Creativity Thread
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Creativity Thread
Post #1This is for members to post their creative works; literary, visual or others.
Last edited by Corvus on Mon Apr 25, 2005 5:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
<i>'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'</i>
-John Keats, Ode on a Grecian Urn.
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'</i>
-John Keats, Ode on a Grecian Urn.
- FinalEnigma
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Post #51
If you are curious Evales, the reason you have trouble spelling when you are doing art is because it uses a different part of the brain to do art than to spell. when you are doing art and get really into it, after like 15-30 minutes you will find that you can't spell for beans, or perform very logic-intense tasks. I get the same way when I write. I get really into the writing and can't do other things nearly as well until my brain gets back to functioning normally.
Post #52
You are the one devastating
No one that is just complaining
About your life so superficial
Institution's nothing special
From the light comes transformation
Turning back to segregation
Breathing hate you're suicidal
Beckoning your deaths arrival
Go consult your congregation
Knowing Hell's your destination
Maintain soul tranquility
Leading to soul sterility
No one that is just complaining
About your life so superficial
Institution's nothing special
From the light comes transformation
Turning back to segregation
Breathing hate you're suicidal
Beckoning your deaths arrival
Go consult your congregation
Knowing Hell's your destination
Maintain soul tranquility
Leading to soul sterility
Post #53
Every single one wants me
Everyone wants to flaunt me
Pack me up and lock me in their little rusted box.
Every single eye sees me
Everybody's blunt fist strikes me
Takes my wind and never, ever thinks to let it go.
Everywhere I look there's nothing
When I look I must miss something
Through my eyes the darkness never seems to go away.
Everyone wants to flaunt me
Pack me up and lock me in their little rusted box.
Every single eye sees me
Everybody's blunt fist strikes me
Takes my wind and never, ever thinks to let it go.
Everywhere I look there's nothing
When I look I must miss something
Through my eyes the darkness never seems to go away.
Post #54
Into the void of random thought
My brain turns like a rusty, squeaking Ferris wheel
Corroded metal, falling away
Is my mind leaving me
Now standing hopelessly in the pouring rain
My clothes soggy, my limbs shaking
Am I shaking from the cold?
Or am I simply insane...
I choose the latter,
Or has it chosen me?
My brain turns like a rusty, squeaking Ferris wheel
Corroded metal, falling away
Is my mind leaving me
Now standing hopelessly in the pouring rain
My clothes soggy, my limbs shaking
Am I shaking from the cold?
Or am I simply insane...
I choose the latter,
Or has it chosen me?
- FinalEnigma
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Post #55
May I ask if you wish comments on your poems? I'm taking a creative writing course right now that is focusing on poetry at the moment, and we are having to evaluate the other student's poems, so a couple things jumped out at me about yours because I'm in the poetry evaluation mode. If you want to you can PM me about it.
Post #56
Shoot.FinalEnigma wrote:May I ask if you wish comments on your poems? I'm taking a creative writing course right now that is focusing on poetry at the moment, and we are having to evaluate the other student's poems, so a couple things jumped out at me about yours because I'm in the poetry evaluation mode. If you want to you can PM me about it.
I wrote these about 8 years ago. You could tell me that they are worse than Dr. Seuss and I wouldn't care.
- FinalEnigma
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Post #57
Sorry i haven't said anything about your poems yet, I got lost in schoolwork and forgot I was going to. I'll try to take a look, but I'm bogged in schoolwork at the moment. off the cuff though, the lack of punctuation in some spots is a bit disconcerting, but I like some of the devices you've got in there.Jaysin wrote:Shoot.FinalEnigma wrote:May I ask if you wish comments on your poems? I'm taking a creative writing course right now that is focusing on poetry at the moment, and we are having to evaluate the other student's poems, so a couple things jumped out at me about yours because I'm in the poetry evaluation mode. If you want to you can PM me about it.
I wrote these about 8 years ago. You could tell me that they are worse than Dr. Seuss and I wouldn't care.
your repetition of 'I look' works really well there with your end rhymes. I don't recall the names of devices very well, but that is one. I'm guessing that you wrote it natural rather than planned. If so, you work like I do with a lot of my papers. kinda play with something till it sounds right, without knowing precisely why that sounds right?Everywhere I look there's nothing
When I look I must miss something
As a note, eight years ago you were a better poet than the vast majority of my creative writing class.
anyway, so that people can see and make fun of my latest poem, I will post it here. But first a note: I wrote this poem for class in a very short time period, because I had a short story, but my drive died, so I lost it the day before it was due. I didn't have time to rewrite a several page short story, so I wrote a poem instead, as they take less time. Please, tell me my poem is terrible and why, that is the fastest way to make it better.
Thanksgiving pie
So much rests
upon
The perfect, warm apple
Pie.
The dinner must be flawless,
The chicken(not turkey!) must be tender and juicy;
Mashed potatoes
must be fluffy, but the red-apple
Pie is the final touch
that makes the
holiday special. The oven timer
beeps, and I pull the pie, steaming, out
of the oven. I set the pie on the
counter, and look out at the rain
Water that falls so lazily upon my glazed garden
tools. And to
the pie
I now return,
and gently move it to the pie rack.
The meal is ready
now, and I reverently place the
apple pie,
still resting on the pie rack,
upon the windowsill to
cool while we
eat the rest
of the meal. The family gathers around the
table, and passes
the chicken
around. Cadae asks me if the pie
Is done, and of course it is done. Pie
will never be neglected in
my house.
And after the meal none choose to deny
my offer of pie, the perfect pied pie.
We do not hate others because of the flaws in their souls, we hate them because of the flaws in our own.
- FinalEnigma
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Post #58
This is by far the most structured of your poems, however, I'm not certain that that is a good thing here.Jaysin wrote:You are the one devastating
No one that is just complaining
About your life so superficial
Institution's nothing special
From the light comes transformation
Turning back to segregation
Breathing hate you're suicidal
Beckoning your deaths arrival
Go consult your congregation
Knowing Hell's your destination
Maintain soul tranquility
Leading to soul sterility
The subject is very dark, which is at odds with your rhymes. rhyming in a poem gives it a jaunty feel most of the time, which I don't think you were looking for.
the rhythm however, works really well. its almost strictly iambs, which tends to get a slogging, undynamic feel, which works great with the 'sterility' and 'superficial' images you have in there. But, in the last line, you break your iambs, which is the line where you mention sterility, that's where you need it the most, and it would work a lot better if you kept the iambs and the slogging feel through that line.
the other thing that stands out a lot is the fact that it is a purely abstract poem. there's a light somewhere, that's the only sensory thing I get at all. the big thing to remember with poetry(and pretty much all writing) is show me, do not tell me. I emphasized that so much because it is enormously important. The more sensory things you can give me the better. as a basic check, you want to try to evoke at least 3 of the 5 senses in each poem. and at absolute minimum one in each stanza. This is by far the most mistake people make. In fact, if you look at my poem, it barely has three, and the third is arguable. I mention the pie being warm, but that's the closest I get to touch.
If you would like more I can continue.
We do not hate others because of the flaws in their souls, we hate them because of the flaws in our own.
Post #59
Thanks much for your critique. I've never taken a poetry class, so a lot of the terms you used are a little alien to me. The poem you broke down was actually originally written as a song. That may be why it reads so metered. Anyway, Thanks again for your review, it was VERY interesting to read.
~Cheers!
~Cheers!
- FinalEnigma
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Post #60
Sorry, which terms were you unsure of? Iamb was probably one of them. it refers to the emphasis on the syllables in your line. its takes a bit of practice to be really good at picking it out, but an Iamb is where you have one unstressed syllable follow by one stressed syllable. for example, read this sentence out loud and pay attention to where the stresses are. If you have trouble finding which way it should be stressed, try exaggerating the stress and stressing it the other way.Jaysin wrote:Thanks much for your critique. I've never taken a poetry class, so a lot of the terms you used are a little alien to me. The poem you broke down was actually originally written as a song. That may be why it reads so metered. Anyway, Thanks again for your review, it was VERY interesting to read.
~Cheers!
Lo, thus I triumph like a king
Lo, thus I triumph like a king
like that, right?
if you stressed it the other way, it would sound really weird-
Lo, thus I triumph like a king
the bold parts are the stresses (the lines above it are the notation generally used). that line is Iambic, because it has one unstressed syllable follow by one stressed syllable through the whole line. If you stack a whole bunch of iambs in a row the line gets a methodical or slogging feel. if you wanted a completely different feel, use a bunch of anapests, which is two unstressed then one stressed. Dr suess does a lot of anapests. Anapests give a jaunty, skipping feel. an example:
The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold
And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold
And the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea
When the blue wave rolls nightly on deep Galilee.
feels really jaunty and bouncy almost, right? that's what you get from anapests(and the rhymes tend to add to the jaunty feel as well)
We do not hate others because of the flaws in their souls, we hate them because of the flaws in our own.