Short Story - Anyone wanna critique?

[ConiectoErgoSum]

Hey so I wrote a short story, and I want some feedback, but I can't show any of my friends because some of the characters actually exist, and I don't want others' opinions of them to be negatively affected by my own opinions.

So here it is - I don't care about grammar, just tell if you think its interesting or funny or cliche or stupid or whatever:

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She was extaordinarily stupid. Okay, maybe "stupid" is a strong word. After all, we all make mistakes. Stupid has sort of an accidental connotation. Like "I was walking around downtown, alone, at night, wearing nice clothes, and I decided to talk to a homeless guy, in hopes of rescuing him from his plight, and I got mugged. That was stupid." Cause it's more like naievety, when we say "stupid". You can't help being naieve. Or ignorant. But I guess if you do it again, then its really stupid. Like "I was skateboarding down a hill when I was 14, and my skateboard started wobbling all over the place, and I swear the wheels were gonna fall off, so I jumped off and miraculously stayed on my feet... then I tried it again and scarred the hell out of my knees, wrists, and forehead. That was really stupid."

Anyways, I guess stupid is actually a rather weak word for what she was. She wasn't stupid. She wasn't even really stupid. She was extraordinarily stupid. Extraordinarily stupid means you do the same stuipd thing time after time, and you never learn. I mean she was lazy, yes. She was pathetic, and needy, and angry, and bitter. But it was completely her fault. I'm not blaming her for being socially awkward, or annoying - maybe you can't help that. I'm awkward and annoying sometimes, and I don't feel like I can help it, so I can't blame her. She didn't have many friends because she was annoying and immature. But that's not what made her extraordinarily stupid. Cause when somebody actuallydid come her way, she turned the cold shoulder. When there's not a lot of people that like you, its stupid to turn your back on the few that do. And that's not even the whole story. I could maybe see turning your back on somebody that you don't like, even if they are one of the few that like you, just because you're incompatible personalities. But she actually did like this guy. There was definite mutual interest - almost exclusive mutual interest, cause nobody really wanted either one of them. Okay, nobody disliked him, perse, but nobody really wanted to spend time with him, cause it was just difficult. He was in a wheelchair, and you had to scoot him around everywhere, and carry him up the stairs and stuff. But he was really a great guy, it just took a lot of work to be his friend.

But if you've only got one guy who really wants you, I'd think you'd really go all out. I mean, she always talked like she liked him like crazy, but she was wishy-washy. Changed her mind every 3 days. One day they're in a relationship, the next day they're not. Anybody watching could see that they were the only people for each other. No other guy wanted her, and no other girl wanted him. They had a lot of faults, these two. His, he couldn't help. Hers, she could. That's why I say she was extraordinarily stupid. She didn't have a driver's license, so she said she could never go see the guy. I told her to take the bus. "But it only comes every hour, so I'd have to wait an hour both ways, going there and coming back. By then I'd be late for work, so it's not worth even going." I told her to just be on time for the bus and she wouldn't have to wait at all. She didn't seem to understand that. So I asked her "why don't you just bike there? I mean it's only 5 miles. A little far, yes, but you could get in shape and see your boyfriend too." She said her bike had a flat, so she couldn't ride it. Really? You can't just get a new tire? I mean here's a girl who only has one chance in the whole world at being in love with somebody, and she won't even walk to a bus stop or fix a tire to see him. She just makes excuses non-stop. Extraordinarily stupid, lazy, selfish.

Now, I think you don't have to deserve somebody's help for them to give it to you. I mean, take some bum on the street, right? He walks up to you with a liquor bottle in his hand, and asks you for fifty cents. Now I'm saying to myself about then, "yeah okay. Like I'm oblivous to the fact that you'll only buy more liquor." But then, if I hoard my money, I'll probably waste it too. Maybe not on liquor - but something I don't need anyways. I might as well contribute to somebody's liquor fund, rather than hoard money. Even lazy people can use a leg up, and I don't mind. So I tell this girl, "Listen. I'm gonna buy you a damn bike. If I buy you a bike, will get up and go see the one guy you may actually have a chance with?" And she gets all defensive, of course. "Maybe it's not damn time I was in a relationship!" But she knows its true. There will never be a good time if its not now. He's the only guy that's ever liked her that way. So she consents.

The very next day I'm beating the bushes, trying to find this girl a bike. It's gotta be kinda low to the ground so she can touch bottom, and it's gotta be something for a beginner. Not too fancy or anything, cause it's probably gonna wear out pretty fast. But I'm flexible. So I contact the thrift store, and a couple cheapo bike shops. They don't have anything, but they say they'll keep me posted. So I wait like two days, then I ask her "why don't we just get the flat fixed?" And she tells me she's not dating him anymore. Not that any of this was unexpected. But it still frustrated me to no end. Extraordinarily stupid. Lazy. You honestly think you're gonna find a relationship out there that doesn't demand your time?

That was around April of 2011. Around May of 2011, that's when we first started noticing the signs of the apocalypse. I mean, we'd seen stuff for months past - all kinds of earthquakes and tsunamis around the world. Tornadoes in the middle of the piedmont. But we never really put two and two together, until the moon exploded and crashed into the earth. The whole earth started bouncing around like a regular pinball, and pretty soon its orbit got all sorts of screwed up. I sorta forgot my worries during that time, and started watching the news more. When big-world stuff is happening, everybody kinda forgets their problems. Strangely, their problems do actually go away. I mean not if you're starving or anything - if you're starving, your problems are still there even during the apocalypse. But if you're over-stressed at work, or your marriage is failing, or the college fund isn't working out quite like you wanted, well who cares. There's epic stuff going on - everyone drop your pants!

Well eventually some good-samaritan extra-terrestrials noticed all the hubub, and came over to give us a leg up. We earthlings were so appreciative. See, these guys had figured out gravity - they knew how to use it. They blasted the moon with this grav-ray thing, and set our whole orbit back into motion. People really started wondering if that's how the whole thing started in the first place - no big bang or anything, just a bunch of good-samaritan extra-terrestrials running around in space, setting everything in motion.

Anyway, as soon as everything got back in order (around June of 2011), everyone remembered their problems again. The groceries had all gone bad - a bunch of suicides came out of that. Plus, wall street had plumetted, along with most of the stock brokers in the world - to their deaths, that is, out of skyscrapers. When the world's about to end, it's pretty interesting, but if you lose some groceries and stocks, well you might as well call it quits.

But about a week later, I start thinking about it again. I mean I can definitely fault this girl for being lazy. But I was thinking about this time, about two years back. I was hanging out with a girl - a different girl, by far - and we spent a lot of time together. We started getting to know each other. We said a lot of corny stuff, and made a lot of dumb jokes - in retrospect, I think that's what eventually did us in. But for awhile, I can remember that all I wanted was to talk to this girl, and see her at any cost. I drove two hours to see her one time, just to play guitar hero and her friend's apartment. Then we cuddled on the couch, and just didn't even say anything. It was really something. Then when it was time to go, she made me get up, and I had the most awful boner, and I couldn't get it to go away. That was really embarassing.

Now this was all during school, so summer was coming up. And man, I was crazy about this girl. But then I went off to the mountains for the summer, and she went off to the coast, where she grew up. There was this crazy beautiful girl up there in the mountains, at this summer program I worked at. We'd get kids to volunteer and go fix houses for people, for free. But this crazy beautiful girl on my staff, man, I got hung up on her. It was stupid, too. Cause she wasn't looking for anybody, and we didn't have anything in common, and technically I wasn't looking for anybody. I don't know why I even entertained the idea of this girl in my mind, but I did. Then I started getting jealous and stuff, and all the while I was losing interest in the girl back home that I actually had a reason to like. The real girl and I were still keeping in touch - writing letters and stuff. Real old-fashioned and corny, but heart-felt all the same. I think I really blew it. I'd say it was really stupid to let myself fall for somebody on beauty alone, but I'd done it before plenty of times. Extraordinarily stupid.

But when I got back home in August, and the girl and I met up again, I could tell right away things weren't the same. I was so used to some crazy beautiful girl that I'd forgotten what I liked about this real girl. I think she could tell, too. If somebody knows you're not really interested anymore, they kinda lose interest too. I knew, with time, that we'd grow to remember what we liked in each other, so I went ahead and tried to force it. I asked the girl to be my girlfriend. She declined - told me she was too busy with schoolwork right then. Everybody knows that's code for "I really don't like you anymore". I was kinda shocked, but I guess she legitimately lost interest in me too. So I'd officially blown my chance with a great girl.

Now there's something you should know about me. Before this real girl, I'd never had a mutual interest with anyone before. I'd fallen in "love" with almost every beauty in every school I'd been in since middle school. But those girls never even knew me, or I them. A couple along the way liked me I guess, but I just wasn't interested. So this real girl, she was the first real mutual interest I'd ever met. And even since then, she remains the only one. I had about once chance, and I blew it. Not that I was lazy, but I was shallow anyway. I made the same stupid mistake I'd made a million times before - making me extraordinarily stupid in the first degree.

The point is, if I'm gonna blame this lazy girl (which I most definitely am) for being lazy and blowing a great relationship, then I've gotta blame myself for being shallow and also blowing a great relationship. I guess the thing is, I witnessed this lazy girl being extraordinarily stupid, and so I realize my own fault. I didn't recognize my own extraordinary stupidity until I saw it in somebody else.

Will that change anything? Hope so. I hope that I can learn from my mistakes. If making them didn't do it for me, I hope that recognizing them in other people will knock some sense into me. But I guess it doesn't really matter what happens, cause the world is due to end again in 2012, and that's only about 6 months out. Moral of the story: You live and learn, but the world always ends before you can implement all your life lessons.