Alzheimer's vs. Cancer

What would you do if?

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cnorman18

Alzheimer's vs. Cancer

Post #1

Post by cnorman18 »

As many here know, I make my living as a caregiver for the elderly. I am the alternative to the nursing home; I help my clients live out their last days with dignity, in cleanliness and comfort, in their homes. Since I began this work a few years ago, I have been present at the passing of five of my clients.

My current client is an elderly man with, at this point, moderate Alzheimer's disease. That is a one-way road, and it gets pretty dark toward the end. Patients in the last stages are often constantly terrified - every place is a strange and frightening place and everyone a stranger to be distrusted and feared. It's a very, very hard way to go.

That prognosis is difficult enough for his family to deal with; but he also has terminal cancer. It is "treatable, but not curable." Chemotherapy will extend his life to some degree, but at the expense of some discomfort, which may grow worse with time.

The dilemma should be obvious, but to spell it out: should he undergo treatment, or not?

Life extension, when one has Alzheimer's, is a mixed blessing; if it involves additional pain, it is even harder to contemplate. Would it be kinder to allow him more time with his family before the disease grows more debilitating, and risk possibly extending the suffering of that terrible disease? Or to allow the cancer to take him before he is living among strangers?

I am grateful that this decision is not mine to make, but as often happens, I have become an adjunct member of the family and am there for many of the discussions. It's hard to watch. The consensus thus far is to proceed with treatment as long as he tolerates it well; so far, the side effects have been mild and not painful or difficult for him. If it grows harder, they will stop the treatment and let nature take its course.

We are only at the beginning of this journey; he is beginning to come "unstuck" in time, occasionally unsure if he is at home and who his wife (of almost 50 years) is; but most of the time he's still pretty well connected. The cancer is not yet giving him discomfort. Both will gradually grow worse.

I just wonder how others would answer this question. I don't think that religious questions are particularly important here; the question just seems to me to be, what's the right thing to do? It seems to me that the family is making a good and reasonable choice.

Any thoughts?

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Misty
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Post #31

Post by Misty »

I don't think my husband always sees it that way! :lol:

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ChaosBorders
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Re: Alzheimer's vs. Cancer

Post #32

Post by ChaosBorders »

cnorman18 wrote:
You are to be commended and admired for your love, commitment, and dedication to your mate. Not many people seem to understand what "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" means any more. My hat is off to you.
Seconded on the commendation. My grandfather had a similar thing happen to him and my grandmother took care of him for a decade and a half before they finally needed assisted living. He passed away last year and her own health and mental state has improved considerably since then. She still has dementia, but we think the stress of worrying about/dealing with him was a significant contributor to her decline.

Personally, I have seriously thought about getting myself euthanized if something like that happened to me. I'm rather attached to my intelligence and independence, and the idea of being in any way a burden on my loved ones is extremely unappealing. :\
Unless indicated otherwise what I say is opinion. (Kudos to Zzyzx for this signature).

“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.� -Albert Einstein

The most dangerous ideas in a society are not the ones being argued, but the ones that are assumed.
- C.S. Lewis

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Misty
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Post #33

Post by Misty »

If my husband was physically disabled, but still the man I married mentally, that would be much easier. I loved the man he was intellectually, not the man he has become.

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ChaosBorders
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Post #34

Post by ChaosBorders »

Misty wrote:If my husband was physically disabled, but still the man I married mentally, that would be much easier. I loved the man he was intellectually, not the man he has become.
Certainly understandable. My grandfather had his tumor/accident when I was two. I grew up occasionally hearing how he used to be and it always struck me that I really would have liked to have known that man, not the comparative shell he had become.
Unless indicated otherwise what I say is opinion. (Kudos to Zzyzx for this signature).

“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.� -Albert Einstein

The most dangerous ideas in a society are not the ones being argued, but the ones that are assumed.
- C.S. Lewis

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