Preaching at funerals

[nobspeople]

I've lost many family members over the past few years. Sunday, my aunt drowned in a pond after falling through the ice, they think, to save her dog, this past Sunday.
So I've been to many services and will be going to one more this week once arrangements are finalized.

In the past services, the preacher 'doing' the service always fell into the 'are you saved?/do you know jesus as your savior' mumbo jumbo.
All people considered themselves 'christian', though none were actively practicing.
I found it offensive, as a memorial/funeral service (at the funeral home not the grave site) is highly out of place and distasteful as, from what I know, non of the dead family members asked for this to happen.

For discussion:
Do you think it appropriate for a preacher to 'preach' salvation at one's funeral service?
If you've experienced this before, was it offensive and or out of place, or were you fine with it?

[We_Are_VENOM]

I've lost many family members over the past few years. Sunday, my aunt drowned in a pond after falling through the ice, they think, to save her dog, this past Sunday.
So I've been to many services and will be going to one more this week once arrangements are finalized.

In the past services, the preacher 'doing' the service always fell into the 'are you saved?/do you know jesus as your savior' mumbo jumbo.
All people considered themselves 'christian', though none were actively practicing.
I found it offensive, as a memorial/funeral service (at the funeral home not the grave site) is highly out of place and distasteful as, from what I know, non of the dead family members asked for this to happen.

For discussion:
Do you think it appropriate for a preacher to 'preach' salvation at one's funeral service?
If you've experienced this before, was it offensive and or out of place, or were you fine with it?

Solution: Stop going to places that you find offensive.

Problem solved.

[benchwarmer]

I've lost many family members over the past few years. Sunday, my aunt drowned in a pond after falling through the ice, they think, to save her dog, this past Sunday.

Oh no, sorry for your loss nobspeople.

For discussion:
Do you think it appropriate for a preacher to 'preach' salvation at one's funeral service?

Absolutely not unless that was an expressed wish of the deceased. i.e. a final plea from the believer that everyone 'has to' listen to.

After all, funerals are for the living left behind, not the person who is already dead. Some seem to miss this point. It's supposed to be about coming together and remembering all the best of the loved one that has passed. It's a time for family and community, not for getting preached at.

If you've experienced this before, was it offensive and or out of place, or were you fine with it?

No, haven't experienced it. Though to be fair I was a Christian last time I was at a funeral mass (Roman Catholic). I don't recall any 'extra' preaching beyond what normally happens during mass. At the time I may not have considered anything the priest said as 'preaching', just the usual thoughts during any other homily plus some kind words for the family.

I'm guessing the experience varies from denomination to denomination. Some preachers can't help themselves I suppose.

[benchwarmer]

Snippage and bolding mine.

... (at the funeral home not the grave site) is highly out of place and distasteful...

Solution: Stop going to places that you find offensive.

Problem solved.

Wow, just wow. So your solution for nobpeople in this time of grief is avoid the funeral home (NOT a church) because there might be an insensitive preacher there?! Is this some sort of Christian love I'm not aware of?

nobspeople, I know it means little and it's not even my place, but I feel I have to apologize for some of our members here. I thought we were all a little better than this even though we all love to argue and such.

[Bust Nak]

Do you think it appropriate for a preacher to 'preach' salvation at one's funeral service?
If you've experienced this before, was it offensive and or out of place, or were you fine with it?

Both of these questions need to be answered by the immediate family of the deceased. No one else's answer is all that relevant, not even the answer of the deceased. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Having said that, presumably the immediate family would take the wishes of the deceased into account when formulating their own answer.

[We_Are_VENOM]

Wow, just wow. So your solution for nobpeople in this time of grief is avoid the funeral home (NOT a church) because there might be an insensitive preacher there?! Is this some sort of Christian love I'm not aware of?

Well, avoid places where there is a good chance a preacher may be present. Is that better?

That aside, look, I can see beyond the surface. In my opinion, the OPer has been flooding the forums with sensationalized topics.

It isn't as if the preacher stood there and gave an entire sermon on salvation and such...he probably just mentioned it in passing, and moved on.

But the little bit that was said about salvation (or whatever) was enough for OPer to think to himself "this doesn't seem right, lets see what the forum has to say about this", and then come on here, sensationalize it, blowing it out of proportion, and in essence making a big deal out of nothing.

The consensus of everyone who weighed in on the subject is clear; it is no big deal, so move right along.

[nobspeople]

Perhaps I need to amend my 'end of days' stuff so this doesn't happen to me?

My suggestion is a Unitarian pastor. In general, even what passes for preaching on a Sunday is more about togetherness and spirituality than any concept of salvation. They're generally Christian enough that only fundies would consider anything wrong and the ones that I've been acquainted with personally know how to read a room.

For my own funeral, if my family wants Pentecostal fire and brimstone at my funeral, they're welcome to it. The funeral's for them, after all. I have mentioned to those likely to be involved in any arrangements that a Unitarian would be a solid choice, though, and I'd recommend one to anybody else that finds themselves in a similar position.

Good insights. Thank you

[nobspeople]

Now let's talk about those that DIDN'T want this at their service and those that made no preference. How would you respond to these two instances if preaching happened?

I personally do not attend religious services that are not my own, but if circumstances meant I found myself at one I would either sit respectfully or if possible, discretely leave. The deceased should have had the forthought to make arrangements that ensure his wishes be recorded and respected, but few of us do . In any case, the person is dead and if the family get some comfort from imposing their own wishes, the person doesnt get any deader because of it. There's little point in allowing what cannot be changed to add to one's grief.

True points.
The service is for the people in attendance, not the dead person. As such, I'd suspect, if the dead person knew people would get offended at XYZ, they would specifically ask for no XYZ.
In my cases, it wasn't specified (though none were practicing christians) so to me, being 'preached at' at such a time was distasteful.

[nobspeople]

[Replying to JehovahsWitness in post #8]

I personally do not attend religious services that are not my own

Does this mean you wouldn't go to a funeral service of someone you're friends with if that person has a different religious view and, likely, a different memorial service?

The deceased should have had the forthought to make arrangements that ensure his wishes be recorded and respected

I'm sure the woman that dies in the car crash going to church had the foresight to make sure her memorial service wouldn't offend everyone that may attend.
Maybe if they're a JW and don't have any friends outside of the JW, this would be a non-issue.

In any case, the person is dead and if the family get some comfort from imposing their own wishes, the person doesnt get any deader because of it.

True about the dead person. Though, I'd suspect, many attendees potentially have differing views.
I wonder if a christian would think it weird if preaching WASN'T at a memorial service...?

There's little point in allowing what cannot be changed to add to one's grief.

True, but many times, this isn't possible when it comes to a memorial service and the like: logic can't compete with grief many times.

[JehovahsWitness]

[Replying to JehovahsWitness in post #8]

I personally do not attend religious services that are not my own

Does this mean you wouldn't go to a funeral service of someone you're friends with if that person has a different religious view and, likely, a different memorial service?

Yes, that is correct. I dont voluntarily place myself into situations that are to me... distastful.

... to me, being 'preached at' at such a time was distasteful.

....I'd suspect, many attendees potentially have differing views.

Are you suggesting it is problematic to be exposed to views that one does not share? Are you saying people would rather not listen to differing views?

[brunumb]

I wonder if a christian would think it weird if preaching WASN'T at a memorial service...?

I just find the notion of proselytising at such events somewhat offensive. Not unlike if a car salesman got up and offered special bargains to friends of the deceased.