to smooth talk you, catch you off guard, lead you astray. They will inquire as to why "so called moral Christians" are not concerned with the "real" matters plaquing our world; global poverty, insufficient health care, the energy crisis, global warming, the national debt, inflation, malnutrition, natural disasters, plaque. What they do not realize is that it is the dreaded HOMOSEXUALS who are perpetrating all these ailments!!! It's True!!!

Homosexuals are stealing food from the hungry!!!
Homosexuals are injecting people with illnesses and stealing the government subsidised funds aimed at curing them!!!
Homosexuals are using up all our oil!!!
Homosexuals are melting to polar ice caps, causing sea levels to rise!!!
Homosexuals are responsible for the uncompensated government spending!!! They blackmailed Reagan into starting it, and are doing the same to Bush!!!
Homosexuals are warming the seas and sprinkling magical hurricane dust into the atmosphere!!! They created all the hurricanes last year, and are planning even more this year!!!
Wondering why your dollar isn't worth as much nowadays? Homosexuals!!!
Homosexuals have hi-jacked our education system!!! They are conducting new anal sex classes, and indocrinating our innocent children to their evil ways!!!
Homosexuals eat kittens!!!
Homosexuals seek to destroy the institution of marriage!!! Once gaining ultimate political power, they will decree that all couples separate and choose new same-sex partners!!!
Homosexuals order thousands of babies to be aborted every year against the mother and father's will!!!
Homosexuals are currently in the process of BANNING CHRISTIANITY!!! Don't be mislead by the fact that 98% of our elected leaders are professed Christians!!! Liberal lies!!!



Time is waning! We must do something about these homosexuals, lest they destroy all we hold dear! Now that you are aware of the full extend of the homosexual agenda, you are probably wondering what you can do to join the resistance.

(1) First and foremost, you must sign the petition. Upon signing, you will be admitted to my underground gay/liberal/feminist/abortionist/evolutionist/humanist resistance movement dubbed F.A.G. (Fight Against Gays). Further instruction will follow.

1. The Persnickety Platypus
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Our official chant (to be used whenever faced with a particularly compelling pro-gay rights argument) is thus:

"Man+Woman good, Man+Man bad"

(Lyrics by George Orwell)


(2) To avoid indoctrination into the homosexual liberal communist feminist humanist evolutionist abortionist lesbian dogma, one must wear a string of garlic around his neck. (I am told that this also helps fend off vampires. How convenient!)


(3) One must make their social stance known. A few suggestions:

- Make all your posts on message boards related to homosexuality. Never talk about anything that actually matters. Start lots of anti-homo/liberal/evolutionist/feminist/abortionist/ect threads, but never present any actual arguments or evidence. Especially evidence. Evidence is for liberals.

- Loudly exclaim "Ewww that's gross" whenever homosexuality is mentioned in a public setting.

- Stage obnoxious protests outside military funerals. Hold up signs with slogans like "God hates fags" and "America is going to hell for tolerating gays". For more information, visit http://www.godhatesfags.com.




Now, let's get some intelligent discussion going. Questions for debate:

1. What other venues of society have the homosexuals infiltrated?
2. What else can we do to stop them?

[methylatedghosts]

Let us also not forget the fact that they are infiltrating our youth and encouraging them to become Gay themselves in an attempt to take over by sheer numbers.

Confused is quite right. They are trying to take over by sheer numbers. Why do you think they are so keen to introduce homosexual marriage?

Yes!

They intend to out breed us!!!

Hang on.... out-breed us?

[Cathar1950]

On a side note, why does the slogan not also include woman +woman=Bad?

Because woman+woman= hot.[/quote

That is so wrong it has me laughing my off my seat. One of the girls I work with is a lesbian (I have to admit, if I was one, I would do her, she is pretty) and she says the most frequent response she gets when she turns a guy down because of her preference, the always ask if they can at least watch. I find it hilarious, so does she. She is very pretty. And unless she told you, you would never believe she only likes women. She doesn't act like it, look like it, and has a flirty personality with both sexes. But it is just her personality.

Your coworker sounds like such a slut.
Does she havew any picture and can you get her phone number?
What I like about gay men is that it increases my odds.

[Confused]

On a side note, why does the slogan not also include woman +woman=Bad?

Because woman+woman= hot.[/quote

That is so wrong it has me laughing my off my seat. One of the girls I work with is a lesbian (I have to admit, if I was one, I would do her, she is pretty) and she says the most frequent response she gets when she turns a guy down because of her preference, the always ask if they can at least watch. I find it hilarious, so does she. She is very pretty. And unless she told you, you would never believe she only likes women. She doesn't act like it, look like it, and has a flirty personality with both sexes. But it is just her personality.

Your coworker sounds like such a slut.
Does she havew any picture and can you get her phone number?
What I like about gay men is that it increases my odds.

Actually, she is pickier than I am. Pretty bad huh. But she would tell you that you have too much equipment for her likings.

[Cathar1950]

On a side note, why does the slogan not also include woman +woman=Bad?

Because woman+woman= hot.[/quote

That is so wrong it has me laughing my off my seat. One of the girls I work with is a lesbian (I have to admit, if I was one, I would do her, she is pretty) and she says the most frequent response she gets when she turns a guy down because of her preference, the always ask if they can at least watch. I find it hilarious, so does she. She is very pretty. And unless she told you, you would never believe she only likes women. She doesn't act like it, look like it, and has a flirty personality with both sexes. But it is just her personality.

Your coworker sounds like such a slut.
Does she have any picture and can you get her phone number?
What I like about gay men is that it increases my odds.

Actually, she is pickier than I am. Pretty bad huh. But she would tell you that you have too much equipment for her likings.

I would just say my ovaries dropped and that was a large something.
Of course I am joking. I really don't want her picture or phone number.
I have a number of friends that happen to be lesbians. In the winter I wear a rainbow scarf that my daughters grand mother made for them but they liked mine so we traded. Then every one wanted a scarf like it and another friend made about 7 of them and they(the scarfs) are all over the place. They are friends of my daughters but they stayed with me for awhile and they kept my place so clean I didn't want them to move. So when friends ask me if it is a gay scarf I say no it is a lesbian scarf. I don't really think your coworker is a slut, I was just trying to be funny. Don't say anything to her.

They did like my cooking.
I don't think there is a vast conspiracy, I think to many people just don't like seeing them beat up and hounded for something they can't help.
They have a right to love and affection and I don't think God minds.

[micatala]

Let us also not forget the fact that they are infiltrating our youth and encouraging them to become Gay themselves in an attempt to take over by sheer numbers.

Confused is quite right. They are trying to take over by sheer numbers. Why do you think they are so keen to introduce homosexual marriage?

Yes!

They intend to out breed us!!!

Hang on.... out-breed us?

Didn't you hear!

Mary Cheney is pregnant

[/satire alert]
THis is striking out the heart of our Christian society! She's Republican for crying out loud! How can we defend the barricades when 'the enemy is us!' We should have nuked San Francisco when all the gays lived there. Now they have spread all over the country, and even into God's Own Party.

[/end of satire alert]

[methylatedghosts]

Didn't you hear!

Mary Cheney is pregnant

[/satire alert]
THis is striking out the heart of our Christian society! She's Republican for crying out loud! How can we defend the barricades when 'the enemy is us!' We should have nuked San Francisco when all the gays lived there. Now they have spread all over the country, and even into God's Own Party.

[/end of satire alert]

Oh dear, tell us, oh master, what must we do?!?!

[Confused]

Let us also not forget the fact that they are infiltrating our youth and encouraging them to become Gay themselves in an attempt to take over by sheer numbers.

Confused is quite right. They are trying to take over by sheer numbers. Why do you think they are so keen to introduce homosexual marriage?

Yes!

They intend to out breed us!!!

Hang on.... out-breed us?

Didn't you hear!

Mary Cheney is pregnant

[/satire alert]
THis is striking out the heart of our Christian society! She's Republican for crying out loud! How can we defend the barricades when 'the enemy is us!' We should have nuked San Francisco when all the gays lived there. Now they have spread all over the country, and even into God's Own Party.

[/end of satire alert]

I haven't laughed this hard in weeks. What is really bad is I just started back into Yoga and my core muscles are so sore that laughing hurts so bad, but I can't stop. :D/

[micatala]

Didn't you hear!

Mary Cheney is pregnant

[/satire alert]
THis is striking out the heart of our Christian society! She's Republican for crying out loud! How can we defend the barricades when 'the enemy is us!' We should have nuked San Francisco when all the gays lived there. Now they have spread all over the country, and even into God's Own Party.

[/end of satire alert]

Oh dear, tell us, oh master, what must we do?!?!

Fight fire with fire!!

We must relegalize polygamy for 'good people' so we can breed good gay-bashing believers faster than they can breed godless homosexual liberal secularist femi-nazis. Anyone wanting a polygamy license will have to apply through selected license outlets (Focus on Family, CWA, 700 club, etc. We can appoint PHyllis Schlafly polygamy czar to coordinate)

I haven't laughed this hard in weeks. What is really bad is I just started back into Yoga and my core muscles are so sore that laughing hurts so bad, but I can't stop.

Laughing!! HOw can you be laughing!! This is serious business!!

Of course, your first mistake is getting into that New Age, demonic yoga business in the first place. Didn't you know that was originated by godless orientals who have no respect for life, liberty, or the pursuit of guns for everyone! It's all a plot to get you to be contemplating your navel when you should be saying the pledge of allegiance. No wonder you hurt so bad! Forget that stuff. If you want to get in shape, get into something American like a buns-o-steel video or something.

[Confused]

Micatala:

micatala on another sarcasm-pill induced tirade wrote:


Laughing!! HOw can you be laughing!! This is serious business!!

Of course, your first mistake is getting into that New Age, demonic yoga business in the first place. Didn't you know that was originated by godless orientals who have no respect for life, liberty, or the pursuit of guns for everyone! It's all a plot to get you to be contemplating your navel when you should be saying the pledge of allegiance. No wonder you hurt so bad! Forget that stuff. If you want to get in shape, get into something American like a buns-o-steel video or something.

You are killing me. Does it count that includes Pilates as well? Besides, the instructor is way hot, totally makes it worth it. I can honestly say I have never heard of Yoga being called demonic, but as sore as I am right now, there might be some truth to it. Running 4 miles a day isn't torture enough. Guess I am too addicted to endorphins.

[micatala]

Micatala:

micatala on another sarcasm-pill induced tirade wrote:


Laughing!! HOw can you be laughing!! This is serious business!!

Of course, your first mistake is getting into that New Age, demonic yoga business in the first place. Didn't you know that was originated by godless orientals who have no respect for life, liberty, or the pursuit of guns for everyone! It's all a plot to get you to be contemplating your navel when you should be saying the pledge of allegiance. No wonder you hurt so bad! Forget that stuff. If you want to get in shape, get into something American like a buns-o-steel video or something.

You are killing me. Does it count that includes Pilates as well? Besides, the instructor is way hot, totally makes it worth it. I can honestly say I have never heard of Yoga being called demonic, but as sore as I am right now, there might be some truth to it. Running 4 miles a day isn't torture enough. Guess I am too addicted to endorphins.

Pilates!!!!!!!!

You are in much worse shape than I thought.

Just look at the word! It's obviously derived from Pilate, as in the infamous Pontius Pilate. Combining evil orientals with evil Romans is only going to get you to a very hot place that much faster.

As far as the instructor being hot, I am not even going to go there.
You know what the Bible says about lust.

I just hope to God it is actually a He, otherwise I am going to have to report you to Exodus ministries.