Happiness

[jerryxplu]

This is an issue I have been having in my head for a while now and hope you guys can shred some light on it for me.

So ever since I was a child, I was told by adult such as that you have this and that and you are more fortunate than millions of people in this world. You should be happy because of that.

However, I just don't feel that is the right reasoning anymore. Is it really fair to say that because you are better off than some then you should be happy?

Just because I know that I may have a higher standard of living than others. Doesn't mean I have to be happy. It feel as if I have to suppress my unhappiness because I am being greedy and wanting more than what I already have.

So what do you guys think about this?

[Neatras]

[Replying to post 1 by jerryxplu]

It's certainly a flawed argument, but it keeps some children from getting uppity. The same goes on in the form of the 'privilege' argument.

"Black children in Africa are suffering, while you live in a middle upper-class home with three meals a day. By comparison, you are in a privileged position and should be grateful."

What this doesn't do is explain how you stand to benefit from the harm inflicted upon those unfortunate kids in third world countries, and how it objectively blanks out every single misfortune you face. It's as if they believe that, in a cosmic sense, the worse off someone else is, the better off you are.

[Youkilledkenny]

[Replying to post 1 by jerryxplu]

Happy is an emotion. As is sad, frightful, anxious, on and on. Feelings are individualized. Only the individual can decide what emotion to entertain and rather or not that emotion is 'right' or not.
If that definition doesn't fit your life, find another one that does. And what everyone else says...? forget about it

[jerryxplu]

Well, I do agree that it doesn't actually make sense the more you think about it and at most it is just one of those self comforting thing people try to do to make themselves feel better about the situation they are in. Like it can always be worse or at least I am still alive.

Anyway, just wanted to make sure what I am thinking is not being selfish or whatever.

[Peds nurse]

[Replying to post 1 by jerryxplu]

I think happy is the wrong word. We need to be content where we are. It doesn't mean that we don't strive to do better, but it doesn't consume us while we get there.

[rookiebatman]

So ever since I was a child, I was told by adult such as that you have this and that and you are more fortunate than millions of people in this world. You should be happy because of that.

However, I just don't feel that is the right reasoning anymore. Is it really fair to say that because you are better off than some then you should be happy?

I'm right there with you. In fact, my dad said the same thing to me just last week. I have a good life overall, but am very dissatisfied and unhappy about my complete lack of relationships (both romantic and otherwise, but the romantic part is especially painful) outside of my family. I feel like companionship is, on a psychological level, a basic, essential human need. So, to say one should be content without that is like if a person had all the creature comforts their heart could desire, but for some freakish reason had no access to water. You can't just say, "you have all this other stuff, you should be happy about that; some people don't have food or water." So what? If they can't get any water, they are going to die, no matter how perfect the rest of their situation is. Fortunately, mine is not quite that bleak, but some studies have shown that being constantly alone can actually shorten a person's life span (and I think it's pretty obvious that it will make it a heck of a lot less fun in the process). And I should be happy and content about that, just because there are other people who have it even worse? I don't see how I can.

[Jashwell]

[Replying to post 1 by jerryxplu]

The fallacy of relative privation, or appeal to bigger problems, is an informal fallacy in which it is suggested an opponent's arguments should be dismissed or ignored, on the grounds of there existing more important problems, despite these issues being often completely unrelated to the subject at hand.

A well-known example of this fallacy is the response "but there are children starving in Africa," with the implication that any issue less serious is not worthy of discussion; or the saying "I used to lament having no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.".

The word whataboutery or whataboutism has been used to describe this line of argument when used in protesting inconsistent behaviour. e.g. "The British even have a term for it: whataboutery. If you are prepared to go to war to protect Libyan civilians from their government, then what about the persecuted in Bahrain?"

I don't think whether or not there are people 'have it worse' should make you maintain some constant state of pity (or some kind of self induced empathetic depression).

It's even worse when you consider the subjectivity; I've seen fictional discussions between those who lost their parents and those who never knew their parents as to who had it worse.

Why don't you tell the people who are saying "there are less fortunate people" to go and help those less fortunate people, instead of telling you all about them?

Whatever you do; don't feel guilty for being unhappy.

[Peds nurse]

So ever since I was a child, I was told by adult such as that you have this and that and you are more fortunate than millions of people in this world. You should be happy because of that.

However, I just don't feel that is the right reasoning anymore. Is it really fair to say that because you are better off than some then you should be happy?

I'm right there with you. In fact, my dad said the same thing to me just last week. I have a good life overall, but am very dissatisfied and unhappy about my complete lack of relationships (both romantic and otherwise, but the romantic part is especially painful) outside of my family. I feel like companionship is, on a psychological level, a basic, essential human need. So, to say one should be content without that is like if a person had all the creature comforts their heart could desire, but for some freakish reason had no access to water. You can't just say, "you have all this other stuff, you should be happy about that; some people don't have food or water." So what? If they can't get any water, they are going to die, no matter how perfect the rest of their situation is. Fortunately, mine is not quite that bleak, but some studies have shown that being constantly alone can actually shorten a person's life span (and I think it's pretty obvious that it will make it a heck of a lot less fun in the process). And I should be happy and content about that, just because there are other people who have it even worse? I don't see how I can.

I can understand not being happy about not having clean water, and actually quite distressed about it. If someone was in the hospital dying of cancer, as a nurse, I know people don't say, "well, think of all the good things you have." They grieve with them.

People don't always know what to say when we are hurting. Most of the time, it isn't to minimize our problem, but rather to distract us from it. Their hearts (intentions) are usually in the most beautiful place. When our loved ones are hurting, I know as a parent, I get pretty desperate sometimes to bring joy to the situation, because it makes me uncomfortable to see my children hurting.

In your situation, I am sure your dad isn't minimizing your pain, he is just trying to make you feel better. God created us to be with people, which is why we desire it so much. The perfect person is out there for you, and sometimes it takes a whole lot of patience to wait for it. In the meantime, don't force things to happen. Don't settle for less than God's best for you.

[rookiebatman]

People don't always know what to say when we are hurting. Most of the time, it isn't to minimize our problem, but rather to distract us from it. Their hearts (intentions) are usually in the most beautiful place. When our loved ones are hurting, I know as a parent, I get pretty desperate sometimes to bring joy to the situation, because it makes me uncomfortable to see my children hurting.

In your situation, I am sure your dad isn't minimizing your pain, he is just trying to make you feel better.

I don't know about most people, but based on my dad's tone when he was saying that, it was definitely to chastise me for my lack of contentedness and perspective, not to make me feel better. It's a good theory in general, but you'll just have to take my word for it that it wasn't the case here.

God created us to be with people, which is why we desire it so much. The perfect person is out there for you, and sometimes it takes a whole lot of patience to wait for it. In the meantime, don't force things to happen. Don't settle for less than God's best for you.

Funny thing about that, I think this very mindset is one of the major destructive aspects of religion that stunted my ability to grow psychologically. I've had a few different people tell me that part of my problem is that I set my standards too high. But how can I not, when I've been constantly taught what you're saying there? If I see someone, and think, "that's not the perfect person for me," or "they're not God's best for me," then why on Earth would I waste my time with them? But in the real world (where God doesn't set us up on blind dates with our perfect match), the ability to learn how to happily settle for someone who's merely good enough, rather than perfect for us, might be an essential key to happiness. But I still have a lot of trouble doing that, because I was indoctrinated to believe that I should be patient and wait for the perfect person who is God's best for me.

[Peds nurse]

People don't always know what to say when we are hurting. Most of the time, it isn't to minimize our problem, but rather to distract us from it. Their hearts (intentions) are usually in the most beautiful place. When our loved ones are hurting, I know as a parent, I get pretty desperate sometimes to bring joy to the situation, because it makes me uncomfortable to see my children hurting.

In your situation, I am sure your dad isn't minimizing your pain, he is just trying to make you feel better.

I don't know about most people, but based on my dad's tone when he was saying that, it was definitely to chastise me for my lack of contentedness and perspective, not to make me feel better. It's a good theory in general, but you'll just have to take my word for it that it wasn't the case here.

God created us to be with people, which is why we desire it so much. The perfect person is out there for you, and sometimes it takes a whole lot of patience to wait for it. In the meantime, don't force things to happen. Don't settle for less than God's best for you.

Funny thing about that, I think this very mindset is one of the major destructive aspects of religion that stunted my ability to grow psychologically. I've had a few different people tell me that part of my problem is that I set my standards too high. But how can I not, when I've been constantly taught what you're saying there? If I see someone, and think, "that's not the perfect person for me," or "they're not God's best for me," then why on Earth would I waste my time with them? But in the real world (where God doesn't set us up on blind dates with our perfect match), the ability to learn how to happily settle for someone who's merely good enough, rather than perfect for us, might be an essential key to happiness. But I still have a lot of trouble doing that, because I was indoctrinated to believe that I should be patient and wait for the perfect person who is God's best for me.

Settling for God's best, does not mean perfection. There are no perfect people, or perfect relationships. What I mean by not settling less for God's best means to not jump into a relationship just to have one. God's best for us is the person that will be committed to us, that will love us, encourage us, and help us to become better people. It is someone who will throw this 50/50 crap out the window, along with the scales. They willingly choose to love not when they feel like it, but because they decide to.