Parental dilemma

[Corvus]

You find out that your 12 year old son had been switched at birth and that your biological son has been brought up by another couple, and vice versa for them.

Would you switch the children back? Why or why not?

This actually happened to some South African parents. One was brought up in relative affluence, the other in an average home.

[otseng]

First, I'd like to have proof that the children was indeed switched. If there was undeniable proof of it, our family would sit down with the 12 year old to discuss it. If the child wouldn't want to change, then everything would stay the same. My own personal leanings would be to keep things the same.

[fried beef sandwich]

I'd like to meet my biological son for curiosity's sake. And truthfully, i think the matter would depend on what is best for the child, and what the child would want for himself.

[ST88]

I would hope that my family and the other family could come to some kind of understanding about the two children. I don't think it would be good for the children to abruptly switch them out of their homes, but I might offer a suggestion that the two families spend some time with their biological children, and perhaps settle into a semi-permanent arrangement similar to custody agreements. Until the children are 18, there could be agreements about having both children live in one house at the same time for a month during a summer, for example.

I think this could be a valuable learning opportunity for both children about the differences between genetic inheritance and parental influence. They would probably find out more about themselves and their motivations than I could ever hope to about myself.

This is all on the assumption that the other family would be willing. If they weren't willing, then we'd have to see what kind of compromise could be reached. I don't think I could let it go, however, or put the decision entirely into the hands of the child -- that doesn't seem fair to either of us and puts a tremendous burden on the child.

[adherent]

hey, I was born in South Africa....

i would switch.

[Khaen2010]

Why do we put so much emphasis on who contributed the necessary biological material? If you've raised the child for the past 12 years, then they are more your child than the being sharing your genetic make-up. Most societies accept that children are shaped by their upbringing and not by their genes. There is no gene for meanness or niceness, or any one of a million other character traits. These traits are the result of the environment the child is raised in. If I've had a child for 12 years, then he/she is my child, not the one related by blood.

[Dilettante]

I'm not sure the environment is always more important than the genes. Babies seem to be born with certain basic character traits (I'm a father of two, and at least that's my impression, but I could be wrong).