Dad, mom ...I'm ...um, I'm gay

[KCKID]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

[The Me's]

This practice is common among those who want to be right but can only BE right through bullying anyone who disagrees. If they knew in their hearts that they were right, they would have faith in ultimately convincing others. Truth is that powerful. It needs no assistance from us.

Unclear as to the meaning of the above. Are you referring to the gay or anti-gay as being the bully?

I see the LGBT community bullying Christians all the time, and it's almost always unprovoked or unjustified.

For example, when Phil Robertson expressed a personal preference as being hetero, the LGBT community demanded he be fired immediaetly, and A & E complied.

When did it become "okay" in America to destroy the life and reputation of another human being whom you have a minor disagreement with?

The same has happened to me in forums. One of the users here lied about what I posted in an effort to goad me into an argument. Your response to me is certainly not respectful. And I can't count the times I've seen the LGBT community express open bigotry against my religion without provocation, and this has become an acceptable behavior that goes unchallenged.

My conclusion must be (in light of my experience) that the LGBT community as a whole does not have the moral capacity to keep such behavior in check as society expects in general from mature adults.

[KCKID]

This practice is common among those who want to be right but can only BE right through bullying anyone who disagrees. If they knew in their hearts that they were right, they would have faith in ultimately convincing others. Truth is that powerful. It needs no assistance from us.

Unclear as to the meaning of the above. Are you referring to the gay or anti-gay as being the bully?

I see the LGBT community bullying Christians all the time, and it's almost always unprovoked or unjustified.

For example, when Phil Robertson expressed a personal preference as being hetero, the LGBT community demanded he be fired immediaetly, and A & E complied.

Well, while I'm not too familiar with Phil Robertson - although we do presently get a lot of these red-neck type TV shows here in Australia - I do recall his comments with regard to his comparing homosexuality with bestiality. His remarks were ignorant, no if's, and's or but's (no pun intended). And, he quite clearly regards the female species as being those who he refers to as 'vaginas' and the male species being those that use the female species solely to satisfy their own sexual urges. I don't wonder that many people - gay and straight, I'm sure - would have objected to these ignorant remarks. The street of 'free speech' runs in both directions. It wasn't particularly a good idea for you to use Phil Robertson with which to make your point for 'unprovoked' or 'unjustified'. This man is hardly a worthy example.

When did it become "okay" in America to destroy the life and reputation of another human being whom you have a minor disagreement with?

You call one's sexual preference being compared to bestiality 'a minor disagreement'? It seems as though you haven't thought this through as well as you might have.

The same has happened to me in forums. One of the users here lied about what I posted in an effort to goad me into an argument.

Your response to me is certainly not respectful. And I can't count the times I've seen the LGBT community express open bigotry against my religion without provocation, and this has become an acceptable behavior that goes unchallenged.

Well, I have no idea why you feel that I've been disrespectful to you. I've only responded to one of your posts (above) and I don't see anything disrespectful in that response. From my perspective, however, as soon as one uses 'their religion' with which to demean another human being then they ARE responsible in provoking ire from others. It's only natural. The remedy for this? Don't do it. Furthermore, the Bible was never intended to be used for such a purpose.

My conclusion must be (in light of my experience) that the LGBT community as a whole does not have the moral capacity to keep such behavior in check as society expects in general from mature adults.

I'm not sure what you mean.

[Haven]

Which is why I don't include 'these things' in the definition of 'gay lifestyle,' except promiscuous gay sex.

Why "promiscuous?" Believe it or not, there are plenty of gays and lesbians who are faithful to their partners and don't have random hookups or casual sex.

The thing that defines a lifestyle is the thing that cannot be included in any other sort of 'lifestyle.' If one is living a gay lifestyle, what is the only thing that cannot, and is not, done by a heterosexual: the thing that defines it as 'gay,' and not an activity possible for both heterosexual and homosexuals?

Gay isn't a lifestyle, it's a state of being. It's not some fad that people choose to live.

Here's a hint: its who they have sex with. That's it. That is the only thing different about gays: there's nothing specifically 'gay' about anything else they might do; a gay teacher doesn't teach math any differently than a straight one does, or buy homes differently, or get sick differently, or earn livings differently, or do anything ELSE differently.

This is true, except I'd add that it isn't about having sex, but to whom one is sexually attracted.

[Zetesis Apistia]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

I would help them understand that behavior should never influence acceptance, but some behaviors are not tolerated in certain groups.

[Danmark]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

I would help them understand that behavior should never influence acceptance, but some behaviors are not tolerated in certain groups.

Not sure I fully understand or agree with this. One would hope behavior would influence acceptance. One of the more liberating experiences I've had are the times I've had some of my prejudices changed/eliminated by actually meeting and appreciating people as I got to know them better. Certainly I became more accepting based on their behavior.

[KCKID]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

I would help them understand that behavior should never influence acceptance, but some behaviors are not tolerated in certain groups.

Would you repeat the above in a manner that makes what you say easier to understand? Thanks.

[Danmark]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

I would help them understand that behavior should never influence acceptance, but some behaviors are not tolerated in certain groups.

Would you repeat the above in a manner that makes what you say easier to understand? Thanks.

I assume he meant "It" for "I."

[Zetesis Apistia]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

I would help them understand that behavior should never influence acceptance, but some behaviors are not tolerated in certain groups.

Not sure I fully understand or agree with this. One would hope behavior would influence acceptance. One of the more liberating experiences I've had are the times I've had some of my prejudices changed/eliminated by actually meeting and appreciating people as I got to know them better. Certainly I became more accepting based on their behavior.

And some people see homosexuality as a behavior. Should that "unacceptable behavior" influence their acceptance of the homosexual?

[Danmark]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

I would help them understand that behavior should never influence acceptance, but some behaviors are not tolerated in certain groups.

Not sure I fully understand or agree with this. One would hope behavior would influence acceptance. One of the more liberating experiences I've had are the times I've had some of my prejudices changed/eliminated by actually meeting and appreciating people as I got to know them better. Certainly I became more accepting based on their behavior.

And some people see homosexuality as a behavior. Should that "unacceptable behavior" influence their acceptance of the homosexual?

Not a factor at all to me. What people do in the privacy of their own homes, as long as it is consensual and no one is hurt, why should I care? It's how folks interact, how they treat each other, their kindness and their character that counts to me. Originality and wit doesn't hurt either.

[master_blaster]

So, we agree. I started this line of discussion by responding to KCKID saying that masteblaster was wise when he said, "I would steer him to resources that are supportive of whatever path he takes in life."

Like I said, you were straw manning me.

No, it was not clear whether or not you supported the blanket "whatever your path" advice. It now appears that there are certain paths that you would not support and those other paths do not include homosexuality in general. For some other people those other paths do include homosexuality in general.

The term "love" can refer to emotion, desire, and/or action. Therefore, it is not a very useful term in these discussions. If we are talking about emotion or desire only, why would a parent say they "are supportive of whatever path he takes in life". Admittedly, they might be supportive of the individual as a human being, but being supportive of the path would be dependent on the perceived nature of the path. That was my point. The reason such a statement would be considered wise is based on the speaker's viewpoint.

To bad. Love is the word I used. Your wine about the word I chose to use does not distract from the point I made.
Once again:
We are talking about consensual love between to humans. Not telling your child that murder is OK if they want to do it. The point you miss is about the fact another person is not being harmed. Unlike when you murder someone. The word "Love" is irrelevant here. It seems that I am talking right passed you.

Yes, you are talking right past me, because I am talking about the difference between what one says to one's child when one is not opposed to that one's child's path and what one says when one opposes one's child's path.

No, homosexuality includes both the desire to have sex with someone of the same sex and acting on that desire.

No. You don't have to act on the desire. Having the desire is the determining factor.
Consider your logic (or lack of logic as it is):
A man that is attracted to women is not heterosexual until he has sex with one. If you wait to have sex until marriage, your not gay or straight according to you.
I find your definition lacking.

It is you, not I, who set up the "straw man" of one who proclaims a desire that they may or may not intend on acting on. If that person does intend on acting on those desires, we are talking about sexual activity. If that person does not intend on acting on those desires, what is the point of making the statement?

This has been shown to be wrong.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictiona ... 1390945518

The term I used was homosexuality and merriam-webster.com defines that as:

1 : the quality or state of being homosexual
2 : erotic activity with another of the same sex

The term homosexual refers to a state of being, while homosexuality encompasses both the state of being and the activity that characterizes that state of being. Now, we can separate that activity from the state of being. However, why would anyone publicly refer to themselves in terms of a state of being related to an activity that they are unlikely to engage in?

It appears that you are saying, if your child said, "I have a physical revulsion to homosexuality", you would not "steer him to resources that are supportive of whatever path he takes in life." That is my point.

Please explain further. I'm not clear on what point you are trying to make.
Specifically: "steer him to resources"

Well, since it is masterblaster's phrase, I presume it means resources that encourage that behavior, if that is the child's choice.

Not precisely, I was responding to view that "I will steer him to resources that are supportive of whatever path he takes in life." is only wise, if one considers those paths to be safe. What is the wise thing for the parent who does not consider those paths to be safe supposed to say?

Unanswerable. I lack information. If you want an honest answer, you will need to spell out the scenario. There is no blanket statement that would cover every scenario.

Precisely, when a parent says, "I will steer him to resources that are supportive of whatever path he takes in life.", that is a bit disingenuous. It all depends on those resources, that path and that parent's view of them.

Why do you ask for such a thing? Is it because your canned answer would be "the Bible says so". This is not good enough for me, so I would need to examine the scenario before I could even suggest a response. I just don't have a cover-all response like you may. I would need to examine the scenario.

I ask such a thing because that is the statement of masterblaster, that KCKID said was wise. My point is that "I will steer him to resources that are supportive of whatever path he takes in life." is a canned answer that sounds loving and tolerant, but only ignores that fact that children often chose to follow paths that parents find unacceptable. Is it realistic to expect parents that see something as unacceptable to steer their children to resources that are supportive of that path?

A big key is... does the activity harm anyone, you for some reason don't seem to get this very important point. My evidence for this is the fact you compared homosexuality with murder. It seems to me that you lack making this distinction. Perhaps this explains why you don't seem to have an issue with holding something that you treasure for yourself from your fellow man. "A loving relationship with the person you love"

No, I think parents and children should have a relationship that is truly loving, ie. one that recognizes that there are paths that parents can not support and that that does not necessarily make them bad parents. It just makes them individuals that care enough to discourage paths that they find unacceptable.

Does this really need clarification? Parents aren't lifelong dictators, though too many try to micromanage their kid's life. In the end, the individual will decide, like it or not, if they'll engage in same sex behavior. If they are gay then in all likelihood it's only a matter of time. All you can do as parents is support their decisions in life, so long as it's not destructive.

To me, there is plenty evidence that giving emotional support and making sure they practice safe sex is way less destructive than to berate or shun a gay teen or drive them into depression with "abstinence only" crap.