searching for God

[Peds nurse]

Hello my most precious friends!

First, I apologize for my rather lengthy post. I am not quite sure that it belongs on this particular forum, but I am sure that it will be moved if that is the case.

It is honesty time. I have not been on this forum regularly for quite some time. At first it was due to the busyness of having my grandchildren. As time went on however, my reasons changed. My granddaughter has multiple medical problems. She has had multiple surgeries and more to come. She has been in and out of doctors offices as well as hospitals. She has required breathing treatments, suctioning, feeding tubes, and medications. I have found myself to be completely exhausted, but more importantly, doubting God. I have not been to church in months (at least not regularly). This is partly because I feel like a hypocrite. How can I doubt God and set in a pew singing praises to Him? I have not been on this forum much because frankly, I am afraid to. I can relate more to Marco, OC, DI, Mr. Z, Benchwarmer, Willum, and Clownboat, than I can to Tam. But recently, something clicked.

My granddaughter, crawls as fast as she can away from me when she sees the breathing treatment apparatus. She screams when she hears the suction machine turn on. She has cried when I have changed her dressings, and held her for blood draws. As reluctant and hesitant she is of all those things, when all is said and done, she searches for my face. No more than I am finished with unpleasant tasks, she jumps into my arms for comfort. She doesn't understand why all these unpleasant things are being done. She cries tears of sadness and pain, but always finds comfort in my arms. I have climbed a proverbial tree. I see all the unjust things, all the hurt and pain. I get a clear view of the worlds distress. It is easy to judge the unfairness from my tree branch. But then, I think of my granddaughter, and things seem to fall into place.

The hurts in life are not an indication of God's silence. They are not an indicator of His love. They are not the purpose for which we live. It is so easy to stay in the tree, trying to make sense of it all. But just as all the things don't make sense to my granddaughter, she finds joy in the love of which she knows. She finds comfort in the face she seeks. Climbing up the tree to see God is easy, but coming down to find Him is the challenge. I have found God in the midst of all the yuck. I have sought His face.

I am not sure what the debate question is. Maybe there isn't one at all. Can we find God in the midst of all the yuck in the world?

[William]

[Replying to post 1 by Peds nurse]

Hi Peds Nurse.

You find GOD in your genuine self honesty.

Climbing into the open arms of a flesh&blood grandparent is comforting for a child, and we ought not to forget that if we have been fortunate to have experienced it.

Jesus said - I think in relation to relating to GOD, 'be like little children' and I get that. It is an important part of the process of forming a lasting relationship.

But also, we grow up in the relationship and we learn to have a hardened exterior while retaining a soft center as it were - retaining that child-like trust that even though it hurts and hurts real bad, we intuit something often beyond the reach of conscious comprehension, and that is what we attribute as GOD, and we love ourselves because of this, despite our shortcomings. And when we love ourselves, we find it far easier to love others as a consequence.

It is okay to doubt GOD now and then - it is to be expected, as surely as we doubt ourselves and others. But GOD never doubts us. That in itself is sufficient to get us through the hardest times.

Personally speaking, I do not have any expectations on GOD. So yuck, or no yuck, neither affect my relationship with GOD. I am far too smitten so to speak. I also think that unconditional love is the quintessence. I don;t feel GOD placing conditions upon me and return the compliment.

There is too much in my past which instills a sense of gratitude, even that there is also a lot of pain, heartbreak, loneliness and confusion in my wake. None of that matters. I accept what is, and flow with it, like water around the rocks.

GOD won't stop loving you for doubting GOD. From what I have seen of your expressions on this site, I doubt you would do so for very long anyway.

[JehovahsWitness]

Can we find God in the midst of all the yuck in the world?

Yes because God has not abandoned us. Since he is love there must be a good reason why he has allowed suffering and wickendess (which I have explained from the bible in other threads) and there must be a hope: That He will (soon) put an end to human suffering and people will live on this earth in the conditions originally purposed.

Jesus came so that hope will be realized, we must preach so that honest hearted people find comfort in these dark times. Take heart: God will NOT let us down, his promises will come true !!!

[marco]

First, I apologize for my rather lengthy post. I am not quite sure that it belongs on this particular forum, but I am sure that it will be moved if that is the case.

Can we find God in the midst of all the yuck in the world?

It is a privilege to hear what you say and it is humbling to have tangible proof of the depths of faith in human beings. Your confessed lack of faith does nothing to reduce your God; given your appeal and your honesty, what being, visible or invisible, could not be moved? So I am certain that whatever power you draw your strength from is giving you more help than any mortal can.

I felt a great sadness when I thought you were about to join me in the desert. I am relieved and happy that the encircling arms of your God have invisibly reached out. Surely if Christ can say: Why have you forsaken me? poor nursie is allowed a single doubt, even if only a temporary one. You are a wonderful ambassador not just for your family, but for your God. My warmest wishes to you and your family.

[Overcomer]

Thanks for sharing an honest, heartfelt post, PedsNurse. As someone who has lived in constant pain for years because of a car accident that was not my fault, I understand where you're coming from.

Are you familiar with Martin Luther's writings about the "hidden God"? To put it simply, if you push through all the "yuck", as you call it, the Lord's there. I have certainly found him in my own "yuck".

There are so many Scripture verses that I could share, but let me just post this:

Romans 8:38-39: (NIV). "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Basically, this verse is saying that, no matter what happens in our lives, be it good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, God loves us and we should never doubt that. If we want to measure God's love, we should do so by looking at the cross and Christ's sacrifice for us -- none of whom deserve it.

May God continue to make his presence known to you through thick and thin. May he strengthen and encourage you and give you his peace, wisdom and yes, even joy in the challenges. He keeps all of his promises including the one that says he will never forsake or abandon us (Deut. 31:6).

[benchwarmer]

[Replying to post 1 by Peds nurse]

Hi Peds, thank you for the honest post about your struggles. We all need to be honest with ourselves first and if you have found clarity in your faith, then that is all that matters.

We all have our own journey and only need to be happy on our own trail. You are one of the few Christians on this board who I feel really shows the best your religion has to offer. You seem to have taken the best fruits and enjoy planting them everywhere you can.

I left Christianity because I could no longer be truthful with myself after many years of research and reflection. I would not want you to join me just because you have a few moments of doubt. If you finally come to the conclusion that your faith isn't working for you, then so be it, but I think we would all want you to be really sure about that first.

In short, I'm happy that you're happy!

[rikuoamero]

[Replying to post 1 by Peds nurse]

I can relate more to Marco, OC, DI, Mr. Z, Benchwarmer, Willum, and Clownboat, than I can to Tam.

Aren't you forgetting someone?

My granddaughter has multiple medical problems. She has had multiple surgeries and more to come. She has been in and out of doctors offices as well as hospitals. She has required breathing treatments, suctioning, feeding tubes, and medications.

For what it's worth, I hope she pulls through.

I have not been to church in months (at least not regularly). This is partly because I feel like a hypocrite.

And this is making you feel guilty, I guess? You view going to church as some sort of obligation, and if you don't go, you're now some sort of bad person?

She cries tears of sadness and pain, but always finds comfort in my arms. I have climbed a proverbial tree. I see all the unjust things, all the hurt and pain. I get a clear view of the worlds distress. It is easy to judge the unfairness from my tree branch. But then, I think of my granddaughter, and things seem to fall into place.

The hurts in life are not an indication of God's silence. They are not an indicator of His love. They are not the purpose for which we live. It is so easy to stay in the tree, trying to make sense of it all. But just as all the things don't make sense to my granddaughter, she finds joy in the love of which she knows. She finds comfort in the face she seeks.

Okay, great, she finds comfort in you. Truly happy that she does.

Here's the problem in the...analogy?...you're trying to draw.
You are honestly one hundred percent there. There is no doubt. Your granddaughter sees you there, there are no doctrines, dogmas or prayers to be had or said before you'll appear and help her.
The same is not true of your god. I was once in the position of your granddaughter (not medically). There were things that scared me, terrified me, and when I cried out...God did not answer. There were no arms to comfort me.
He was apparently not as good as you yourself are, PN. You do not say to your granddaughter that there are some mental theological hoops to jump through before she can recognise that you are there. You just...are there, no ifs ands or buts.

Can we find God in the midst of all the yuck in the world?

If you've found him...great. However, there are still questions to be asked. Like why he plays hide and seek with some of us. He's apparently there for you, you somehow recognise that he is there, whereas for people like myself, he is and was not.

[1213]

...Can we find God in the midst of all the yuck in the world?

Maybe it depends on, what is God. According to the Bible, God is Spirit and love.

He who doesn't love doesn't know God, for God is love.
1 John 4:8

God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.
John 4:24

I think love can be seen, all though it seems to be rare. But when you know true love, it can overcome any thing. There is nothing that can limit it, no physical difficulty can prevent it. But people can close their eyes and ears and ignore it and not live by it. And unfortunately, many seem to do so.

But I hope your situation gets better.

[imhereforyou]

[Replying to post 1 by Peds nurse]


Look hard and earnestly enough and you'll find what you want. Rather or not it's the truth is up for you to decide.