Apologetics Arguments You're Unlikely to Hear

[Jagella]

It will be a cold day in Hawaii before any apologist uses these arguments:

The Argument From I Can Demonstrate a Miracle
Come on all you James-Randi skeptics! God exists and so does his magic, and I can show you right now. Bring on all of those sick and crippled--step right up you amputees (pun intended ). Even the dead aren't too tough to raise. In front of the cameras and the skeptics God will use me to prove his miraculous powers over sickness, death, and credit-card debt.

The Argument From I Have God's Knowledge
God talks to me just like he spoke to Moses, Isaiah, and Jesus. And just like all of them, I can predict the future and tell you everything about the present. I can tell you your birthday, your billing information, the name of your first-grade teacher, and even what lottery ticket will win you the jackpot!

The Argument From Try Reading The Bible
Read the Bible! If you don't think it's the most wonderful, wisdom-filled, moral book you've ever read, then I will accept whatever conclusion you have come to about it. That's right--I won't argue about your judgment about the Bible. I won't deny what you say about it, and I will respect what you have to say. I will recognize that you made a good-faith effort to understand it. You've read it, so obviously you know what it says.

The Argument From Try Christianity
I believe that Christianity is God's revelation to man and how he wants us to live morally and with wisdom. So I'm asking you to try it. In addition to reading the Bible, I ask you to try praying and attending church services. If you don't see supernatural wisdom and morality among Christians, then don't believe it! But I'm confident you will really see how God works with his people. I'm sure you'll see just how loving and moral his chosen are and how much it will bless your life. If that doesn't happen, then go right ahead and leave the church. I will respect your effort to give it a go. I will accept anything you conclude about it, and I will respect you as an honest and open-minded person. Heck--I'll even refund any money you tithed or donated to any church or Christian organization!

There's many more such arguments apologists wouldn't touch with a ten-foot cross, so can you think of any?

[Wootah]

1 - thank goodness Christians aren't full of hubris

2 - see response to 1

3 - I use this argument all the time and encourage everyone to read the bible

4 - see response to 3

[Divine Insight]

The Argument From Try Reading The Bible
Read the Bible! If you don't think it's the most wonderful, wisdom-filled, moral book you've ever read, then I will accept whatever conclusion you have come to about it. That's right--I won't argue about your judgment about the Bible. I won't deny what you say about it, and I will respect what you have to say. I will recognize that you made a good-faith effort to understand it. You've read it, so obviously you know what it says.

You are absolutely correct with this one. No Christian would ever make this argument as you have stated here.

In fact, Evangelists are so extremely oblivious to this argument that they can't even truly comprehend it. For if they did comprehend it they would quickly cease being evangelists.

The Bible supposedly reflects the word of Yahweh and Jesus. Therefore if anyone has read the Bible and has not been convinced by it, this can only mean that neither Yahweh nor Jesus were convincing.

Now, if an evangelists wants to claim that a person has misunderstood both Yahweh and Jesus but needs to listen to the evangelists what does that tell us?

Well, it tells us that the evangelists obviously thinks they are a better communicator and teacher than both Yahweh and Jesus!

Evangelism is utterly absurd. If Yahweh and Jesus weren't skilled enough communicators and teachers to get their message across to anyone who reads the Bible, then surely no mortal evangelist could surpass Yahweh and Jesus?

So evangelism is an utterly absurd activity/career. All evangelists are doing is proclaiming that they think they are better teachers/communicators than both Yahweh and Jesus.

How silly is that?

If I didn't find the words of Jesus convincing by reading the New Testament, then surely no mortal man is going to convince me right? For if he did, then he would have surpassed Jesus in his communication and teaching skills. That makes no sense at all.

So once I've read the Bible and found it to not be compelling, we're done. There's nothing more than could possibly be done at that point.

[Jagella]

1 - thank goodness Christians aren't full of hubris

2 - see response to 1

3 - I use this argument all the time and encourage everyone to read the bible

4 - see response to 3

That's right, Woot, tell them to read the Bible, but back it up with some gutsy assurance. If you're really confident that TIMITS authored the Bible, then you can tell them you're confident that they'll agree after reading it for themselves. And by assuring them you'll give them credit for the effort regardless of what they conclude about the Bible, then they may be more likely to give it a go. Let them know you'll treat them with respect even if they interpret it differently than you do.

I think TIMITS likes that kind of confidence in his followers. It's what you might call true faith. Heck, the weak arguments that most apologists offer might be downright insulting to TIMITS. If TIMITS is real, then I'm sure he's eager to let us all know it.

[Divine Insight]

The Bible clearly fictional by Genesis chapter 3 verse 14:

[14] And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

Where did this sentient serpent come from?

If God created it, then God is an inept creator.

If God can't cure it of its evil mind, then God is inept as well.

If some other God created the evil serpent then it's not monotheism.

If the only solution this God can come up with is to curse it with mean and cruel curses, then this God isn't any better than the evil serpent.

The Bible is dead already by the 3rd chapter of Genesis.

It only continues to go downhill from there.

The only people who continue to believe the Bible after Genesis 3:14 are those who think that it's somehow intelligent or justified to do mean and cruel things to others.

Notice also that this curse didn't even solve anything. Nothing at all. Things only continued to go downhill after that.

In fact, has anyone ever noticed that the God of the bible never solves any problems at all. Even supposedly sacrificing his only begotten son (or himself incarnated as a mortal boy) doesn't solve any major problems. In fact, it doesn't solve any problems at all. All it does is supposedly offer sinful humans undeserved amnesty if they are willing to accept having this cruel sacrifice done on their behalf.

How does that 'solve' anything?

Apparently the Biblical God can't solve anything, ever. At best, all he can do is offer people undeserved amnesty by being cruel to his Son (i.e. being a Sadist), or by being cruel to himself (i.e. being a masochist).

Other than this, what has he ever done that could be said to have intelligently or benevolently solved a problem?

Having himself, or his demigod son brutally crucified by humans is neither an intelligent nor benevolent act. What's wrong with this God that the only way he can solve anything is to make people crawl on their bellies and eat dirt, or some other horrific thing like that?

Where's the intelligence in this?

Show me where this God has displayed any inkling of intelligence when it comes to trying to solve problems.

[Wootah]

[Replying to post 4 by Jagella]

What do you think happens after someone reads the Bible? I ask them what they thought.

[Divine Insight]

[Replying to post 4 by Jagella]

What do you think happens after someone reads the Bible? I ask them what they thought.

And if they tell you that it doesn't sound like it came from any God, and that it sounds just like any other common human folklore, do you wonder why God was unable to convince them of his supreme infinite wisdom and intelligence?

[Tcg]

[Replying to post 1 by Jagella]

The Argument From, "You're Going To Hell"
Oh wait, my bad, we hear this one pretty much all the time.

[Tcg]

1 - thank goodness Christians aren't full of hubris

When did this change take place?

2 - see response to 1

See reply to 1

3 - I use this argument all the time and encourage everyone to read the bible

I'd love to have the chance to talk to anyone who has never read the Bible before and manages to make it through the Pentateuch.

4 - see response to 3

How does one, "Try Christianity"? Do they have to pretend that a person named Jesus actually existed? Do they have to pretend that this person they are pretending existed did things they know are impossible?

Is there some kind of refund included in this offer? If they, "Try Christianity", for say 30 days and realize it is useless, do you refund them the 30 days they spent pretending that a person named Jesus existed and did things they know are impossible?

[Wootah]

How does one, "Try Christianity"? Do they have to pretend that a person named Jesus actually existed? Do they have to pretend that this person they are pretending existed did things they know are impossible?

Is there some kind of refund included in this offer? If they, "Try Christianity", for say 30 days and realize it is useless, do you refund them the 30 days they spent pretending that a person named Jesus existed and did things they know are impossible?

Actually yes. Dare you to do.