When She's Not Your BFF

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● Eph 5:25-27 . . Husbands love your wives

The Greek verb translated "love" in that passage is from agapao (ag-ap-ah'-o) which is an easy kind of love to practice because it's more about benevolence than affection. Agapao-- unlike phileo (fil-eh'-o) --doesn't require that we like people or be fond of them.

Examples of agapao are: kindness, courtesy, greetings, civility, loyalty, charity, thoughtfulness, sympathy, lenience, tolerance, patience, long suffering, deference, hospitality, generosity, etc.

This is very fortunate because some wives are impossible to like. However, the command to love one's enemies also applies in a husband's relationship with a difficult woman who's just as much his enemy as any other.
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● Eph 5:28-33a . . Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body.

. . . For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. That's a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,

That, of course, is a practical application of the so-called golden rule; which first shows up in the Bible at Lev 19:18, is applied at Lev 19:34, and reiterated at Matt 7:12 and Luke 6:31.

The opposite of the golden rule would be for a husband to do unto his wife the very things that he does not enjoy being done to himself; either by word or by deed.

I'm not a qualified marriage counselor, but in my unprofessional opinion, were couples to practice the golden rule in their association with each other, it would go a long ways towards preventing their relationship from becoming a cold war instead of a home.

There are toxic wives out there who do not deserve their husband's affections; and in fact have done all in their power to destroy them. Nevertheless, it is his Christian duty to continue looking after her, and to treat her well as if his very life depended upon it in spite of the fact that she may be someone he deeply regrets courting.
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● 1Pet 3:7a . . Give honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel,

NOTE: Although husbands are superior in a Christian marriage, their position doesn't grant them carte blanch to mistreat their wives any more than Jesus has carte blanch to mistreat his church. (cf. Eph 5:28-30)

The Greek word for "honor" basically means: a value, i.e. money paid.

The word for "weaker" basically means: having no strength, i.e. fragile.

And the word for "vessel" basically indicates anything from a soup bowl to a cardboard box; in other words: a container.

Peter isn't saying women are physically weaker than men; but that Christian husbands should exercise the same care with their wives as they would a fragile antique worth thousands of dollars like, say, a Ming vase. Nobody in their right mind handles a Ming vase like a farmer handles a 5-gallon bucket. Not that some women couldn't take that kind of handling; it's just that its unbecoming for a Christian man to lack sensitivity.

This particular assessed value isn't an intrinsic value, nor is it a deserved value either; but rather, it's a gratuitous value. In other words: Christ commands Christian husbands to categorize their wives up there with Dresden china even if she's as tough as a female cop and/or a UFC mixed martial artist the likes of Rhonda Rousey-- and this is not a choice; no, it isn't optional; it's required.

Christian husbands who treat their Skil saws and their tomato plants with more care and concern than they treat their wives can just forget about associating with God on any meaningful level.

● 1Pet 3:7b . . as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Note the word "together" which is quite the opposite of autonomy and/or independence.

Couples sometimes assert themselves with words like "What I do is between me and The Lord." No; marriage changes everything between one's self and The Lord because people become one flesh in marriage: no longer two sovereign individuals.
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My favorite husband in the Bible has to be Jacob ben Isaac.

When it came time to break off his association with uncle Laban, Jacob called his two wives Leah and Rachel out to a private place to discuss with them his reasons for wanting to pack up and move back home.

You know; Jacob didn't have to do that. In the culture of that day and age, and in that region, husbands were monarchs. Had he wanted, Jacob could've just simply announced the move instead of talking it over with Leah and Rachel and they would've been expected to cooperate.

Jacob also could've invoked Yahweh's edict, which says:

"Your husband . . he shall rule over you."

But rulers aren't required to be thoughtless beasts like North Korea's Kim Jong-un. They're allowed to be reasonable men who make an effort to govern with the best interests of their people at heart instead of their own. (cf. 2Sam 23:3-4) I would definitely put Jacob in the "reasonable men" category
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[Difflugia]

My favorite husband in the Bible has to be Jacob ben Isaac.

When it came time to break off his association with uncle Laban, Jacob called his two wives Leah and Rachel out to a private place to discuss with them his reasons for wanting to pack up and move back home.

You know; Jacob didn't have to do that. In the culture of that day and age, and in that region, husbands were monarchs. Had he wanted, Jacob could've just simply announced the move instead of talking it over with Leah and Rachel and they would've been expected to cooperate.

He also used that opportunity to lie to them.

According to the narrator, Jacob cheated Laban:

Genesis 30:41-43:

Whenever the stronger of the flock were breeding, Jacob would lay the sticks in the troughs before the eyes of the flock, that they might breed among the sticks, but for the feebler of the flock he would not lay them there. So the feebler would be Laban's, and the stronger Jacob's. Thus the man increased greatly and had large flocks, female servants and male servants, and camels and donkeys.

Jacob, however, told his wives that their father was actually the cheater and it was God that made him prosperous.

Genesis 31:4-7

So Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah into the field where his flock was and said to them, “I see that your father does not regard me with favor as he did before. But the God of my father has been with me. You know that I have served your father with all my strength, yet your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times. But God did not permit him to harm me.

If you start at chapter 28, it's clear that Jacob and Laban were cheating each other. Jacob dishonestly presented himself to his wives as the innocent, aggrieved party, however.

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Prior to my wife's conversion, she was a feminist. But you'd never guess because Christianity has been remarkably thorough in breaking that movement's hold on her thinking and on the way she associated with men.

Ironically; I was a hard-core misogynist prior to my own conversion and was convinced I could never be happy with any woman. But 44+ years of marriage to the former feminist girl I live with has proven me mistaken. viz: we've both benefited tremendously from Christianity, most especially from Rom 8:11 which says:

"If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His spirit, who lives in you."

Now; that passage may seem to be talking about characteristics pertaining to the resurrected body, but it actually pertains to the mortal body. So then Christians who start out in a deplorable spiritual condition really ought to be experiencing improvements from time to time. Maybe they won't notice, but others who've known them for an extended period should very definitely be impressed.

● 1Tim 4:15 . . Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.

Well; if not impressed then at least curious.

● John 3:6-8 . . Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit . . .The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.

Back in the last century, I worked nearly thirteen years in a boatyard located on Shelter Island San Diego. After about ten years there, and by then well known thereabouts as a woman-hating loner, I realized that my hatred for women had softened and I was wanting to be a daddy. So I bought some decent clothes, repainted my car, joined a massive single's group in a church located in Spring Valley, and started looking for a spouse.

Well; the boatyard supervisor became very curious about my attitude adjustment and wanted to know what brought this on. Was it due to my own initiative? I replied that people were praying for me. Well; that was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. He was also seeing some of the results of Rom 8:11 but I couldn't tell him that because he was mostly secular and would never buy into it.
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[Difflugia]

This is very fortunate because some wives are impossible to like. However, the command to love one's enemies also applies in a husband's relationship with a difficult woman who's just as much his enemy as any other.

There are toxic wives out there who do not deserve their husband's affections; and in fact have done all in their power to destroy them. Nevertheless, it is his Christian duty to continue looking after her, and to treat her well as if his very life depended upon it in spite of the fact that she may be someone he deeply regrets courting.

\Although husbands are superior in a Christian marriage, their position doesn't grant them carte blanch to mistreat their wives any more than Jesus has carte blanch to mistreat his church. (cf. Eph 5:28-30)

Jacob also could've invoked Yahweh's edict, which says:

"Your husband . . he shall rule over you."

Ironically; I was a hard-core misogynist prior to my own conversion and was convinced I could never be happy with any woman.

If these attitudes represent after rather than before, I'm really curious to know what you think "misogynist" means.