it it ok...

[reggie jax]

i know it says adultery is wrong but sex outside of marraige is adultery so that ship's sailed already. what i wanna know is, if there's a really hot girl, and she supposedly cheats on her husband already, is it ok to do the nasty with her, considering she's already a cheater?

[Wyvern]

i know it says adultery is wrong but sex outside of marraige is adultery so that ship's sailed already. what i wanna know is, if there's a really hot girl, and she supposedly cheats on her husband already, is it ok to do the nasty with her, considering she's already a cheater?

No, it's still not okay. Doing so makes you an enabler for her improper behavior and additionally you could very likely get embroiled in their marital difficulties, i.e. physical confrontations, lots of arguments, police and court proceedings to name a few things. One more thing, remember the golden rule, would you want some other guy to be cheating with your girlfriend/wife?

[McCulloch]

i know it says adultery is wrong but sex outside of marraige is adultery so that ship's sailed already. what i wanna know is, if there's a really hot girl, and she supposedly cheats on her husband already, is it ok to do the nasty with her, considering she's already a cheater?

In order to answer the question, a bit of background please. When you say, "i know it says adultery is wrong" are you agreeing that you believe that adultery is wrong? If so, then you have already answered your own question.
As in any moral issue, it is your own behaviour that is relevant not the behaviour of others. If you believe that prostitution is wrong, then to you it is wrong to hire the services of a prostitute, even though she has already done it before. If you believe that adultery is wrong, then it is plainly wrong for you, even though the object of your lust has already cheated on her husband.
If you do not believe that adultery is wrong, then we can take this debate to a different level.

[reggie jax]

One more thing, remember the golden rule, would you want some other guy to be cheating with your girlfriend/wife?

But see, if i had a wife that looked like that i'd be hitting it right, and frequently. They obviously have no sex life, and she obviously still has a sex drive, so in a way he's brought it on himself.

In order to answer the question, a bit of background please. When you say, "i know it says adultery is wrong" are you agreeing that you believe that adultery is wrong? If so, then you have already answered your own question.

Well seeing that this is a christian website i figured i'd save you all the trouble of quoting the bible when it says adultery is wrong. I'm already aware of that. I don't agree that all adultery is wrong, sex outside of marriage isn't wrong to me, but this is actual cheating so it's different.

As in any moral issue, it is your own behaviour that is relevant not the behaviour of others. If you believe that prostitution is wrong, then to you it is wrong to hire the services of a prostitute, even though she has already done it before. If you believe that adultery is wrong, then it is plainly wrong for you, even though the object of your lust has already cheated on her husband.
If you do not believe that adultery is wrong, then we can take this debate to a different level.

Like i said i believe cheating is wrong, not all adultery. But the thing is the only reason i believe cheating is wrong is because it can ruin a marriage. I'm not sure what to think of it if the marriage is already ruined.

[McCulloch]

... so in a way he's brought it on himself.

If your morality allows you to take a car because someone left the keys in it, then you would be right. However, most moral codes do not justify wrongdoing just because the opportunity presents itself.

In order to answer the question, a bit of background please. When you say, "i know it says adultery is wrong" are you agreeing that you believe that adultery is wrong? If so, then you have already answered your own question.

Well seeing that this is a christian website i figured i'd save you all the trouble of quoting the bible when it says adultery is wrong. I'm already aware of that. I don't agree that all adultery is wrong, sex outside of marriage isn't wrong to me, but this is actual cheating so it's different.

But this is a debating Christianity site. From the Welcome page: "The purpose of this site is to engage in civil debates on anything pertaining to Christianity and religious issues between people of different persuasions. Everyone of any belief system is welcome to participate, this includes, but is not limited to, atheists, agnostics, deists, theists, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Wiccans, Taoists, and Hindus." I am an atheist and humanist not a Christian, so I will answer according to my own understanding of morals. I will leave it to the Christians to answer from the Christian point of view.

As in any moral issue, it is your own behaviour that is relevant not the behaviour of others. If you believe that prostitution is wrong, then to you it is wrong to hire the services of a prostitute, even though she has already done it before. If you believe that adultery is wrong, then it is plainly wrong for you, even though the object of your lust has already cheated on her husband.
If you do not believe that adultery is wrong, then we can take this debate to a different level.

Like i said i believe cheating is wrong, not all adultery. But the thing is the only reason i believe cheating is wrong is because it can ruin a marriage. I'm not sure what to think of it if the marriage is already ruined.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "cheating is wrong, not all adultery". Isn't adultery defined as cheating on one's spouse?
Let's look at a parallel. For someone who is an alcoholic, drinking is wrong. By the very nature of his disease, he cannot control his drinking once he starts and once he begins to drink, he becomes a risk to himself and to others. If you are a friend of an alcoholic and you know that he is an alcoholic, then it would be wrong to encourage him to drink. It would be wrong to take him to a bar, to buy him drinks and to drink with him. You might be contributing to his destruction. That does not change just because you happen to know that he was drinking yesterday, does it?
Now if you consider this totally hot girl as a real person, rather than some sexual conquest, then you would easily see that it is not ethical to be a contributing factor in the breakup of her marriage. Do you really think that you can build a solid relationship with this person based on a foundation of dishonesty and cheating? Or are you just looking for some quick fun?

[Cathar1950]

McCulloch wrote:

In order to answer the question, a bit of background please. When you say, "i know it says adultery is wrong" are you agreeing that you believe that adultery is wrong? If so, then you have already answered your own question.

It seems adultry is just not that simple. First we have to define adultry which seems rather easy and simple. But what has define adultry? Ancient people considered wives property. If you had sex with someone’s wive you were violating his propory. The wife would have been disobediant and unfaithful. A husband could have sex as he chose as long as it was not someone’s elses property. Today in couts of law either member of the couple would be adulty equality now both are property. What if you agree to have sex outside your marriage? Is it adultry in a sense of property(permission like borrowing the car)or infedelity s if they were cheating on you or alienation of affection if you still love each other and agree? Now for a Jew or a Christian it seems it is just wrong by definition. Someone else’s mate is just plain adultry. Secular people don’t have to hold themselves to the biblical standard because the law does not see them as propoerty. It may be reason for divorce.
Now hristians too have to make the same chopices. If the couple is a Christian and they are open that is up to them as it is for anyone else. If you are cheating you are hurting each other. But if it is not cheating but an agreement or fun then it doesn’t fit the idea of adulty. If I know a couple that have extra-maritial sex and they agree then I would not think they would be adultrers. Religious people that think different would be wrong I guess in their own eyes. I am sure I am not helping. If you don't think you should bang some guys wife you should'nt.



Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. In many jurisdictions, an unmarried person who is sexually involved with a married person is also considered an adulterer. The common synonym for adultery is infidelity as well as unfaithfulness or in colloquial speech, cheating. It was also known in earlier times by the legalistic term "alienation of affection".[1]
The sexual partner of a person committing adultery is often referred to in legal documents (especially divorce proceedings) as a co-respondent, while the person whose spouse has been unfaithful is often labeled a cuckold; originally, the latter term was applied only to males, but in more recent times women have been characterized in this way too.
A marriage in which both spouses agree that it is acceptable to have sexual relationships with other people is termed open marriage and the resulting sexual relationships, though still adulterous, are not treated as such by the spouses.
There have been other varieties of adultery; in Hawaii before the arrival of Christians, twenty-three different kinds were recognized [citation needed].

[reggie jax]

If your morality allows you to take a car because someone left the keys in it, then you would be right. However, most moral codes do not justify wrongdoing just because the opportunity presents itself.

No it's not just that the opportunity is there, it's that the only thing i'm worried about is hurting someone's feelings or destructing a relationship.. i'm not so sure that they really care about eachother, or that their relationship is anything to fret over because of the fact that either they obviously have little to no passion left, or she's just one cold-hearted bitch.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "cheating is wrong, not all adultery". Isn't adultery defined as cheating on one's spouse?

according to the bible it's any sex outside marriage.

Let's look at a parallel. For someone who is an alcoholic, drinking is wrong. By the very nature of his disease, he cannot control his drinking once he starts and once he begins to drink, he becomes a risk to himself and to others. If you are a friend of an alcoholic and you know that he is an alcoholic, then it would be wrong to encourage him to drink. It would be wrong to take him to a bar, to buy him drinks and to drink with him. You might be contributing to his destruction. That does not change just because you happen to know that he was drinking yesterday, does it?
Now if you consider this totally hot girl as a real person, rather than some sexual conquest, then you would easily see that it is not ethical to be a contributing factor in the breakup of her marriage. Do you really think that you can build a solid relationship with this person based on a foundation of dishonesty and cheating? Or are you just looking for some quick fun?

Quick fun...

[harvey1]

Quick fun...

I think that secular morality cannot offer you any advice here. Your desire for sex with a hot girl is not going to impact the human race all that much, so I don't see how they can justify a moral code in this situation. But, this is what I've been saying all along. If humanity became largely atheistic, out go many of the moral codes that make up society.

I would argue that adultery is not just a violation of an invented moral code, but moral codes actually exist. If you violate them, then you'll eventually experience a hysteresis effect that comes from breaking those codes. How and when might be in doubt, but the effect is certain.

My recommendation is to seek spiritual truths and hold onto them with all that you have by living them each and every day. This way of life also has a hysteresis effect that not only improves your life, but improves all those who come in contact with you.

[McCulloch]

... the only thing i'm worried about is hurting someone's feelings or destructing a relationship.. i'm not so sure that they really care about eachother, or that their relationship is anything to fret over because of the fact that either they obviously have little to no passion left, or she's just one cold-hearted bitch.

If you are asking for moral guidance, then I would say that you would be better off to be sure before you get involved. Do you know if the marriage is breaking up? Are they in the process of getting a divorce? Have they separated?

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "cheating is wrong, not all adultery". Isn't adultery defined as cheating on one's spouse?

according to the bible it's any sex outside marriage.

I know what the Bible says. Do you believe that cheating is wrong? Do you believe that adultery is wrong?

Now if you consider this totally hot girl as a real person, rather than some sexual conquest, then you would easily see that it is not ethical to be a contributing factor in the breakup of her marriage. Do you really think that you can build a solid relationship with this person based on a foundation of dishonesty and cheating? Or are you just looking for some quick fun?

Quick fun...

Therein lies your moral problem. In order to properly address the issue that you have asked us to address, that is, "is it ok to do the nasty with her", you have to first face the reality that this "really hot girl" is another person. She has a life, relationships, problems, turmoil, feelings and choices just like any other person. If all you can do is treat your fellow humans as objects to be used for "quick fun" then your basis for morality is really quite shallow.

Why, if you don't mind me asking, are you even concerned about morality? Why not just do her if it feels good and you can get away with it and she wants you to?

You seem to have contradicted yourself when you say that all you want is some quick fun, but you also say that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or destroy relationships. If you really care about other people, and you do not want to hurt people's feelings and destroy relationships, then you have to recognize this woman and her husband as fully human beings.

[reggie jax]

If you are asking for moral guidance, then I would say that you would be better off to be sure before you get involved. Do you know if the marriage is breaking up? Are they in the process of getting a divorce? Have they separated?

I don't know, we never talk about her husband..

I want to find out but i don't want to ask her cause i'm afriad of how she's going to react.

I know what the Bible says. Do you believe that cheating is wrong? Do you believe that adultery is wrong?

I already told you, i think sex outside marriage is ok. I would never cheat on my spouse, and i think cheating's wrong, but only if the relationship is geniune.

Therein lies your moral problem. In order to properly address the issue that you have asked us to address, that is, "is it ok to do the nasty with her", you have to first face the reality that this "really hot girl" is another person. She has a life, relationships, problems, turmoil, feelings and choices just like any other person. If all you can do is treat your fellow humans as objects to be used for "quick fun" then your basis for morality is really quite shallow.

Why, if you don't mind me asking, are you even concerned about morality? Why not just do her if it feels good and you can get away with it and she wants you to?

You seem to have contradicted yourself when you say that all you want is some quick fun, but you also say that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or destroy relationships. If you really care about other people, and you do not want to hurt people's feelings and destroy relationships, then you have to recognize this woman and her husband as fully human beings.

I don't get your logic. So just cause i'm looking for quick fun and don't want a relationship, that means i can't/don't care about hurting people? If i recognize her as a human being, we can't have a fling or be friends with benefits?