Daily laugh

[FinalEnigma]

Everybody likes to laugh, so I thought I'd amuse myself by starting a thread with the purpose of just posting whatever funny things you come across to brighten others' days just a little bit. So feel free to post away. it can be jokes, pictures, funny stories, anything that makes you laugh.

[The Tongue]

It was in the state of Washington, that I watched, as this young man was agonizingly scratching at his elbow, when the wife said to me, "Oh that poor man! How he must suffer with his haemorrhoids?"

How do you explain that says I, the man is simply scratching his elbow. To which, the wife replied, "Yes, but you do realise that he is a lawyer, don't you? And he wouldn't know his ass from his elbow."

[Goat]

[The Tongue]

And you think that’s funny? But what you wrote
Is what we’d expect from some Billy Goat
Nothing you’ve said comes from the Bible
And the “F� word you used, could make you libel
To receive a warning from Otseng
Cos on this forum, we don’t say such things.

But you’re words, which are “YOU,� cannot survive
Like the atheist’s joke in post “Two thirty five.�

“Jesus, went to Mount Olive,� said that brain so dim
“So Popeye then kicked ….. the “S#!T� outta him.�
And here you write in atheist style
Attacking our Lord with words that are vile.

To get a laugh you must tell a joke
As seen here below, in the words that I wrote.

“I can see them now, standing in a pit
Up to their neck in foul smelling “S#!T�
Eating their lunch and drinking their tea
When Satan says, “That’s it!....
Now, back on your knees.�

Ha Haah Haaaahhhhh.

[cnorman18]

Thanks, Goat. That's my new desktop picture.

Less the commentary, of course. I prefer the view...

[LiamOS]

Thanks, Goat. That's my new desktop picture.

Less the commentary, of course. I prefer the view...

You may be interested in the Hubble Extreme Deep Field:

It's a much longer exposure of a small section of the previous image.

[Mr. LongView]

I was watching a show about an extremely large person, nine hundred gillion plus...

A being no longer fit for a door.
(Fork lift in tandem with an excavator).

My heart felt sad.
Wow, you are over weight.

Then my optimist spoke up.

How great would it be to be one of her kids....

"Clean your room?!"

"Come and make me fatty!"

[The Tongue]

And you think that’s funny? But what you wrote
Is what we’d expect from some Billy Goat
Nothing you’ve said comes from the Bible
And the “F� word you used, could make you libel
To receive a warning from Otseng
Cos on this forum, we don’t say such things.

But you’re words, which are “YOU,� cannot survive
Like the atheist’s joke in post “Two thirty five.�

“Jesus, went to Mount Olive,� said that brain so dim
“So Popeye then kicked ….. the “S#!T� outta him.�
And here you write in atheist style
Attacking our Lord with words that are vile.

To get a laugh you must tell a joke
As seen here below, in the words that I wrote.

“I can see them now, standing in a pit
Up to their neck in foul smelling “S#!T�
Eating their lunch and drinking their tea
When Satan says, “That’s it!....
Now, back on your knees.�

Ha Haah Haaaahhhhh.

TO CONTINUE FROM MY PREVIOUS POST:

See that host of the heavens way up in the sky
Did you know that all of those bodies must die?
In fact, the source of some lights that today you see shine
No longer exist in your point in time.
They had died many millions of years ago
And the NOVA’S that heralds their death won’t glow
And be seen within your space and time
For millions of years, when those lights cease to shine.
So eliminate all of those sources of light
Which no longer exist in your time at night
And let’s see what is left of your picture so bright.

But if you wish to attack the concept of Creation and denigrate the creator God of all the religious bodies of the world, then there are specific sections within this forum for you godless atheists to carry out your offensive behaviour. This section is for fun. So P.O.Q. buddy


Hey! Did I tell ya about the fella
Who was born with a silver screw
Protruding from his navel?
Well, no bulldust mate, it’s true.

Yea, he grew up kind of wimpish;
You know? a little flamin’ prude,
No one saw him with his pants down,
Not that he thought it rude:

But he was too embarrassed
To ever drop his strides,
Cos the girls they’d really rib him
And they’d laugh until their sides,

Were hurtin’ somethin’ fearful
And the tears rolled down their cheeks;
Yet he’d been to every doctor
But they’d done nothin’, so to speak.

Oh, they certainly tried to shift it
But it beat the flammin’ lot:
Then he heard about this gypsy quack
So he gave the hag a shot.

And she told him a gypsy secret
She said, it would fix his problem soon
He had to go to the beach at midnight
And lay naked ‘neath the bright full moon

Well it sounded kinda screwy
But what was the lad to do?
He was prepared to try out anything
In his position, wouldn’t you?

So he lay on the beach ‘bout midnight,
Stripped naked with that screw exposed
When a break appeared in the clouds above
And you wouldn’t bloody know,

But down that brilliant moonbeam
That shone on the silver screw,
Slid the most gorgeous little fairy
And mate, I’m tellin’ you,

In her hand was a big screwdriver,
She slipped it in the slot
And took the screw from the boy
Who leapt for joy ........ but his bloody bum fell off!......The Tongue.

[The Tongue]

Three blokes are sitting around talking about their wives. The first bloke says that he'd just recently had his whole yard covered with artificial grass and a week later, his wife brought him a brand new mower, How dumb is that he says.

You reckon that's dumb says the second bloke, my missus had failed her drivers licence test 15 times and was banned from ever trying again, and yet she went out and bought herself a new 30,000 dollar car, you don't get much dumber than that.

You wanna bet says the third bloke, my old girl has just gone on one of those sea cruises with some of her female mates from work, and she took two dozen condoms with her, and she doesn't even have a penis, how dumb is that?

[Goat]

[JoeyKnothead]

I'll not site idle suffering the idignity of you cause me to spill my liquor all over another keyboard.

This has gotta be at least the dozenth time you've had to do it, but I demand a new'n all the same.