Putting Christ first in a marriage

[OnceConvinced]

In another thread, a member suggested that the reason why there are a lot of divorces amongst Christians is due to the fact that they are not putting Christ first in their marriage.

Question for discussion...

What does it mean to put Christ first in a marriage? How does one ensure they are actually putting Christ first in a marriage?

Extra question: If you are in a harmful marriage (say you are being abused or the partner is at fault in some way), should you continue to put Christ first?

[Hamsaka]

[Replying to post 1 by OnceConvinced]

I am especially interested in Christian's answers to this, from a neutral standpoint. I 'work' with victims of domestic violence, mainly providing daily support and an 'ear' and reality checking and all that stuff. Some of them are members of conservative or evangelical religions, and 'putting Christ first' (or God) is the reason they cannot even leave the marital home, much less divorce. I stay out of the religious parts, I don't share my views about religion because I want to help them, not give them more to worry about. One woman is an admitted agnostic, but I still tread very carefully.

It seems to me that the problems arising from 'apparently' putting Christ first, especially in a violent marriage, is just an extension of the many ways a human being can be oppressed and victimized by an ideology that is necessarily prioritized over 'real life'.

[McCulloch]

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.

Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the hear

All who are under the yoke as slaves are to regard their own masters as worthy of all honer so that the name of God and our doctrine will not be spoken against. Those who have believers as their masters must not be disrespectful to them because they are brethren, but must serve them all the more, because those who partake of the benefit are believers and beloved. Teach and preach these principles.

If anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness

[OnceConvinced]

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

I wonder just how many Christian marriages truly operate this way, especially in a time where women are expecting equal rights. As it happens when I was married, my Christian wife did go along with this. However we still had a lot of arguments. Perhaps for a marriage to work the wife must NEVER argue with their husband?

Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.

Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the hear

All who are under the yoke as slaves are to regard their own masters as worthy of all honer so that the name of God and our doctrine will not be spoken against. Those who have believers as their masters must not be disrespectful to them because they are brethren, but must serve them all the more, because those who partake of the benefit are believers and beloved. Teach and preach these principles.

If anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness

So wives were considered slaves in bible times? I dare say you're right, after all they were purchased and traded like common cattle.

So what you are saying is that for a marriage to work and to put Christ first, a wife must be a slave to her husband? I can certainly understand, based on the bible, why you might think that.

[Wootah]

Men should sacrifice for their wife. If as a man you aren't coming second in the relationship then you are not following Christ.

As for presumably, mostly women, I thinking staying in a dangerous situation is unwise. I would argue that people staying in violent relationships are not putting Christ first but are martyring themselves. I am speaking of those that can physically leave.

[OnceConvinced]

Men should sacrifice for their wife. If as a man you aren't coming second in the relationship then you are not following Christ.

It was you that made the statement in another thread that if people make Christ the center of a marriage it will be successful. That one should put Christ first.

So is all that's required is a man sacrifice for his wife? Because I certainly did a lot of that with my wife and she also made sacrifices for me too, but it didn't make the marriage successful.

It's all very well to say that if you put Christ first in a marriage (or make him the center of it) it will be a success, but exactly what does it involve? Where is the line drawn between putting Christ first and not putting Christ first? Surely you must have some idea about that if you believe it to be true?

[Hamsaka]

Men should sacrifice for their wife. If as a man you aren't coming second in the relationship then you are not following Christ.

Do you mean coming second to Christ, or coming second to his wife, or . . .?

As for presumably, mostly women, I thinking staying in a dangerous situation is unwise. I would argue that people staying in violent relationships are not putting Christ first but are martyring themselves. I am speaking of those that can physically leave.

I know you didn't mean it to sound negative, but the victims (religious or not) are more often the target of criticism for 'staying' than are their spouses for abusing them. Believe me, 'martyrdom' does not describe any victim's reasons for staying in an abusive relationship. And why should the victim have to leave? The victim is most often a woman with children. After what she has to endure from the abuse, expecting the victim to just leave is adding insult to injury.

I don't see that most conservative Christian sects are prepared to deal effectively with domestic abuse and violence, due to the doctrines of absolute obedience to scripture. Your response above is completely workable and reasonable, but obedience to scripture trumps all.

[Hamsaka]

Men should sacrifice for their wife. If as a man you aren't coming second in the relationship then you are not following Christ.

It was you that made the statement in another thread that if people put Christ first in a marriage that it will be successful. You also said that you needed to make Christ the center.

So is all that's required is a man sacrifice for his wife? Because I certainly did a lot of that with my wife and she also made sacrifices for me too, but it didn't make the marriage successful.

It's all very well to say that if you put Christ first in a marriage (or make him the center of it) it will be a success, but exactly what does it involve? Where is the line drawn between putting Christ first and not putting Christ first? Surely you must have some idea about that if you believe it to be true?

The dynamics of domestic abuse (not well understood by general society, and even less so by conservative religious groups) can only accommodate putting the abusive spouse 'first'. Men who can justify humiliating and/or battering their wives and children are not exactly the types to put Christ first, but to identify with Christ and assume his authority for themselves. Basically, the only person remotely capable of putting Christ first is the victim, so there's more pressure than ever.

[OnceConvinced]

As for presumably, mostly women, I thinking staying in a dangerous situation is unwise. I would argue that people staying in violent relationships are not putting Christ first but are martyring themselves. I am speaking of those that can physically leave.

At what point does one stop forgiving and end the relationship? After all doesn't the bible tell us we should forgive 70 x 7. There must be a hell of a lot of abuse one must take before it's acceptable to get out of the marriage.

But this says nothing about things like infidelity. If one is doing things right and being the good Christian, putting Christ first and it's the partner that does the cheating or whatever else. It's the partner who is not putting Christ first, then the marriage is going to fail. So you could be the best Christian there ever was, but your marriage is not going to last if your partner isn't up to scratch.

It seems that having a successful marriage is something that is unlikely even for Christians, no matter how much they put God first.

[H.sapiens]

Men should sacrifice for their wife. If as a man you aren't coming second in the relationship then you are not following Christ.

As for presumably, mostly women, I thinking staying in a dangerous situation is unwise. I would argue that people staying in violent relationships are not putting Christ first but are martyring themselves. I am speaking of those that can physically leave.

I don't know about the whole Christ thing but I agree with Wootah about my wife being in line ahead of me.