Questions and doubts

The Ex-Mormon · Post by **The Ex-Mormon** » Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:54 am

Should a member of a church have questions and doubts regarding the religion of ones own? Should this church member analyze his own church critically? May he or she doubt whether the heads of the church take the right decisions?
I would have answered these questions with a loudly clear "no" still until few days ago. No because the beginning of faith would already be in my eyes lead to apostasy. I am no longer so sure today.
And I have to thank Nickman for it. A former member of my church (LDS); this one did not encourage me to believe everything blindly.
And I start with a journey now, I do not know the end. And I would like to ask all of you for it to support me with your questions, suggestions and prayers.

The Ex-Mormon · Post by **The Ex-Mormon** » Sat Sep 15, 2012 9:17 pm

thepandemicson wrote: I, for one, would like to say, what a cowardly act on the behalf of your husband, if that's what he did. Which is what it sounds like. Kids don't usually get it in their heads to question their folks about the legitimacy of their beliefs without prodding from another figure.

My "dear" husband was always cowardly! And this not only in his profession. His cowardly way and underhandedly describes him at the best. At that time, why have I married him merely. I never had him loved. Liked already. Because he could be very funny and he was a good listener. At that time.
I have married him because it is not permitted in the LDS that a woman marries another woman. Yes, you have read correctly: Actually I am a lesbian woman.
My husband does not know this and this is so also well. If he knew it, he would use it at a divorce against me.
I had asked him about it to stop me from a possible church leaving why he had used our son Michael for it. His reaction? "God has told him that he shall do this!"

thepandemicson wrote: Have you confronted your husband about this? At the very least demand that if he has doubts about you that he talk to you face to face and not use your children against you like this?
It is planned to informed him at lunch (or shortly after this); that I will leave the church, and also why. And, that I will leave him with the children. I will move to a friend. She was a former member of the church and was excluded because she had married the wrong person (in the eyes of the church). She and her husband have a big house by wanting to find place. And to my job it is also closer.

The Ex-Mormon · Post by **The Ex-Mormon** » Sat Sep 15, 2012 9:18 pm

The Mormon wrote:
thepandemicson wrote: I, for one, would like to say, what a cowardly act on the behalf of your husband, if that's what he did. Which is what it sounds like. Kids don't usually get it in their heads to question their folks about the legitimacy of their beliefs without prodding from another figure.
My "dear" husband was always cowardly! And this not only in his profession. His cowardly way and underhandedly describes him at the best. At that time, why have I married him merely. I never had him loved. Liked already. Because he could be very funny and he was a good listener. At that time.
I have married him because it is not permitted in the LDS that a woman marries another woman. Yes, you have read correctly: Actually I am a lesbian woman.
My husband does not know this and this is so also well. If he knew it, he would use it at a divorce against me.
I had asked him about it to stop me from a possible church leaving why he had used our son Michael for it. His reaction? "God has told him that he shall do this!"

thepandemicson wrote: Have you confronted your husband about this? At the very least demand that if he has doubts about you that he talk to you face to face and not use your children against you like this?
It is planned to informed him at lunch (or shortly after this); that I will leave the church, and also why. And, that I will leave him with the children. I will move to a friend. She was a former member of the church and was excluded because she had married the wrong person (in the eyes of the church). She and her husband have a big house by wanting to find place. And to my job it is also closer.

The Ex-Mormon · Post by **The Ex-Mormon** » Sat Sep 15, 2012 9:19 pm

thepandemicson wrote: I, for one, would like to say, what a cowardly act on the behalf of your husband, if that's what he did. Which is what it sounds like. Kids don't usually get it in their heads to question their folks about the legitimacy of their beliefs without prodding from another figure.

My "dear" husband was always cowardly! And this not only in his profession. His cowardly way and underhandedly describes him at the best. At that time, why have I married him merely. I never had him loved. Liked already. Because he could be very funny and he was a good listener. At that time.
I have married him because it is not permitted in the LDS that a woman marries another woman. Yes, you have read correctly: Actually I am a lesbian woman.
My husband does not know this and this is so also well. If he knew it, he would use it at a divorce against me.
I had asked him about it to stop me from a possible church leaving why he had used our son Michael for it. His reaction? "God has told him that he shall do this!"

thepandemicson wrote: Have you confronted your husband about this? At the very least demand that if he has doubts about you that he talk to you face to face and not use your children against you like this?

It is planned to informed him at lunch (or shortly after this); that I will leave the church, and also why. And, that I will leave him with the children. I will move to a friend. She was a former member of the church and was excluded because she had married the wrong person (in the eyes of the church). She and her husband have a big house by wanting to find place. And to my job it is also closer.[/quote][/quote]

The Ex-Mormon · Post by **The Ex-Mormon** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 3:13 pm

My husband showed me his power tonight.
We had family home evening. For all nonmembers of the LDS: This is a day in the week, normally on monday; were the family comes together and talks about the LDS Gospel; sings and has fun.
The father leads usually the evening and the mother supports him. And everybody has little tasks in the family.
At this family home evening my son Michae told to me l that I shall disappear; because I would not belong to the family any more. His brother Stefan agreed with him. I looked at my husband and saw his triumphant grin. Therefore he has not kept once his word again. Therefore he has lied again once.
He said only yesterday that he wants to let me go with the children. Everything only tactics to win time?
Like this also am, I got up, packed my bags and moved to my best friend.
My still husband has opened the war in an insidious way now. And, since I have gone because I was forced to it; will he claim I would have left him because of another man maliciously. Good, that he doesn't know, that I'm from "the other shore" as it called here.

WHAT AN A***HOLE!

thepandemicson · Post by **thepandemicson** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 8:16 pm

Ex-Mormon...

Being a child of a divorced family, I feel it's very important to stress a few things you may want to keep in mind in dealing with this, especially with your kids.

First, I recommend NOT retaliating against your husband in any way. No matter how much of an asshole he starts acting out to be, or what he tells your kids. Your children look to their parents for proper guidance, and right now, your husband is providing the wrong sort, turning his own family on each other. I was fortunate enough to have two wonderful parents that acted maturely and made it a point to let me know that what was happening was not the result of any one parent, but that it was just something that happens in life. The best thing you can do for your kids, is let them see that your mature enough NOT to use them against your husband as he is against you. They may not know such important gestures now, but they will when they're older.

Second, regardless of what your husband is telling them about your character, don't deface him. If they ask why dad is saying these things about mom, tell them you don't know why he's acting this way, but that you're saddened by it. If you show anger towards him, he's winning. That's what he wants. Just let them know that there are some reasons they won't fully understand until they're older. If he's choosing to be a manipulative monster, you get to be the honest saint.

I highly recommend not informing them of your alternate choice of lifestyle anytime soon. Not that it's something to be ashamed of (because it isn't) but because this is something looked down on by these severe conservative religious types, and you really don't want them to have any more ammunition to use against you. At least, not until things settle down, and your children finally understand who the immature one is.

I hope you take that advice to heart, and I wish you the best of luck for what is most assuredly going to be one of the roughest times of your life.

The Ex-Mormon · Post by **The Ex-Mormon** » Tue Sep 18, 2012 1:09 pm

For me it is at the most important one; that my children are being well. And I know now that they will not be well with my still husband. I will do everything therefore so that my children can be with me. So I will hide my true sexual feelings long enough until my children are with me. And I will not say a bad word over my still husband against him in presence of my children. But I will my children ask some questions. Questions which shall make them to think about it. Not questions about our marriage but questions about the church.
And, if have got them of me a little; will they, like me, further want to carry out an investigation.