Poets and other writers have taken on this subject extensively, and even science has speculated that the combination of psychological longings to connect combined with pheromones produces what might be called "love." But is the societal concept of "romantic love" an actual thing that can be measured, or is it an ideal to strive for that has no real basis?
Does romantic love exist? And, if it does, what form does it take?
Does Romantic Love Exist?
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Post #12
Really, I have no idea. Maybe. But is that because I'm in a classical relationship where love is supposed to flourish, or is it just an illusion of friendship & intimacy?Squall wrote:Out of mere curiosity, who in this discussion besides BeHereNow has actually been in love?
Post #13
This is something I've though about a lot!
First of all, I think that many of those people who are the most cynical about love, are those with broken hearts, or those who are dissapointed because they haven't been able to achieve a loving relationship. I'm not saying that's always the reason, but I have a feeling that this is often the reason... and I say this because I'm a great romantic, who have more or less lost my belief in romance completely.
As an overweight woman, it is definitely hard to believe sometimes that "love" isn't just a nice word for physical attraction. I don't know how many times I've had conversations with my male friends, about their frustrations because they couldn't find the right girl... knowing very well that I had many of the human qualities they were looking for, and that if I had looked different, they would probably have been "in love" with me. Therefore, I've often said that romantic love don't exist.
But... I know that I have felt true love - and, as someone else mentioned, a broken heart. In my case, it was in a person that wasn't really what I would normally consider as physical attractive, but the fact is that the more I got to know him, the more I came to love him, and the more attracted I was to him. So, if I can have that kind of feelings, then of course everybody else can too.
Of course, there's "love" and love. To many people, a relationship is a must, not just something you want for yourself, but something you feel is expected of you. You're kind of a failure if you're always single... I've certainly experienced how people have treated me like something they were supposed to feel very sorry for because of it. So, people jump into one relationship after the other, not to be with that specific person they're with, but simply to be able to say that they have the relationship in itself. Meeting someone you didn't expect to meet and falling in love with them is not the same as looking for someone you're going to make yourself "fall in love with". That's not the same as saying that you can't wish to have someone to love and be loved by, for all the right reasons - but I am saying that in many cases, people are more in love with being in love and being in a relationship, than they're actually in love with their partner. That's why couples constantly break up as soon as everything isn't cute and perfect anymore.
Sometimes I do worry that the people who really are interested in true love, and not just status symbols, have become very rare.
First of all, I think that many of those people who are the most cynical about love, are those with broken hearts, or those who are dissapointed because they haven't been able to achieve a loving relationship. I'm not saying that's always the reason, but I have a feeling that this is often the reason... and I say this because I'm a great romantic, who have more or less lost my belief in romance completely.
As an overweight woman, it is definitely hard to believe sometimes that "love" isn't just a nice word for physical attraction. I don't know how many times I've had conversations with my male friends, about their frustrations because they couldn't find the right girl... knowing very well that I had many of the human qualities they were looking for, and that if I had looked different, they would probably have been "in love" with me. Therefore, I've often said that romantic love don't exist.
But... I know that I have felt true love - and, as someone else mentioned, a broken heart. In my case, it was in a person that wasn't really what I would normally consider as physical attractive, but the fact is that the more I got to know him, the more I came to love him, and the more attracted I was to him. So, if I can have that kind of feelings, then of course everybody else can too.
Of course, there's "love" and love. To many people, a relationship is a must, not just something you want for yourself, but something you feel is expected of you. You're kind of a failure if you're always single... I've certainly experienced how people have treated me like something they were supposed to feel very sorry for because of it. So, people jump into one relationship after the other, not to be with that specific person they're with, but simply to be able to say that they have the relationship in itself. Meeting someone you didn't expect to meet and falling in love with them is not the same as looking for someone you're going to make yourself "fall in love with". That's not the same as saying that you can't wish to have someone to love and be loved by, for all the right reasons - but I am saying that in many cases, people are more in love with being in love and being in a relationship, than they're actually in love with their partner. That's why couples constantly break up as soon as everything isn't cute and perfect anymore.
Sometimes I do worry that the people who really are interested in true love, and not just status symbols, have become very rare.
Re: Does Romantic Love Exist?
Post #14Hi, ST88! Cool question, indeed...
As the personal concept is extended or extrapolated to meet the needs and/or marketing desires of society, some corners are cut... generalizations and stereotypes become useful because the boundaries get kinda fuzzy.
Regards,
mrmufin
I think that love is a saomewhat personal concept. As I've mentioned elsewhere, a well-calibrated love-O-meter has not yet been developed.ST88 wrote:But is the societal concept of "romantic love" an actual thing that can be measured, or is it an ideal to strive for that has no real basis?
As the personal concept is extended or extrapolated to meet the needs and/or marketing desires of society, some corners are cut... generalizations and stereotypes become useful because the boundaries get kinda fuzzy. I'll suggest that love exists as a highly personal emotional state. The love you may have for a significant other may be different than the love that I have for msmufin. Trying to nail it all down in measurable, scientific terms can get tedious...ST88 wrote:Does romantic love exist? And, if it does, what form does it take?
Regards,
mrmufin
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sin_is_fun
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Post #15
Love is friendship.Love starts often as lust and ends in friendship.There is nothing divine or romantic about it.Even true lust is true love.
Post #16
Do you make a distinction between lust and love, or are they merely degree measurements on the same scale?sin_is_fun wrote:Love is friendship.Love starts often as lust and ends in friendship.There is nothing divine or romantic about it.Even true lust is true love.
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sin_is_fun
- Sage
- Posts: 528
- Joined: Sat Jan 15, 2005 8:58 pm
- Location: Eden
Post #17
Lust is the mother of love(I am talking about love towards opposite sex,not towards mother and friends)ST88 wrote:Do you make a distinction between lust and love, or are they merely degree measurements on the same scale?
Love is a romaticized version of lust.It is not very differnt from lust,but I am not arguing both are one and same.
Re: Does Romantic Love Exist?
Post #18I'll go out on a limb here for a second. Assuming that humans evolved through evolution and all emotions have evolved for some purpose which may now be lost, is there an evolutionary benefit to romantic love? That is, the pop-anthropology version of males vs. females is not one of monogamy, but of multiple partners in collective societies who thrived because of their collective familial love for one another. One would think that romantic love would be a threat to these collectives (the love-unit vs. the collective), just like in science fiction novels.mrmufin wrote:I'll suggest that love exists as a highly personal emotional state. The love you may have for a significant other may be different than the love that I have for msmufin. Trying to nail it all down in measurable, scientific terms can get tedious...
If there is no scientific basis for love, then what is its biological purpose? If it can't be described and measured, then should we assume that it is a by-product of the evolution of other emotions, or did it have an actual societal purpose in the past?
