Personal Insight

[thepandemicson]

This is more of a curiosity thread than a debate thread.

I used to consider myself a Christian. Up until my parents divorce at my 13th year upon this rock, I had always attended church, and was convinced that any other way of belief had led to Hell. I don't know why I believed this way, aside from being taught Christianity at an early age. I'm not sure why I clung to it so ferociously, but I suspect I was afraid of the alternative should I lose faith.

At 22 years of age, after years of depression and loneliness, I had attempted suicide. I thought it would be better once I left the mortal world and would be walking in Heaven. But in the attempt, I found myself shaken in faith and fear for what may come instead. Would I actually be going to Heaven? Was there a Heaven to even go to? Or if there was, how did I know that I wouldn't be damning myself by my self-destructive actions alone?

Two things stopped me. One was the uncertainty of what the afterlife may actually hold for me. The other was the thought of my dad having to come to my funeral. Once I realized that I didn't want to die, I put the knife away and cleaned up the wounds I'd already left in my wrists. They serve as a reminder of my change of faith, and of a mistake I intended to learn from.

It didn't change immediately. I took a lot of time to ponder what I believed and why I believed it. And I realized that I didn't have any answers, only more questions. The more I looked into my religion, the more problems I found with it.
And I eventually came to realize that I didn't want to base my faith on fear.

Without answers, the only bit of faith I realized that I truly believe is that someone or something is out there; but I came to the conclusion that no human can truly know what that entity is. Everything we have detailing religion is written by human hands. I don't think anyone has a better chance of understanding God more than the next person; at least not with empirical evidence.

And that is why I'm agnostic.

My question is this: Have your views changed over time? And if so, who/what is responsible for the change?

[Talishi]

1. Eternal life - Jesus promised eternal life for those that believed and trusted in him. Hey, I'll sign up for that! During Jesus' time, most people were poor and were probably surviving hand-to-mouth, day-to-day. If you were handed a promise of eternal life of eternal bliss, that sounds pretty good doesn't it?

No it does not. Everything in this universe has its time and dies, from mayflies to redwoods. Even galaxies die. Accepting eternal life is to reject being a child of this world. It is like being a stone smuggled into a nest of eggs. Sign up for that if you like, but count me out.