You are friends with someone. You two have been close friends for many many years. You spend a great deal of time with each other.
Then one day you see your friend kissing someone who is not their spouse. You ask them about it and say something like,
"I trust you. So I am going to be honest with you but I don't want you to say anything until I figure out what I want to do. XXXX and I have been dating for a couple weeks now and I really like him/her. I know I shouldn't but I'm not sure about how much I like my spouse. Please don't tell anyone. I'm just trying this out. If he/she doesn't work out I will go back to my spouse."
What do you do? You know both this person and their spouse. You havn't seen any problems before this. They have 1 young girl.
What do you do?
Having been in a similar situation, I just thought long and hard about how it affected me
. I know this sounds selfish, but bear with me a moment.
Someone I knew, a woman, was (pretty much) married to a guy I didn't know very well. She was also friends with another man I do know well. She asked me to keep her association with the latter secret, though there was no physical aspect to their friendship, her new hubby wouldn't like it.
I told her to go away and stop pretending to be my friend.
I would not be dishonest to her hubby, and requiring me to set aside my ethical decisions is not something that I would accept from a 'friend'.
In this specific case, I would tell the friend that we were friends no longer, until he could drop the requirement that I lie to someone.
It isn't easy, but it is the more comfortable choice, since lying about that kind of thing is especially uncomfortable for me.