Dwindling love.

[Corvus]

You were once in love with a woman. But that love started to dwindle as more problems gathered in the relationship, even though she worships you. In fact, she worships you too much, and her obsessive adoration is, you feel, dangerous to her psychological health. You want to end this relationship, but you are certain that if you end it, she will suicide.

What do you do?



La Rochefoucauld - "Ah, how hard it is to break with someone we have ceased to love."

[Goat]

And then when she threatened to kill herself because I obviously didn't love her as deeply as she did, me, well lets say I hope she is ok because I left that relationship in a bit of a hurry.

You should take the suicide threat for what it is. It is an attempt to control your behaviour. Do what I want or I'll kill myself and it will be your fault. This is faulty reasoning. If she ends her own life, it will be her own fault. She has delusions that the relationship can continue when only one partner in the relationship is committed to make it continue.

While logically I can agree with you, having already been through this, I wear his Dragon Pendant around my neck every day, and have for many years now. I still feel some of the guilt. I wear it to remind myself to never let anyone get that close again. It isn't worth it.

While I am sure you feel guilty about it, just because one person had a lot of problems with not being able to get over commitment, doesn't mean everyone will. I know that I would not have such a fragile ego that having a relationship end would send me into that kind of depression.

I don't think you should blame yourself for that. He was responsible for his own actions. It is just a shame that he was not able to handle the breakup, and he didn't get help for the depression that followed. It is a shame he wanted more than you were able to give. and it is even more of a shame that the actions he did left you burdened with guilt, and the desire nto to get that close to someone again.

With that, I will leave you with a poem that I got off a tea box once

To Laugh
Is to risk appearing the fool.

To Weep
Is to risk appearng sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk
Invclvement.

To expose feelings is to resk
Exposing our true self.

To place your ideas,
Your dreams , before the crowd
Is to risk loss.

To love
Is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk dispair.
To try at all is to risk Failure.
But risk we must.
Because the greatest hazard in life is to
Risk nothing.

The man, the woman who risks nothing,
Does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

[Confused]

And then when she threatened to kill herself because I obviously didn't love her as deeply as she did, me, well lets say I hope she is ok because I left that relationship in a bit of a hurry.

You should take the suicide threat for what it is. It is an attempt to control your behaviour. Do what I want or I'll kill myself and it will be your fault. This is faulty reasoning. If she ends her own life, it will be her own fault. She has delusions that the relationship can continue when only one partner in the relationship is committed to make it continue.

While logically I can agree with you, having already been through this, I wear his Dragon Pendant around my neck every day, and have for many years now. I still feel some of the guilt. I wear it to remind myself to never let anyone get that close again. It isn't worth it.

While I am sure you feel guilty about it, just because one person had a lot of problems with not being able to get over commitment, doesn't mean everyone will. I know that I would not have such a fragile ego that having a relationship end would send me into that kind of depression.

I don't think you should blame yourself for that. He was responsible for his own actions. It is just a shame that he was not able to handle the breakup, and he didn't get help for the depression that followed. It is a shame he wanted more than you were able to give. and it is even more of a shame that the actions he did left you burdened with guilt, and the desire nto to get that close to someone again.

With that, I will leave you with a poem that I got off a tea box once

To Laugh
Is to risk appearing the fool.

To Weep
Is to risk appearng sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk
Invclvement.

To expose feelings is to resk
Exposing our true self.

To place your ideas,
Your dreams , before the crowd
Is to risk loss.

To love
Is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk dispair.
To try at all is to risk Failure.
But risk we must.
Because the greatest hazard in life is to
Risk nothing.

The man, the woman who risks nothing,
Does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

I like the poem, and though I appreciate your words, I knew better than to get involved with him. I don't take the entire burden of his death on my shoulder because I knew him for a long time before we got involved and he knew I wasn't capable of love in the form most want. But I also knew the type of person he was. I knew that if I gave him the chance, he was convinced he would be that one to change my mind. I still don't know how it happened, or why in the heck I was dumb enough to let it happen, but I did let it happen. That is my burden to carry. I know that I will never find someone who will change me. I have known it for a long time. I know what type of guys it is safe to get involved with and how long I should let it last. He should have never happened. He risked everything and lost, I risked nothing and lost. I will carry that on my shoulders and his dragon will always remind me that love is an emotion that one is better off never learning (excluding my children and parents of course).