I tried "being a Christian" and having faith, now

[Muddy Muffins]

I apologize if it seems tangential, but I'm starting with a bit of a story.

I'm still young, and until Christmas of 2011, I had always I had always accepted Christianity like my parents told me to. I never questioned it because my parents were, for some reason, hesitant to teach me about it, even when I asked. So all I thought was that God was perfect. Seeing as I didn't know what "perfect" was to Christians, I made up my own perfect, and made God that. Or rather, I assume that because whenever I prayed for advice or guidance, he always seemed to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, which never worked out well in practice. I'm not convinced I was ever talking to anyone, as much as I'd like to believe I was.

Later, on that Christmas, I was forced to go to church(something we rarely did). I was incredibly annoyed, because we went so late at night. I then realized that it probably isn't a good thing to be annoyed to worship someone you're supposed to love that much. So of course I half-heartedly consulted with him like I normally do. I still felt like I didn't want to go. I always assumed what my gut said to do was what God was telling me to do. So anyway, at the request of my parents, I go. Skipping over the details for brevity, the people at the church and my parents said some things I really disagreed with. No matter how much I consulted with God, I really couldn't come to terms with these things. It's that night I really thought about it. Was I really talking to anyone? How had I gotten so much bad guidance from an omniscient being? How could an omniscient being say things I disagreed with so much, and not even personally guide me to believe these things?

Over the course of that night, I realized I didn't believe in God. I could stop talking him altogether, and couldn't care less. I felt no love for whatever I was talking to. I felt no respect. Nothing. I really believed I did speak with him, but as I said, the inconsistencies with my communication with him and christian teachings and the poor guidance suggest otherwise. I could not for the life of me connect with this supposed God that the bible spoke of.

Story was longer than I meant it to be, but getting to the point... I currently define myself as an atheist, although if I may further explain my stance; I do not believe in any God a religion describes. The existence of a God in general isn't inconceivable to me, I simply have no reason to believe it yet. So for now, I'll call myself an atheist. I've tried as hard as I could to connect to this God, and simply couldn't without fabricating my own God that didn't violate my morals. If faith is the path to God, where did I go wrong? I'd like to be as open-minded as possible about this.

[JoeyKnothead]

From the OP:

If faith is the path to God, where did I go wrong?

Not having enough of it.

I'd like to be as open-minded as possible about this.

It would seem to me you've opened your mind enough to realize that religion, or theism, is a rather empty set of baseless propositions, and for that you shouldn't feel bad.

[Morphine]

I apologize if it seems tangential, but I'm starting with a bit of a story.

I'm still young, and until Christmas of 2011, I had always I had always accepted Christianity like my parents told me to. I never questioned it because my parents were, for some reason, hesitant to teach me about it, even when I asked. So all I thought was that God was perfect. Seeing as I didn't know what "perfect" was to Christians, I made up my own perfect, and made God that. Or rather, I assume that because whenever I prayed for advice or guidance, he always seemed to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, which never worked out well in practice. I'm not convinced I was ever talking to anyone, as much as I'd like to believe I was.

Later, on that Christmas, I was forced to go to church(something we rarely did). I was incredibly annoyed, because we went so late at night. I then realized that it probably isn't a good thing to be annoyed to worship someone you're supposed to love that much. So of course I half-heartedly consulted with him like I normally do. I still felt like I didn't want to go. I always assumed what my gut said to do was what God was telling me to do. So anyway, at the request of my parents, I go. Skipping over the details for brevity, the people at the church and my parents said some things I really disagreed with. No matter how much I consulted with God, I really couldn't come to terms with these things. It's that night I really thought about it. Was I really talking to anyone? How had I gotten so much bad guidance from an omniscient being? How could an omniscient being say things I disagreed with so much, and not even personally guide me to believe these things?

Over the course of that night, I realized I didn't believe in God. I could stop talking him altogether, and couldn't care less. I felt no love for whatever I was talking to. I felt no respect. Nothing. I really believed I did speak with him, but as I said, the inconsistencies with my communication with him and christian teachings and the poor guidance suggest otherwise. I could not for the life of me connect with this supposed God that the bible spoke of.

Story was longer than I meant it to be, but getting to the point... I currently define myself as an atheist, although if I may further explain my stance; I do not believe in any God a religion describes. The existence of a God in general isn't inconceivable to me, I simply have no reason to believe it yet. So for now, I'll call myself an atheist. I've tried as hard as I could to connect to this God, and simply couldn't without fabricating my own God that didn't violate my morals. If faith is the path to God, where did I go wrong? I'd like to be as open-minded as possible about this.

Very interesting post. Seems like you came to a conclusion very quickly. I struggled with my lack of belief for a while before associating myself with atheism. You'll find that in order for you too see God as perfect, you'll have to change your views and come up with reasons as to why God does this and that. Which in many cases, will contradict another idea, raising more questions.

How do you feel about deism? Makes more sense to me, but like theism, there still isn't any definitive evidence for any god.

[A Troubled Man]

... whenever I prayed for advice or guidance, he always seemed to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, which never worked out well in practice. I'm not convinced I was ever talking to anyone, as much as I'd like to believe I was.

An astute observation. Much of what is taught in any given religion was practiced centuries ago, and we as an intelligent species, have evolved well beyond the barbaric bronze age thinking exhibited in most scriptures.

Over the course of that night, I realized I didn't believe in God. I could stop talking him altogether, and couldn't care less. I felt no love for whatever I was talking to. I felt no respect. Nothing.

On the contrary, you have exhibited more respect for yourself than ever before by making such a life changing decision and basing it entirely on integrity and honesty. Surely, what you felt may have been a melancholia, so to speak, but for the most part, your decision was a positive one as you unchain yourself from the slavery and failure of a faith based belief system.

[Danmark]

....
Just hope all your facilities [sic] are in place.....You're not one of does [sic] people that think it enjoyment [sic] to set animals on fire and watch them burn. If so where [sic] in big trouble.

Tex, why would you bring up a non sequitur about torturing animals?

I'm guessing that by 'facilities' you meant 'faculties.' Was there something in MM's post that suggested to you mental derangement?

Tex, really, what possesses you to come up with questions of animal cruelty and insanity out of a clear blue sky? I fear this may say far more about you than about the subject.

[Tex]

....
Just hope all your facilities [sic] are in place.....You're not one of does [sic] people that think it enjoyment [sic] to set animals on fire and watch them burn. If so where [sic] in big trouble.

Tex, why would you bring up a non sequitur about torturing animals?

I'm guessing that by 'facilities' you meant 'faculties.' Was there something in MM's post that suggested to you mental derangement?

Tex, really, what possesses you to come up with questions of animal cruelty and insanity out of a clear blue sky? I fear this may say far more about you than about the subject.

Just in case he thinks I'm some kind of god and was giving him the right to do as he wants. There is still a line people shouldn't cross and no one is going to say that TEX said it was alright to do as one wishes. Yes, do as you wish but there are limits.

Young people....You never know what they are thinking these days.

[Nickman]

Young people....You never know what they are thinking these days.

Probably what everyone else is thinking, "I need more money", "I wonder what so-and-so is doing".
Stuff like that. People aren't generally evil as you may think. Most people are good people with or without religious beliefs. The beliefs are just an illusion that they need them to be good.

[stubbornone]

I apologize if it seems tangential, but I'm starting with a bit of a story.

I'm still young, and until Christmas of 2011, I had always I had always accepted Christianity like my parents told me to. I never questioned it because my parents were, for some reason, hesitant to teach me about it, even when I asked. So all I thought was that God was perfect. Seeing as I didn't know what "perfect" was to Christians, I made up my own perfect, and made God that. Or rather, I assume that because whenever I prayed for advice or guidance, he always seemed to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, which never worked out well in practice. I'm not convinced I was ever talking to anyone, as much as I'd like to believe I was.

Later, on that Christmas, I was forced to go to church(something we rarely did). I was incredibly annoyed, because we went so late at night. I then realized that it probably isn't a good thing to be annoyed to worship someone you're supposed to love that much. So of course I half-heartedly consulted with him like I normally do. I still felt like I didn't want to go. I always assumed what my gut said to do was what God was telling me to do. So anyway, at the request of my parents, I go. Skipping over the details for brevity, the people at the church and my parents said some things I really disagreed with. No matter how much I consulted with God, I really couldn't come to terms with these things. It's that night I really thought about it. Was I really talking to anyone? How had I gotten so much bad guidance from an omniscient being? How could an omniscient being say things I disagreed with so much, and not even personally guide me to believe these things?

Over the course of that night, I realized I didn't believe in God. I could stop talking him altogether, and couldn't care less. I felt no love for whatever I was talking to. I felt no respect. Nothing. I really believed I did speak with him, but as I said, the inconsistencies with my communication with him and christian teachings and the poor guidance suggest otherwise. I could not for the life of me connect with this supposed God that the bible spoke of.

Story was longer than I meant it to be, but getting to the point... I currently define myself as an atheist, although if I may further explain my stance; I do not believe in any God a religion describes. The existence of a God in general isn't inconceivable to me, I simply have no reason to believe it yet. So for now, I'll call myself an atheist. I've tried as hard as I could to connect to this God, and simply couldn't without fabricating my own God that didn't violate my morals. If faith is the path to God, where did I go wrong? I'd like to be as open-minded as possible about this.

If this sounds condescending, then I apologize, but you haven't really explained why you do not believe in a God. You have provided an emotional basis for disbelief, but ... To be blunt, accepting God merely because your parents told you to do is not exactly genuine faith or acceptance of God on either an intellectual or emotional level.

Furthermore, rejecting God because someone told you something you disagreed with seems ... To miss the point of Christianity entirely. Do you really think that everyone around you must think and believe as you do for there to be a God? Have you learned so much that your disagreement alone defines what is right?

So, a better question, do you think God knew that you were just going through the motions? That other than relying on your gut, you have taken no action o pursue him? And yet you expect the heavens to part for you ... Because someone disagreed with you?

You will forgive me for thinking that what you wrote doesn't really address God.

[Danmark]

....
Just hope all your facilities [sic] are in place.....You're not one of does [sic] people that think it enjoyment [sic] to set animals on fire and watch them burn. If so where [sic] in big trouble.

Tex, why would you bring up a non sequitur about torturing animals?

I'm guessing that by 'facilities' you meant 'faculties.' Was there something in MM's post that suggested to you mental derangement?

Tex, really, what possesses you to come up with questions of animal cruelty and insanity out of a clear blue sky? I fear this may say far more about you than about the subject.

Just in case he thinks I'm some kind of god and was giving him the right to do as he wants. There is still a line people shouldn't cross and no one is going to say that TEX said it was alright to do as one wishes. Yes, do as you wish but there are limits.

Young people....You never know what they are thinking these days.

Tex, in the category "Things Most Unlikely to be Considered as Even Remote Possibilities," there are two entries: 1) that you are a god, 2) that someone thinks he needs your permission.

Still Tex, why do you go to 'animal cruelty' and insanity when there was ZERO evidence to suggest either was in play? Is this (yours) the kind of mind that is attracted to the Christian faith?

I've gotta say, I'm steering farther clear of you folks than I previously thought necessary.

[Tex]

....
Just hope all your facilities [sic] are in place.....You're not one of does [sic] people that think it enjoyment [sic] to set animals on fire and watch them burn. If so where [sic] in big trouble.

Tex, why would you bring up a non sequitur about torturing animals?

I'm guessing that by 'facilities' you meant 'faculties.' Was there something in MM's post that suggested to you mental derangement?

Tex, really, what possesses you to come up with questions of animal cruelty and insanity out of a clear blue sky? I fear this may say far more about you than about the subject.

Just in case he thinks I'm some kind of god and was giving him the right to do as he wants. There is still a line people shouldn't cross and no one is going to say that TEX said it was alright to do as one wishes. Yes, do as you wish but there are limits.

Young people....You never know what they are thinking these days.

Tex, in the category "Things Most Unlikely to be Considered as Even Remote Possibilities," there are two entries: 1) that you are a god, 2) that someone thinks he needs your permission.

Still Tex, why do you go to 'animal cruelty' and insanity when there was ZERO evidence to suggest either was in play? Is this (yours) the kind of mind that is attracted to the Christian faith?

I've gotta say, I'm steering farther clear of you folks than I previously thought necessary.

More like a mind that doesn't want God in it. You see, without God there is no judgement. There is only this life and no other.

[Divine Insight]

I've tried as hard as I could to connect to this God, and simply couldn't without fabricating my own God that didn't violate my morals. If faith is the path to God, where did I go wrong? I'd like to be as open-minded as possible about this.

Fabricating your own God is the only way to truth.

Many religions are clearly lies. Especially the Abrahamic religions with their deceitful hateful God.

And you are perfectly correct. Any God who would be less moral than yourself wouldn't be worthy of your love anyway.

Therefore God must necessarily be morally superior to you. Thus any religion that claims God is otherwise is a lie.

That's all you really need to do when looking for a spiritual philosophy. Simply ask, "Is the God in this philosophy at least as moral as myself?"

If the answer is no, then you know clearly that the religion is a lie. That's how I discovered that Christianity is a lie. The God of Christianity is so far beneath me in moral values that the religion can't possibly be true.

That realization didn't drive me to become an atheist though. I simply realized the Christianity (and all the Abrahamic religions) are based on lies.

That's all.

So yes, "fabricating" your own God is the only way to truth.

If God is real you don't need religion.