Sex and the Teenager

[Rattley]

The general consensus among adults is that teenagers shouldn't engage in sex. Some reasons they use are pregnancy, STDs, and the sin of adultery. But science has come to the point where the chances of the first two are extremely low if proper precaution is taken. Condoms can stave of STDs and pregnancy, and they're available for both men and women. And besides that, when it comes to pregnancy, we have birth control, the morning pill, and abortion, though the last one might not be a real option for some time.

So the first two are easily solved. But what about that last one? We know that the U.S. is full of many people who identify themselves as Christians. There are certain parts of the Bible that they hold dear, and wouldn't dare break. At least, in an everyday situation. But when it comes to sex, I think that a majority of them are quite lax.

Guttmacher Institute Statistic; 2012
NCBI Trend in Premarital Sex; 1953-2003

This one here's for any who say Christian kids don't.
Christianity Today Article - Teenage Sex

As we can see, premarital sex is quite common, even among those of faith. The thing is, here in America, we seem to ignore this fact. Many people tell their children not to have sex and never bring it back up. In sex ed classes, children are taught the same thing year after year. That men has sperm, women have ovaries, that if you have sex you can get pregnant and STDs. But never does anyone acknowledge that teenagers do have sex and they do get pregnant and spread STDs. Most sex ed classes don't even pass out condoms. It seems the adult population chooses to close their eyes.

My question is this. Do you think that parents and other adults in the life of teenagers should prohibit sex? Or should they instead acknowledge that they do and give teenagers the means to it safely? Also, whatever your stance, do you think it is a matter or morals, ethics, or logic?

[Divine Insight]

My question is this. Do you think that parents and other adults in the life of teenagers should prohibit sex? Or should they instead acknowledge that they do and give teenagers the means to it safely? Also, whatever your stance, do you think it is a matter or morals, ethics, or logic?

My views on this topic are often met with high criticism especially be religious people, but here's my take on this.

Our society is extremely inept when it come to talking about sex. And this is no doubt the very fault of religions like Christianity that places "sex" in the category of "Sins of the Flesh".

Religious societies actually created the sexual problems that we have today.

If instead of treating sex as simply 'taboo', we should address it head on. Children (especially teens and those old enough to have aroused sexual interests) should be taught the following:

Non-intercourse sex is fine.

These young people should be taught how to give each other mind-blowing orgasms without the need for sexual intercourse. They should be told that this is ok but that intercourse is not. Obviously because of the possibility of pregnancy, but also for other health risks.

So I would suggest teaching young people the art of how to reach orgasmic bliss without intercourse. This should be taught via methods of fondling, intimate finger manipulation, and mutual masturbation, etc.

It this were taught more openly teens could enjoy sharing orgasmic bliss with each other without even the need for sexual intercourse.

But unfortunately religions have made the whole issue taboo. And that's why there is such a problem with teens today. They haven't been taught how to safely bring each other to orgasm without relying upon actual intercourse.

It's a shame, but that's where we're at.

So ironically it's the religious mindset that any orgasmic stimulation is a "Sin of the Flesh" that is the cause of our total inability to deal with our need for sexual release and pleasure in a wholesome and meaningful way.

Instead, we have to hide in dark corners and be accused of being "sinners" etc.

And because of our extreme lack of education in these things we're basically on our own to try to figure out how to even have sex. And the natural instinct is naturally going to be to have intercourse. That's the natural instinct,.

So teaching these young people highly artful and erotic ways to give each other orgasms without the need for sexual intercourse would solve a whole lot of problems. And it would surely reduce unwanted pregnancies and abortions.

So if you are serious about stopping unwanted pregnancies and abortions, support that young people should be taught how to bring each other to orgasm without the need for intercourse. And teach them that this is ok, and not a "sin".

In fact, if religious people would teach their children that fondling and having orgasms is ok, but intercourse before marriage is a "sin", then they'd be much further ahead.

If they act like mere fondling and giving mutual orgasms is "already a sin", then the kids are going to be thinking, "What the heck, I've already sinned I may as well go the whole way now".

So drawing a line between merely sharing orgasm as "not being a sin" whilst having full-blown intercourse is a 'sin' would surely help a lot.

But unfortunately religious people are often so stuffy that they can't see this. So they just treat any mention of orgasmic bliss as being "evil sex" or "sins of the flesh".

We really need to get past that ancient medieval mindset and start teaching our children how to enjoy orgasmic pleasure without having to resort to outright intercourse.

[Waiways]

I can certainly see how some Christians might not like this particular view. As for me, it seems like a great compromise that reduces the amount of unplanned pregnancies and STD spread, while possibly helping to reduce the taboo surrounding sex. The major downsides are that the idea probably wouldn't go over well with congress, or most parents of teenagers, or the church . Changing the sex education system (or unifying it) in any place is like trying to move an elephant: very slow and very difficult. Regardless, it's a very interesting solution. Do you intend this to be an actual solution to the problem or just theoretical?

[connermt]

My question is this. Do you think that parents and other adults in the life of teenagers should prohibit sex? Or should they instead acknowledge that they do and give teenagers the means to it safely? Also, whatever your stance, do you think it is a matter or morals, ethics, or logic?

There are many adults that shouldn't have sex. They are irresponsible, to say the least. Should we, as a society, prohibit them from having sex?
It may sound silly, but the point it this:
there's a certain amount of maturity that should accompany sexual activity. Simply because one is "a teenager" doesn't mean they have that maturity. Likewise, because someone's an "adult" doesn't mean they have that maturity either.
Therefore, sex and sexual activity should be prefaced with responsibility and knowledge. Simply prohibiting sex nets nothing other than a future mis-understanding of sex itself IMO.

[Truely Free]

Hey, interesting question. I have a great interest in parenting and helping teenagers, so I am eager t give my opinion (right or not).
Firstly, unless it breaches the realm of abuse (and I say that conservatively, because today anything mildly unpleasant is labeled abuse and the is simply unfair) a parent should be allowed to make choices for their own family without interference from anyone: government or otherwise. I worked at a day care where we could have called DCF (department of child services) to force a parent to send their child to a psychologists. That simply isn't right. so in this matter, it is between a parents (or care-givers, all together not one or the other choosing for themselves) and their children unless it becomes a situation of abuse. (exposing a child to intercourse, having any kind of sexual contact with a child, or watching a child have intercourse. Not ok, government should get involved. I think we all know that)

When I look at the modern American culture I see that we are obsessed with sex. Not horrible, sex is part of our nature. Mark Driscoll says that sex is usually considered as God, as Gross or as a gift. I would take the last choice: in the proper confines, sex is a gift. Outside of those confines sex is damaging to everyone and everything it touches. It is powerful, not good or bad, but it needs to be respected.
In my experience when improperly taught young men learn that women are tools to use for their pleasure, and young women learn that unless they are used by men they are undesirable and essentially worthless. I have talked to many young men and women, and many people in my own generation and found this to be true in almost every case.
What happens then is that young men become monsters and young women become loose, all in an effort to find their meaning in life out of sex.

I will explain my desire for raising my own children. (By the way, if you wait until they are teenagers, it is too late) Firstly, throughout their lives my hope is that my children will see my husband serve, love and pursue each other. They can observe the effects of sex used properly without seeing the actual act at all. It is good for them to know that my husband and I desire each other in every way.
Next, I disagree with every deliberate lie told to children. Santa Clause, the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny. You would be surprised what a child understands without dumbing it down beyond recognition. As such, I will never tell my children a lie about where babies come from. As soon as they are old enough to ask they should have a straight answer (granted, modified to fit a child better and maybe told to knot tell it to their friends). I hope to be able to answer whatever questions my children bring to me to the best of their ability. I want to make myself open to be their confident through all ages.
At key ages we will talk more directly to the children about their body and their sexuality. (Husband with son, wife with daughter) As they grown, we can be more frank. Most 13 yr olds are already having sex or some form of sexual activity by then. Better that they learn from us than from anyone else.
In each of these multiple conversations, we will explain to them why participating in any sexual activity before marriage is dangerous and harmful and why marriage should provide an opportunity for anything you want sexually with your husband or wife.
My desire is that my children will learn to be inquisitive and find answers for themselves, that they will learn the best way to treat another human being in a sexual relationship, and they will gain wisdom. With this my hope is that, by the time they reach an age where they might be sexually active, the have the wisdom to decide for themselves what is the best course. If I have done my job correctly, each of my children will go into their marriages well informed about sex, but virgins. My sons won't watch porn instead of delighting in their wives or judge a women based on how well she can please him in bed or add to the epidemic of sexual slavery by demanding a supply of broken women; and my daughters won't ever struggle with Eating Disorders, low self-worth, or a desire to give themselves away for the promise of love.
My husband and I have both talked extensively on this subject, and we agree with each other on this.
Most important, we feel is that our kids understand that no matter how badly they mess up it won't effect our love for them or God's love for them.
(My hubby might go to jail for murdering my daughters Boyfriends, but he still loves her:)
That is my best understanding of how to raise my kids. I am sure I will have to "prohibit" a few things as they go through their teen years, but they should be wise enough to make their own choices by then and be treated as adults. (adolescence is a western myth that allows people to act like kids with adult responsibilities and bodies and no accountability for the damage they cause)

[East of Eden]

The general consensus among adults is that teenagers shouldn't engage in sex. Some reasons they use are pregnancy, STDs, and the sin of adultery. But science has come to the point where the chances of the first two are extremely low if proper precaution is taken. Condoms can stave of STDs and pregnancy, and they're available for both men and women. And besides that, when it comes to pregnancy, we have birth control, the morning pill, and abortion, though the last one might not be a real option for some time.

So the first two are easily solved. But what about that last one? We know that the U.S. is full of many people who identify themselves as Christians. There are certain parts of the Bible that they hold dear, and wouldn't dare break. At least, in an everyday situation. But when it comes to sex, I think that a majority of them are quite lax.

Guttmacher Institute Statistic; 2012
NCBI Trend in Premarital Sex; 1953-2003

This one here's for any who say Christian kids don't.
Christianity Today Article - Teenage Sex

As we can see, premarital sex is quite common, even among those of faith. The thing is, here in America, we seem to ignore this fact. Many people tell their children not to have sex and never bring it back up. In sex ed classes, children are taught the same thing year after year. That men has sperm, women have ovaries, that if you have sex you can get pregnant and STDs. But never does anyone acknowledge that teenagers do have sex and they do get pregnant and spread STDs. Most sex ed classes don't even pass out condoms. It seems the adult population chooses to close their eyes.

My question is this. Do you think that parents and other adults in the life of teenagers should prohibit sex? Or should they instead acknowledge that they do and give teenagers the means to it safely? Also, whatever your stance, do you think it is a matter or morals, ethics, or logic?

Prohibit, on all three counts. An unmarried pregnant girl is really behind the 8-ball. If young people will finish high school, get any job, and not have a child out of wedlock, their chances of ending up in poverty are very small. It's almost like God know what He was talking about.

[bluethread]

My question is this. Do you think that parents and other adults in the life of teenagers should prohibit sex? Or should they instead acknowledge that they do and give teenagers the means to it safely? Also, whatever your stance, do you think it is a matter or morals, ethics, or logic?

There are many adults that shouldn't have sex. They are irresponsible, to say the least. Should we, as a society, prohibit them from having sex?
It may sound silly, but the point it this:
there's a certain amount of maturity that should accompany sexual activity. Simply because one is "a teenager" doesn't mean they have that maturity. Likewise, because someone's an "adult" doesn't mean they have that maturity either.
Therefore, sex and sexual activity should be prefaced with responsibility and knowledge. Simply prohibiting sex nets nothing other than a future mis-understanding of sex itself IMO.

That is how it used to be not long ago, but the civil libertarians have gotten rid of such restriction, ie on people with downes syndrome. I personally think that this is an issue that is much too complicated to be handled by anything beyond local legislation. The reason why these things rise to the level of federal legislation is that some federal legislators believe that people should not have to bear the consequences of their actions. Therefore, if the feds are going to bail people out, they get to micromanage their lives. If we are going to reduce parental authority, what would be the alternative? How does a society enforce responsibility and education except on a case by case basis?