Happy to be back among you

[Peds nurse]

Hello my beautiful forum family! I have missed you all so very, very, much!

First, I would like to apologize for my posts prior to today. I know they were not very good and I also know that they came from a mind and heart full of many distractions.

About 2 years ago, our granddaughter came into foster care. She was about 18 months old at the time, and we already had her sister who was 6 months old, with some pretty significant medical needs. So, my husband and I found ourselves parenting very small children. As time went on, and the biological parents seemed to not get their life together, it became clear that it was unlikely that the children would return home. We are in our middle 50's, and starting over as parents seemed like a huge undertaking. As we bonded with the girls however, we knew that our hearts were committed to them, as we love them dearly. We decided that if the courts terminated parental rights, we would step up to raise them. What I had not counted on, is the grief that goes along with such a decision. I had so many plans for our "golden years." We would travel, do some things to our home, visit grandkids at leisure, and enjoy our time together as husband and wife. I had to let go of all that...and it was much harder than I thought, and what surprised me the most, was that I found myself wanting to be in seclusion. I am a people person, but I stopped going to church, I stopped posting on this forum, and I stopped pursuing the God I love.

Long story short (alright, too late for that), I tried going through the motions of what brought me joy. I tried posting on here, but I just felt so empty, so distracted, and insincere, that I just couldn't do it. I went to church, and although I love those people so much, I felt no passion to be there. I was tired, I was depressed, and I was alone....even though I wasn't alone. I kept praying...and praying...and praying.

I also at this time kept reading the Bible, but only a few passages at a time. Slowly, but ever so surely the cloud began to lift, and I could not only smile on the outside, but feel it on the inside. Who knew grief over the loss of a life planned could be so taxing?

Why would I tell you all such personal information? Because being a Christian does not mean a rosy, no problem life. It does not mean that we will never get depressed, be sick, or grieve the loss of a life we wanted. It doesn't mean that we will never get angry, say things we regret, or stop going to church. It does mean that we are human, that we make mistakes, and that perhaps sometimes, we don't always handle situations with love and grace. It means that we are a people, who not only needs God, we need each other.

I need you all. Glad to be back.

[otseng]

Wow, thanks for sharing and glad to see you back!

Your story reminds me of the Weaver poem by Grant Colfax Tuller.



The Weaver

My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow,
And I - in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I, the underside.

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

~Grant Colfax Tuller



https://www.beneathmyheart.net/2016/01/ ... -tapestry/