Should people "shack-up" before marriage?

[Nickman]

I personally think that when two adults shack-up prior to marriage, they have a better chance of staying married and avoid divorce. This I have concluded from my own logic and experience. If we get to know a person prior to marriage on that level we are able to make a better decision about whether or not we can be married to that person. If we don't shack-up we won't be able to see how that person truly is in that setting. Christians tend to be against shacking-up which I feel has led to the statistics showing that they are more susceptible to divorce than atheists who do tend to shack-up.

What do you say? Should we shack up? Is it beneficial? If not why not?

P.S. Just because "god said so" is not a good answer. Please provide why it is harmful or wrong and the potential problem it could cause.

[Goat]

I personally think that when two adults shack-up prior to marriage, they have a better chance of staying married and avoid divorce. This I have concluded from my own logic and experience. If we get to know a person prior to marriage on that level we are able to make a better decision about whether or not we can be married to that person. If we don't shack-up we won't be able to see how that person truly is in that setting. Christians tend to be against shacking-up which I feel has led to the statistics showing that they are more susceptible to divorce than atheists who do tend to shack-up.

What do you say? Should we shack up? Is it beneficial? If not why not?

P.S. Just because "god said so" is not a good answer. Please provide why it is harmful or wrong and the potential problem it could cause.

I think that depends. I have seen a number of occasions where 'expectations' changed at marriage, and it caused problems and divorce. I have also seen some very stable marriages. I personally think that if people are willing to keep the lines of communication open, and know the pitfalls of the potential of changing expectations, it doesn't matter one way or another.

[Moses Yoder]

The only thing you need to make a marriage work is commitment. If you shack up with someone you are saying "I think I love you but let's see. If you do well (according to my opinion of how you should be), I promise to love you the rest of my life. If not I'm outta here."

Before I married my wife we had bought a house that she lived in and we spent a lot of time together but we never lived together until after we were married. We courted about 2 years. There was no question that I loved her, and we have been married 22 years now.

I think the opposite of what you are saying; moving in together to see if you really love each other indicates a lack of commitment to each other which will eventually end in a break up.

[Strider324]

Absolutely.

Couples should live together for at least a year or 2 prior to marriage. A 'commitment' based on ignorance is of little value.

Living with someone allows you to determine many critical factors that mere dating does not - How do you budget money? Are you a saver or a spender? What is your attitude about the distribution of household and financial obligations? Nothing pisses off a woman more than learning her mate is actually a couch potato who only engages himself in social activities as a function of the fact that he is dating...


The couples I know that lived together first have been the most successful, as they had the least amount of 'surprises' to reconcile. I myself have been married for 33 years, and advised both of my daughters to cohabitate as we did.

[Goat]

The only thing you need to make a marriage work is commitment. If you shack up with someone you are saying "I think I love you but let's see. If you do well (according to my opinion of how you should be), I promise to love you the rest of my life. If not I'm outta here."

Before I married my wife we had bought a house that she lived in and we spent a lot of time together but we never lived together until after we were married. We courted about 2 years. There was no question that I loved her, and we have been married 22 years now.

I think the opposite of what you are saying; moving in together to see if you really love each other indicates a lack of commitment to each other which will eventually end in a break up.

I disagree.. the commitment will happen if you live together or not. It depends on the person. My sister, for example, lived with her husband 2 years before they got married, and they celebrated their 33rd anniversary this year. Since they went together for several years before they moved in together, they have been together for 39 years.

[Moses Yoder]

The only thing you need to make a marriage work is commitment. If you shack up with someone you are saying "I think I love you but let's see. If you do well (according to my opinion of how you should be), I promise to love you the rest of my life. If not I'm outta here."

Before I married my wife we had bought a house that she lived in and we spent a lot of time together but we never lived together until after we were married. We courted about 2 years. There was no question that I loved her, and we have been married 22 years now.

I think the opposite of what you are saying; moving in together to see if you really love each other indicates a lack of commitment to each other which will eventually end in a break up.

I disagree.. the commitment will happen if you live together or not. It depends on the person. My sister, for example, lived with her husband 2 years before they got married, and they celebrated their 33rd anniversary this year. Since they went together for several years before they moved in together, they have been together for 39 years.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2 ... t-divorce/

Above article says several things, most notably that the intent of cohabitation is a determining factor in it's outcome. (What I refer to as a no-brainer.) It also says those who do not cohabitate have a 40 percent chance of divorce in the first 15 years and those who cohabitate to test the water run a 47% chance. Only 7% higher, but still higher.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opini ... d=all&_r=0

Above is an article from the New York Times written by a psychologist at the University of Virginia that backs up almost exactly what I was saying but it does say times are changing. It also talks about how a person becomes tied into cohabitation, a very interesting article overall.

[Morphine]

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2 ... t-divorce/

Above article says several things, most notably that the intent of cohabitation is a determining factor in it's outcome. (What I refer to as a no-brainer.) It also says those who do not cohabitate have a 40 percent chance of divorce in the first 15 years and those who cohabitate to test the water run a 47% chance. Only 7% higher, but still higher.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opini ... d=all&_r=0

Above is an article from the New York Times written by a psychologist at the University of Virginia that backs up almost exactly what I was saying but it does say times are changing. It also talks about how a person becomes tied into cohabitation, a very interesting article overall.

I read both the articles. Seems that the problem isn't with living together before marriage. The problem lies within the lack of commitment. Living together isn't to test whether you love someone or not. It's to show whether you can get along under the same roof. Different rules will be applied and more consideration will be necessary.

[NVIIIX1]

I personally think that when two adults shack-up prior to marriage, they have a better chance of staying married and avoid divorce. This I have concluded from my own logic and experience. If we get to know a person prior to marriage on that level we are able to make a better decision about whether or not we can be married to that person. If we don't shack-up we won't be able to see how that person truly is in that setting. Christians tend to be against shacking-up which I feel has led to the statistics showing that they are more susceptible to divorce than atheists who do tend to shack-up.

What do you say? Should we shack up? Is it beneficial? If not why not?

P.S. Just because "god said so" is not a good answer. Please provide why it is harmful or wrong and the potential problem it could cause.

My daughter is 22 years old. She wouldn't do this (shack-up) out respect for herself and for us.

[Moses Yoder]

I personally think that when two adults shack-up prior to marriage, they have a better chance of staying married and avoid divorce. This I have concluded from my own logic and experience. If we get to know a person prior to marriage on that level we are able to make a better decision about whether or not we can be married to that person. If we don't shack-up we won't be able to see how that person truly is in that setting. Christians tend to be against shacking-up which I feel has led to the statistics showing that they are more susceptible to divorce than atheists who do tend to shack-up.

What do you say? Should we shack up? Is it beneficial? If not why not?

P.S. Just because "god said so" is not a good answer. Please provide why it is harmful or wrong and the potential problem it could cause.

My daughter is 22 years old. She wouldn't do this (shack-up) out respect for herself and for us.

How would cohabitation indicate a lack of respect for herself or you? I can see how it might indicate lack of respect for your values.

[alive]

Personal experience is that it works...I lived with my wife for 18 months before we married..Of corse it always seems love at first site...But you really need some time to see if your completely compatiable...In my case I was Atheist and she belonged to a large Kentucky Bible carring Gun toting Nuts...We been married now 22 years with 3 kids only 1 left at home...I think the 18 months made us stronger and we were going to make regardless if her Family was sure she was marring Satan himself that somehow wont leave no matter how much Holy Water they toss at him...

I have to say the weirdest thing that happened after we lived together for 6 months my IN-Laws visited the apartment for the first time...They kept opening all the closet doors and My wife ask what were they looking for...They said the other bed rom...They were shocked that there was only one bed room...