Intermarriage--Some Wise Words

[Jrosemary]

Here's an interesting and, I think, wise speech reported in the Huffington Post:

From remarks at the General Assembly of the Jewish Federations of North America, Nov. 9.

Intermarriage is a huge reality for the Jewish community. Half of Jews are intermarrying, which means that two-thirds of new Jewish households are intermarried; half of young Jewish adults have intermarried parents.

The Jewish community has choices: it can take steps to engage interfaith couples; it can ignore them and let them drift away; or it can push them away . . .

Read the complete article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/edmund-c- ... 81466.html

Thoughts? Comments?

[cnorman18]

Here's an interesting and, I think, wise speech reported in the Huffington Post:

From remarks at the General Assembly of the Jewish Federations of North America, Nov. 9.

Intermarriage is a huge reality for the Jewish community. Half of Jews are intermarrying, which means that two-thirds of new Jewish households are intermarried; half of young Jewish adults have intermarried parents.

The Jewish community has choices: it can take steps to engage interfaith couples; it can ignore them and let them drift away; or it can push them away . . .

Read the complete article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/edmund-c- ... 81466.html

Thoughts? Comments?

Wonderful article. I agree with it 100%. It's long past time for the Jewish community to become less insular, which remains a characteristic of it even in the ranks of Reform Jews. That doesn't just mean accepting, FULLY accepting, intermarriage; it means accepting more contact in a religious context with other faiths as well. That is, communication and conversation about religion, but without proselytizing -- and for THAT matter, we need to become less reluctant to talk about the good things about Judaism, too. In my experience, Jews don't like to talk about our religion much to non-Jews. It's just "not done." There was once a reason for that, but it isn't there any more.

As my lady pointed out when we talked about this last night, though, that means that we Jews need to be more knowledgeable about Judaism ourselves. I'm a convert; I was REQUIRED to study, and deeply. Very many Jews take being Jewish for granted and don't bother to learn much about what we actually think and believe. That's where Judaism being a religion AND a culture AND a civilization AND an ethnicity can get in the way, I think. There is theological content to Judaism, if only in the prominence of ethics in our belief and practice and our heritage of reluctance to impose definitions and dogmas while affirming God; and too few non-Jews know that, partly because too few JEWS know that.

Why is "assimilation" a problem for us? And let's be clear: that's what the concern is here, Jews leaving the Jewish community and living as Gentiles. I think assimiliation is a problem only when Jews are not firmly rooted in Judaism. "Messianic" Jews, the extreme case, wouldn't become Christians while thinking they were "fulfilling" the teachings of Judaism if they were really familiar with their own beliefs. If the Jewish partner is a "secular Jew" who isn't interested in the religious aspects of the community, who's surprised when he or she begins to get interested in another faith, or just abandons religion and leaves the community behind entirely?

If a Jew who is in touch with Judaism marries a Gentile, it's the Gentile who will probably be more inclined to change -- or at least to accept the Jewish partner's beliefs and culture and affirm them. If one isn't a nutball -- and let's face it, we do have a few of those -- there's just not much to object to in the Jewish religion. If one can accept Jewish culture, the religion part shouldn't be a problem.

If we want to remain strong in our Jewish identity as a community, we need to encourage our people to be strong in their Jewish identities as individuals. If that happens, intermarriage becomes something to embrace, and not something to fear. It was way easier to maintain cohesion as a people when it was done FOR us, by being locked out of Gentile society and isolated in our own shtetls and ghettos. The Chasids still do that to themselves, but that's not a solution, from where I sit, only hiding from the world, which isn't why we're here. Now, we ARE part of the larger community, which we're SUPPOSED to be, and we'd better get our collective and individual acts together if we're going to stay who we are.

[Jrosemary]

I think we're largely in agreement, CNorman. We need to genuinely welcome interfaith couples.

Do you think Conservative Judaism will ever marry interfaith couples? My synagogue is, I think, genuinely welcoming to interfaith couples, but if they want a rabbi to officiate at their wedding, it still has to be a rabbi of another branch. (Gay marriage we can do--as long as both partners are Jewish! But no interface marriages, gay or straight.)

[cnorman18]

I think we're largely in agreement, CNorman. We need to genuinely welcome interfaith couples.

Do you think Conservative Judaism will ever marry interfaith couples? My synagogue is, I think, genuinely welcoming to interfaith couples, but if they want a rabbi to officiate at their wedding, it still has to be a rabbi of another branch. (Gay marriage we can do--as long as both partners are Jewish! But no interface marriages, gay or straight.)

I think eventually that will happen, but the Committee on Faith & Practice moves with an absolutely glacial slowness. I doubt if it will happen in the lifetime of anyone living today, but it WILL happen. I think some sort of celebration of a civil marriage or marriage in another branch or faith will happen first, and that's a step in the right direction, anyway.

I'd like to see a bit more openness to encouraging conversion, as opposed to requiring it, if you see what I'm getting at.

[BlackCat13]

Interfaith marriage can be a, more or less, hassle no matter what theology you follow. Some theologies are simply more accepting of it than others. For one thing, there's figuring out what the heck you're going to raise your children as. According to Judaism, if the mother is Jewish, her children are Jewish, but what if the mother decides to let the father who is, say, Catholic, take over the children's theological education. It can be a pain. You're Jewish, but you're Catholic. And honestly, splitting between 2 religions when both parents are active in that religion, would reeeeaaaally be a pain.

I think Judaism has a stronger chance of increasing its numbers by accepting interfaith marriages and, as cnorman said, encouraging conversion, but not requiring it. I've only been to 1 temple service, and it was a nice primarily musical one, but I loved it and felt about as accepted as I have any where, even if I was completely clueless and baffled when people started shoving bread at me before the service. O.o lol

Of course, none of this is to say Judaism is going out and being like 'we must increase our numbers!'. No. Not what I'm going for saying.

I guess my fiance and I have it easy. He thinks Jewish, I tend to lean towards Judaic beliefs the more I know about them (many/most of them I already had, just didn't know it coincided with Judaism), and he'd thought about converting before. I'm learning more about it, with the possibility of conversion at some point. We're attending a class once a week, a sort of Judaism 101 at the local synagogue, but with college having been so bonkers as of late, and Tuesday being nearly our only evening of rest during the school week, we've skipped out quite a bit over the last month. Oops. But if he wants to convert, I'm 90% sure I will (I research things to a fault before jumping in), and I'm pretty sure if I said I wanted to convert, he'd be right behind me walking into the synagogue. Makes the whole interfaith marriage thing a moot point.

[Jrosemary]

Welcome Blackcat!

I agree that interfaith parents face particular challenges--it's a good idea for them to talk about how to raise their children ahead of time. I'm always amazed and awed at the fact that, in my experience, many times the non-Jewish parent takes an active role in raising the children Jewish.

Good luck to you and your fiance. If you enjoy your class on Judaism and do decide to take the plunge and convert, find a rabbi you love. It's a long journey, and you'll want a rabbi you can really talk to.