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The Left Hand of the Damned
Satire, natch

 
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Talishi Offline
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Post BBCode URL - Right click and save to clipboard to use later in post Post 1: Mon Oct 10, 2016 9:44 am  The Left Hand of the Damned Reply

A Southpaw is a person with the “desire or behavior of preferring the use of the left hand”. Left-handedness has a variety of effects on society at large, and they are almost universally negative. Experienced boxers can be completely thrashed by much smaller opponents who choose to emphasize their left hand because their normal fighting instincts are confounded. Left handed batters often send line drives out to right field, where the opposing team usually places its weakest outfielders, and this gives the “progressive” baseball team which accepts openly lefty batters an unfair advantage.

The word “sinister” is from the Latin for left, reflecting its evil connotations. It is perhaps no coincidence that the socialists of the Democratic Party refer to themselves as the Left. Even in communiust China the phrase “left path” stands for illegal or immoral means.

Now don’t get me wrong. Some of my best friends are lefties. But just between you and me, I wouldn’t want my sister to marry one. And frankly, I don’t really have a problem with people who prefer to use their left hand, as long as they don’t shove their lifestyle choice in my face.

I’ve lost count of how many times my daughter came home from school crying because when they passed out the scissors for arts and crafts the only ones remaining were the ones designed for left handed kids and bought by the school district to promote the Southpaw agenda.

Although 13% of human beings openly choose the tragic Southpaw lifestyle, many left-handed people remain in the closet in Muslim countries due to the stigma associated with it there. Traditionally, among desert nomads, the right hand was reserved for eating, while the left hand was used exclusively to wipe bottoms

Fortunately, there is hope. Ex-Southpaw ministries use prayer and aversion therapy to condition left-handed people away from their tragic and filthy lifestyle choice. These ministries experience a high recidivism rate, it is true, but this persistent left-handedness can be laid at the door of the all-pervasive demonic influence in the world which came with the Fall of mankind in the Garden of Eden. It is a difficult cross to bear, but the only permanent solution is for Southpaws to renounce their former lifestyle and accept the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior.

Prayer to receive him now:

“Jesus, I believe You are the Son of God and the Savior of the world. Thank you for coming to Earth and dying so that I could have eternal life. Please forgive all my sins. I am going to follow You with my life now. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit and direct my steps. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
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