Why So Many Leave the Christian Faith

[Jagella]

Question for Debate: If Christianity makes credible claims and "transforms lives" for the better, then why do so many people leave the faith?

There's nothing new about people converting to Christianity only to revert to the thinking and practices that made up their lives prior to their conversions. In Matthew 13:1-9 Jesus preaches his "Parable of the Sower." This parable confused the disciples, and Jesus then explained it in Matthew 13:19-23 (NRSV):

When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what is sown in the heart; this is what was sown on the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; yet such a person has no root, but endures only for a while, and when trouble or persecution arises on account of the word, that person immediately falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the lure of wealth choke the word, and it yields nothing. But as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.

So to summarize, we are given three reasons why people convert to Christianity and then leave it:

• 1. They cannot understand Christian faith and are confused by it.
  2. Christian faith can cause trouble for the convert and can even be dangerous for the convert.
  3. Christian faith can become difficult or impossible to retain for practical reasons or financial reasons.

I think that these reasons do loom large in Christians abandoning the faith, and this abandonment of the faith has become known as "apostacy." Apostates are those Christians who "fall away" from Christianity.

I am an apostate. I left the Christian religion for the reasons listed above. However, the Parable of the Sower doesn't cover all the bases. I had other reasons for leaving the faith including seeing little if any truth in it. I'm an honest man who values his personal integrity, and I won't be a phony. I'm not going to to deliberately and knowingly spread falsehoods. As such, I could not remain a Christian.

[Difflugia]

Personally, I have seen people walk away from God because they were angry with God re: tragedy in their lives or they belonged to a legalistic church that made religion an ugly chore or they wanted to commit a sin such as living with their girlfriend or leaving their wife for another woman and, because the church said that was bad, they chose to leave the church so they could live as they wanted to. I have known people in these categories.

It's a basic human reaction to be angry with those we believe have failed us, and "ugly chores" are not something we want to do. On the other hand, people are driven to have sex. So based on what you've posted here, you see Christianity as in opposition to natural human feelings and desires.

I think another way to look at this is that whenever someone has to make an expensive choice, he or she is likely to scrutinize the options. The decision to live with a partner or leave a marriage is a big deal with a lot more at stake than just sex or the idea of sin. If the last hurdle in the way of something important is Christianity, then you can bet that Christianity will suddenly get much more scrutiny than it did before.

There are many situations where the same kind of thinking goes on. An old coworker calls out of the blue with a sweet job offer? You can bet I'll be looking much more closely at my current employment even if I was otherwise content yesterday. If on sober reflection, I find my current job wanting, is that making excuses or is it seeing things today that I simply had no particular reason to look for yesterday?

Look at the other side of the coin. When I'm feeling less charitable, I think many people choose Christianity because the idea of a cold, unfeeling, random universe scares them and not because they've honestly engaged with any evidence. On other occasions, I realize that's not a fair assessment. In practice, I find that taking people's claims at face value leads to understanding them better.

It's been long enough since I've been a Christian that it's sometimes hard for me to remember what it was like actually believing that a god was real. I know that I did, though, and I know that I was sincere. Yet now, I know that it's all crap and I can no longer fully imagine what it was like to believe as genuinely as I know that I did. I also know that I didn't have ulterior motives, either when I believed or when I stopped believing. Even though I probably couldn't make myself believe now if I tried, I know that I did, so I know that it's not only possible, but very likely that others do, too.

I humbly ask that you take atheists (or even those just differently Christian than you*) at face value.

* OK, I realize that the post I was responding to was from Jagella, who almost certainly is not Christian in any way, but I kind of got on a roll.

[Jagella]

The horrible, disgusting, nasty way that Christians treat one another in-person and online.

One of the main reasons I debate Christianity is to defend Christians from other Christians.

The canned, superficial answers they had been given to complicated questions.

Otherwise known as "Christian apologetics."

They met a God who didn’t meet their expectations..

I'm not sure about this one. Do you mean they sought a God whom they expected to find but could not find? If so, then that would explain my departure from Christianity.

The stupidity and ignorance of so many Christians.

I'm not sure if many Christians are stupid, but I have met some who are willfully ignorant of anything that might cast doubt on their beliefs and that includes science.

Failure to live up to the gospel of legalism.

Some Christians complain that Christianity is rendered shallow by "all those rules." I ask them which rules they object to: The Ten Commandments or The Sermon on the Mount.

They loved the world more than Christ.

Even as a Christian I didn't find Christ to be lovable. I see him as a fanatical and often hateful man.

The cares of this life choked the (spiritual) life out of them.

I cared for the money that was being drained from my wallet by huckster evangelists!

[OnceConvinced]

Just from my own observation, the 3 main reasons people leave Christianity are:
1. They get hurt by a person, group, or church practice.

Then their faith must have been very weak to begin with. That should never be a legitimate reason to no longer believe. It may be a legitimate reason not to attend church, but why would it affect their belief in God? Humans can be nasty some times. That's the way of the world. Yet, that doesn't stop people from believing in God.

2. They become discouraged about a life situation that is not changing despite them trying to be faithful, and give up.

Once again, they must have had weak faith. But even thought they may give up that doesn't mean that they ceased to beleive.

The big question that arises from this one and the previous one you mention is why was their faith so weak? With the holy spirit in them, why?

3. They are involved in some kind of sin that they don't want to quit.

I find it hard to beleive that this would be a reason why any Christian would leave the faith. After all they'd still believe there was a god who was going to send them to hell. The whole Hell thing is a huge factor that would keep someone like this in.

And why would you leave when you believe you have the grace of God over you?

No, I don't buy that one at all and I don't think I've ever come across anyone who rejects Christianity due to some sin they wanted to keep going on with. You don't just stop believing for a reason such as that. That person would still believe. They're just rebelling. I don't think you can call them ex-Christians.

And as Jagella said, how could the desire to sin ever draw you away? I doesn't make any sense. The holy spirit? Jesus? Really?

It seems like there are several people on this forum who used to be Christians (or something else) but abandoned their faith

I would never have said I abandoned my faith. I would say that my faith abandoned me. It was a very painful realisation when I discovered I no longer believed anymore.

after studying and questioning for a period of time. I think that it's likely those people are the kind that would be here, because they have put a lot of time and effort into examining what they used to believe. They have something to say.

True.

The people that leave for the reasons I listed, I wouldn't expect to see on this site. They are more likely to avoid any contact with religion for a while IMO.

I agree with that too. The people you mentioned are not really atheists or ex-Christians. They are believers. They haven't actually left the faith, they're just like prodigal sons.

[Divine Insight]

It seems like there are several people on this forum who used to be Christians (or something else) but abandoned their faith after studying and questioning for a period of time. I think that it's likely those people are the kind that would be here, because they have put a lot of time and effort into examining what they used to believe. They have something to say.

This certainly describes me. Although, like Once Convinced I too do not think of my realization that Christianity is false to be "abandoning my faith". It would seem to me that I would need to be a complete idiot to continue having faith in something that I can clearly see is false. Not only this, but to even attempt to do so would to be live a lie. And why would I want to do that?

In fact, I never even questioned the truth of the Bible. I didn't turn to studying the Bible as a skeptic. To the contrary, I turned to studying the Bible for the purpose of understanding "God's Word" so that I could help other people understanding. Not the least of which were pastors within our own church who held different views on various Biblical issues.

So my purpose was to find answers to questions that weren't even necessarily mine. After all, if my purpose is to help others understand the "Word of God", then I had better be prepared to answer any question anyone might have, right? So I went into this fully expecting to find answers. After all, I had been taught that the Bible contains answers to ALL our questions. That alone may have been a bad teaching, but it was what I believed when I started out.

Unfortunately, for the Bible, what I found was precisely the opposite. Not only was I not finding answers to the questions I was seeking answers for, but in the process of seeking those answers all the Bible did was create even more questions. The more I search the more questions I had, and the answers were not forthcoming.

I finally realized that not only are there no good answers in the Bible but the more I study it the more obvious self-contradictions and problems arose. It got to the point where I could see that the Bible could not possibly be the "Word of God". No God could be that stupid.

So I really had no choice but to face the reality that the Bible cannot be true. It wasn't even a matter of faith at all. It would be absurd to continue to place faith in something that isn't making any sense and only leads to more and more contradictions with every question raised.

There comes a time when trying to keep the "faith" requires lying to myself about what I'm actually discovering. And there's no way that I wanted to live a life of faith based on a need to continually lie to myself.

I also became mature enough to actually ask myself why I should want to even have blind faith in this religion. So I asked myself that question very seriously. And the answer was a real eye-opener. The only reason to keep the faith is to avoid damnation. But ironically in order to keep that faith I must also have faith that there is a God who is out to damn me in the first place. How utterly absurd is that?

What about the promise of eternal life?

Well, to be perfectly honest about it that carrot was never incentive for me to believe in this religion at any point in time. I'm not afraid of ceasing to exist. So I'm certainly not going to pretend to believe in an obviously failed theology just so I can convince myself that I'll be granted eternal life.

For me, ceasing to exist can't be any worse than returning to the state I was in before I was born. Apparently it didn't bother me then, why should it bother me after I die?

Fear of death is truly the silliest fear a person can ever create for themselves. Any religious person who believes in a religion for the promise of eternal life or to avoid punishment after death has truly played the greatest joke on themselves that they will ever experience.

[Jagella]

I think another way to look at this is that whenever someone has to make an expensive choice, he or she is likely to scrutinize the options. The decision to live with a partner or leave a marriage is a big deal with a lot more at stake than just sex or the idea of sin. If the last hurdle in the way of something important is Christianity, then you can bet that Christianity will suddenly get much more scrutiny than it did before.

Comparing Christian evangelism to a marriage proposal is an astute observation. Apologists often make much ado over the resistance they encounter from those they try to convert. They interpret that resistance as the unbeliever hesitating to leave one's beloved sin behind. However, I think a better explanation is that the potential convert does not want to make a snap decision and may be taking time to weigh the pros and cons of converting to Christianity much like a person may hesitate to accept a marriage proposal needing more time to make such a big decision.

And why do apologists seem to think sin is so enticing?

Finally, just like a spouse may get a divorce realizing that the marriage wasn't what was hoped for, a person may leave Christianity for the same reason. A divorced person isn't necessarily a phony, and the same goes for ex Christians. Sometimes you don't know how something will taste until you take a bite. If you find the taste to be bitter, then you spit the morsel back out.