Daily laugh

[FinalEnigma]

Everybody likes to laugh, so I thought I'd amuse myself by starting a thread with the purpose of just posting whatever funny things you come across to brighten others' days just a little bit. So feel free to post away. it can be jokes, pictures, funny stories, anything that makes you laugh.

[FinalEnigma]

wonderful video here. Sorry Charles.

[cnorman18]

wonderful video here. Sorry Charles.

Thanks, J, but I should be able to see it in a few days. I'm upgrading to the new Curve, and it's supposed to have video capability. I'll let you know.

[e_Hazel]

I saw a group of tourists today posing for a picture. One of them put the 'bunny ears' behind another's head while the photo was being taken. A stranger walked by and said "Hey look, a bunny!"

It sounded genuine!!
it was quite funny.

[cnorman18]

A pair of newlyweds, about to leave on their honeymoon cruise, go into a drugstore and fill the bride's new prescription for birth control pills. They also buy a large bottle of Dramamine (anti-seasickness pills).

As they're checking out, the clerk asks, "It's none of my business, guys, but if it makes you feel like that, why do you do it?"

[FinalEnigma]

Q: What do you call what happens when you cut a jack'o'lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi!





Mathematician: Pi r squared

Baker: No! Pie are round, cakes are square!

[Vanguard]

A man goes to a psychologist and says, "Doc, I got a real problem. I can't stop thinking about sex."

The psychologist says, "Well, let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.

The man turns the picture updside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"

The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The psychologist tries again with the third ink blot and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"

The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."

"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"

[Furrowed Brow]

Ricky Gervais on Genesis

Warning: F-word used.

[GrumpyMrGruff]

Among all these poems, a few
of the best recite old jokes anew.
But there's one I don't see,
And the reason must be:
In Russia, the limerick writes you.
- LimerickDB

I'm a sucker for Yakov Smirnoff jokes.

[McCulloch]

My large, ornamental goldfish are hiding at the bottom of their pond. Are they afraid of something, or are they just being koi?

[cnorman18]

The "Aggie joke" is a genre of Texas humor that seems to be peculiar to my state. "Polack jokes" and "Little Moron" jokes are analogous, but not quite the same.

"Aggies" are students at, or graduates of, Texas A & M University in College Station, Texas. The premise of most of the jokes is that Aggies are dirty, uncouth, and most of all, not terribly bright. Some real Aggies collect books of Aggie jokes and love them; some hate them and will hit you if you try to tell one. I have many relatives who are Aggies, of both kinds.

Here are a few:

----

911 receives a call from an Aggie who has been in a car wreck. "You gotta help me!" he shouts. "My buddy is lying on the ground and I think he's dead!"

"Calm down, sir," says the dispatcher. "Help is on the way."

"What do I do?"

"First, make sure your friend is dead."

"Okay. Just a minute." There is a pause, and then the dispatcher hears the sound of a gunshot.

The Aggie returns to the phone. "Okay, now what?"

----

An Aggie approaches a guy on the beach who is surrounded by beautiful girls in bikinis. "Hey, can I talk to you a second?"

"Sure, buddy. What can I do for you?"

"How do you get all these girls to hang around you like that?"

The guy takes him aside and says, "See that fruit stand over there?"

"Yeah..."

"Go over there and buy a good-sized orange. Then put it down inside your swimsuit. That's all."

"That's all?"

"That's it. The girls with flock to you."

"I'll try it!"

The Aggie comes back a short time later. "It didn't work!" he complains. "Now they're gagging and running away from me!"

The guy looks at him. "Well, first, you're supposed to put the orange down the front of your suit...."

----

An Aggie comes into a hardware store carrying a chain saw. "I want my money back!" he shouts. "I bought this saw here yesterday, and it's not worth a damn!"

"What's wrong with it, sir?" asks an approaching clerk.

"It's just no good! It took me all afternoon to cut down this skinny little tree in my yard!"

The clerk says, "Well, let me see if I can figure out what's wrong with it." The Aggie hands him the saw, and the clerk pulls the starting cord. As the saw roars into life, the Aggie jumps back and shouts, "What's that noise?"

----

Short takes:

Two Aggies went bear hunting. They saw a sign on the highway that said "Bear Left" - so they went home.

Shortly after the Moon landings, scientists at Texas A&M announced a planned landing on the Sun. When asked about the danger of their spacecraft being burnt up, they nodded wisely and said, "We have that covered. We're gonna go at night."

What do you call 144 Aggies?
Gross ignorance.

Why are Aggies an ecological crisis?
If they bathe, they pollute the water. If they don't bathe, they pollute the air.

Why did they close the library at A&M?
Somebody colored both of the books.