Putting Christ first in a marriage

[OnceConvinced]

In another thread, a member suggested that the reason why there are a lot of divorces amongst Christians is due to the fact that they are not putting Christ first in their marriage.

Question for discussion...

What does it mean to put Christ first in a marriage? How does one ensure they are actually putting Christ first in a marriage?

Extra question: If you are in a harmful marriage (say you are being abused or the partner is at fault in some way), should you continue to put Christ first?

[McCulloch]

I wonder just how many Christian marriages truly operate this way, especially in a time where women are expecting equal rights. As it happens when I was married, my Christian wife did go along with this. However we still had a lot of arguments. Perhaps for a marriage to work the wife must NEVER argue with their husband?
…
So what you are saying is that for a marriage to work and to put Christ first, a wife must be a slave to her husband? I can certainly understand, based on the bible, why you might think that.

The ones where the partners believe what is written in the New Testament work this way.

The women are to keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the Law also says. If they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church.

Does this sound like the writer allows women to argue with their husbands?

[Hamsaka]

In another thread, a member suggested that the reason why there are a lot of divorces amongst Christians is due to the fact that they are not putting Christ first in their marriage.

Question for discussion...

What does it mean to put Christ first in a marriage? How does one ensure they are actually putting Christ first in a marriage?

So far, the only poster who has tried to answer this question scripturally is McCullough (a nontheist). It does not appear to have a simple, or well understood explanation -- just whatever a person might need it to mean according to their preferences.

Putting aside Apostle Paul for a moment, Jesus' only recorded words about divorce say nothing about putting him 'first', nor do they give any apparent 'wisdom' teachings specifically about maintaining good marital relations. The bits about adultery and who is an adulterer and why are ignored by the majority of Christendom except for fundamentalist sects. What Jesus himself says about how to address marital strife is functionally nil.

Instead, what is available to work with is OT Law, Malachi channeling 'God hates divorce' (often isolated from it's full context) and the admonitions of Apostle Paul (as helpfully quoted by McCullough). A perfect set up for wide ranging personal opinions to provide 'context' for the few scriptural references to it.

[Peds nurse]

Once Convinced! I hope this finds you well. Thank you for the great topic!

Having a marriage where God is first, does not mean that either party should be in an abusive situation. It does not say in the New Testament to let your spouse beat you. It does say that the two shall become one. Two individuals come together to form one unit. They can no longer act for only their good, but for the good of the relationship as a whole. Putting God first means that in that one unit, that they seek Him first. Like a branch who gets nourishment from the vine, so does the marriage get nourishment from God.

We are all human, Christian, Atheist, Buddhist, and Muslim. We are all prone to temptations, periods of selfishness, and bouts of anger. The benefit of putting God first, is that despite these tendencies that we have, we are reminded of the greatness of God, and the forgiveness of sins. Through His forgiveness, we can forgive much!

Christians still get divorced, but it isn't a reflection of God, but rather the condition of man, who sometimes have a rather stubborn heart.

[beeswax]

[Replying to Hamsaka]

I get accused of ranting here but religion makes me want to do that. I can only see the negative side of it...And this is a classic example of men including Jesus, Paul and most of the Roman Catholic Clergy who are as unmarried men, the LAST people anyone should listen to for advice. They really wouldn't have a clue about mental and physical abuse or drunkeness or drugs or sexual demands.

As you said, just what are these women with children supposed to do? How are they going to live and eat and have a roof over their heads? And did Jesus the wonder superman have the answer? Not a clue! He even said divorced people should not get remarried even lest they commit adultery in the eyes of God. What a Pillock!

Thousands of women were held in abusive marriages because of people listening to this sort of crap!

Its a good job we have women's refuges and social care, something unknown in camel dung territory of the first century. Its time women especially, all left the Catholic Church to those frock wearing bachelors and for them to go and get a proper job. I mean why do these men wear frocks anyway? The uniform of the Pope is about as unsuitable as could be and obviously designed for the first century desert. Do NONE of these people think for themselves? I bet the Pope would still be standing up if he fell over as it looks to be made of cardboard! In fact maybe its designed that way bearing in mind how old they have to be to be Pope. I think the next one should be aged 120..

[Zzyzx]

.

Thousands of women were held in abusive marriages because of people listening to this sort of crap!

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[OnceConvinced]

Putting God first means that in that one unit, that they seek Him first. Like a branch who gets nourishment from the vine, so does the marriage get nourishment from God.

This is kind of vague really. Working as a unit. In exactly what way should they be working as a unit and how is that putting God first? They could work as a unit in a way that would be displeasing to God.

We are all human, Christian, Atheist, Buddhist, and Muslim. We are all prone to temptations, periods of selfishness, and bouts of anger. The benefit of putting God first, is that despite these tendencies that we have, we are reminded of the greatness of God, and the forgiveness of sins. Through His forgiveness, we can forgive much!

The question is not what are the benefits of putting God first. The question is how does one put God first in a marriage? How does one measure whether they are putting God first? What happens if just once you do not put God first?

This thread is addressing a claim made that if you put God first in a marriage, that it will be successful. But exactly how does one ensure that God is being put first and that there is any guarantee that's going to result in a successful marriage?

Christians still get divorced, but it isn't a reflection of God, but rather the condition of man, who sometimes have a rather stubborn heart.

I would agree that divorces have nothing to do with God. Any marital problem is a result of the failures of the husband and wife and maybe sometimes these things are beyond their control. My issue is with claims by people saying that pleasing God is going to somehow magically result in a successful marriage. I think that is nothing more than a fantasy.

[Peds nurse]

Putting God first means that in that one unit, that they seek Him first. Like a branch who gets nourishment from the vine, so does the marriage get nourishment from God.

This is kind of vague really. Working as a unit. In exactly what way should they be working as a unit and how is that putting God first? They could work as a unit in a way that would be displeasing to God.

If God says, that in marriage, the two shall become one, then it is putting Him first when we honor that union. This happens when we make decisions not for our own purpose, but for the purpose of the marriage. Even if a married couple decides to become swingers, it isn't for the sake of the marriage, but for personal pleasure that this is done, which does not honor God.

We are all human, Christian, Atheist, Buddhist, and Muslim. We are all prone to temptations, periods of selfishness, and bouts of anger. The benefit of putting God first, is that despite these tendencies that we have, we are reminded of the greatness of God, and the forgiveness of sins. Through His forgiveness, we can forgive much!

The question is not what are the benefits of putting God first. The question is how does one put God first in a marriage? How does one measure whether they are putting God first? What happens if just once you do not put God first?

We put God first in our marriage when we adhere to Him. It isn't complicated at all. There isn't a recipe or some code of ethics...we just put Him first, having faith that all things work according to His purpose. The closer we are to God, the more we trust Him with our marriage, having faith to get through the roughest of times. An example would be that my husband has a tremendous amount of back pain. Sometimes, actually a lot of times, I am holding down the fort by myself. Not only that, but it affects his mood, and he can be grouchy. I could say something to the effect of not being appreciated, but because God is first, I honor my husband with compassion and understanding.

[quote-"OC"]This thread is addressing a claim made that if you put God first in a marriage, that it will be successful. But exactly how does one ensure that God is being put first and that there is any guarantee that's going to result in a successful marriage?

Of course that isn't true because we are people who screw up all the time! We don't always put God first, sometimes we slip up, and sometimes those slip ups cost us the relationship.

Christians still get divorced, but it isn't a reflection of God, but rather the condition of man, who sometimes have a rather stubborn heart.

I would agree that divorces have nothing to do with God. Any marital problem is a result of the failures of the husband and wife and maybe sometimes these things are beyond their control. My issue is with claims by people saying that pleasing God is going to somehow magically result in a successful marriage. I think that is nothing more than a fantasy.

Honoring God in our marriage or out, does not mean there won't be problems, it does mean that we trust Him enough to continue to have hope.

[KenRU]

Putting God first means that in that one unit, that they seek Him first. Like a branch who gets nourishment from the vine, so does the marriage get nourishment from God.

This is kind of vague really. Working as a unit. In exactly what way should they be working as a unit and how is that putting God first? They could work as a unit in a way that would be displeasing to God.

If God says, that in marriage, the two shall become one, then it is putting Him first when we honor that union. This happens when we make decisions not for our own purpose, but for the purpose of the marriage. Even if a married couple decides to become swingers, it isn't for the sake of the marriage, but for personal pleasure that this is done, which does not honor God.

We are all human, Christian, Atheist, Buddhist, and Muslim. We are all prone to temptations, periods of selfishness, and bouts of anger. The benefit of putting God first, is that despite these tendencies that we have, we are reminded of the greatness of God, and the forgiveness of sins. Through His forgiveness, we can forgive much!

The question is not what are the benefits of putting God first. The question is how does one put God first in a marriage? How does one measure whether they are putting God first? What happens if just once you do not put God first?

We put God first in our marriage when we adhere to Him. It isn't complicated at all. There isn't a recipe or some code of ethics...we just put Him first, having faith that all things work according to His purpose. The closer we are to God, the more we trust Him with our marriage, having faith to get through the roughest of times. An example would be that my husband has a tremendous amount of back pain. Sometimes, actually a lot of times, I am holding down the fort by myself. Not only that, but it affects his mood, and he can be grouchy. I could say something to the effect of not being appreciated, but because God is first, I honor my husband with compassion and understanding.

[quote-"OC"]This thread is addressing a claim made that if you put God first in a marriage, that it will be successful. But exactly how does one ensure that God is being put first and that there is any guarantee that's going to result in a successful marriage?

Of course that isn't true because we are people who screw up all the time! We don't always put God first, sometimes we slip up, and sometimes those slip ups cost us the relationship.

Christians still get divorced, but it isn't a reflection of God, but rather the condition of man, who sometimes have a rather stubborn heart.

I would agree that divorces have nothing to do with God. Any marital problem is a result of the failures of the husband and wife and maybe sometimes these things are beyond their control. My issue is with claims by people saying that pleasing God is going to somehow magically result in a successful marriage. I think that is nothing more than a fantasy.

Honoring God in our marriage or out, does not mean there won't be problems, it does mean that we trust Him enough to continue to have hope.

Hope for what? A successful marriage? Hope that Christ/god will assist in said marriage? Hope is fine, imo, but it shouldn't replace (or even be relied upon instead of) effort, patience and a desire to do right by your spouse/family.

What you speak of, it seems to me, is commonality. The more two people have in common, the more likely they are to agree with each other and disagree less. This is common sense. If that commonality is religiosity then that is what will unite them more. If it is another interest then that interest is what will unite them.

IMO, that religious bond has no more a real world impact then any other interest shared with a passion.

Just sharing my two cents,

Ken

[Peds nurse]

Putting God first means that in that one unit, that they seek Him first. Like a branch who gets nourishment from the vine, so does the marriage get nourishment from God.

This is kind of vague really. Working as a unit. In exactly what way should they be working as a unit and how is that putting God first? They could work as a unit in a way that would be displeasing to God.

If God says, that in marriage, the two shall become one, then it is putting Him first when we honor that union. This happens when we make decisions not for our own purpose, but for the purpose of the marriage. Even if a married couple decides to become swingers, it isn't for the sake of the marriage, but for personal pleasure that this is done, which does not honor God.

We are all human, Christian, Atheist, Buddhist, and Muslim. We are all prone to temptations, periods of selfishness, and bouts of anger. The benefit of putting God first, is that despite these tendencies that we have, we are reminded of the greatness of God, and the forgiveness of sins. Through His forgiveness, we can forgive much!

The question is not what are the benefits of putting God first. The question is how does one put God first in a marriage? How does one measure whether they are putting God first? What happens if just once you do not put God first?

We put God first in our marriage when we adhere to Him. It isn't complicated at all. There isn't a recipe or some code of ethics...we just put Him first, having faith that all things work according to His purpose. The closer we are to God, the more we trust Him with our marriage, having faith to get through the roughest of times. An example would be that my husband has a tremendous amount of back pain. Sometimes, actually a lot of times, I am holding down the fort by myself. Not only that, but it affects his mood, and he can be grouchy. I could say something to the effect of not being appreciated, but because God is first, I honor my husband with compassion and understanding.

[quote-"OC"]This thread is addressing a claim made that if you put God first in a marriage, that it will be successful. But exactly how does one ensure that God is being put first and that there is any guarantee that's going to result in a successful marriage?

Of course that isn't true because we are people who screw up all the time! We don't always put God first, sometimes we slip up, and sometimes those slip ups cost us the relationship.

Christians still get divorced, but it isn't a reflection of God, but rather the condition of man, who sometimes have a rather stubborn heart.

I would agree that divorces have nothing to do with God. Any marital problem is a result of the failures of the husband and wife and maybe sometimes these things are beyond their control. My issue is with claims by people saying that pleasing God is going to somehow magically result in a successful marriage. I think that is nothing more than a fantasy.

Honoring God in our marriage or out, does not mean there won't be problems, it does mean that we trust Him enough to continue to have hope.

Hope for what? A successful marriage? Hope that Christ/god will assist in said marriage? Hope is fine, imo, but it shouldn't replace (or even be relied upon instead of) effort, patience and a desire to do right by your spouse/family.

KenRu:D!!!

Hope that what ever troubles, trials, and tribulations we have, God's strength will see us through! I do agree that all those attributes that you listed above, play a huge part in our decison to love our spouse.

What you speak of, it seems to me, is commonality. The more two people have in common, the more likely they are to agree with each other and disagree less. This is common sense. If that commonality is religiosity then that is what will unite them more. If it is another interest then that interest is what will unite them.

IMO, that religious bond has no more a real world impact then any other interest shared with a passion.

Just sharing my two cents,

Commonality, isn't enough to go through the trials of a dying child, a diagnosis of cancer, or adultery. It is so much more than that because Christ gives us purpose, love and strength. Not sure bowling can do that!

Thanks for your two cents...it was valuable!

[KenRU]

What you speak of, it seems to me, is commonality. The more two people have in common, the more likely they are to agree with each other and disagree less. This is common sense. If that commonality is religiosity then that is what will unite them more. If it is another interest then that interest is what will unite them.

IMO, that religious bond has no more a real world impact then any other interest shared with a passion.

Just sharing my two cents,

Commonality, isn't enough to go through the trials of a dying child, a diagnosis of cancer, or adultery.

Agreed, but religion is most certainly not a requirement either. A couple of years ago, my wife and I almost lost our son. He spent a couple of days in the ER and where, for the 1st 24hrs, we had to worry that even if he lived, he might have some brain damage.

Having lived through that (as an atheist), I can tell you what got me through it (and the health issues afterwards) was not faith in Christ or prayer. It was love, diligence, dedication and a ton of hard work and faith in science.

It is so much more than that because Christ gives us purpose,

IMO, we give ourselves purpose.

love

We give (and receive) our spouses love. IMO, nothing else is needed (as successful marriages by nonbelievers proves).

and strength.

I concede this, but only with a caveat. This strength, IMO, comes from within you. If it takes the illusion that religion provides to bring it forth, well then so be it.

I argue that one's love of their family should be all that is necessary to bring this forth.

Not sure bowling can do that!

No, but family can : )

All the best, Peds!

Thanks for your two cents...it was valuable!

: )