Violence in Childrearing

[McCulloch]

Do not hold back discipline from the child,
Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
You shall strike him with the rod
And rescue his soul from Sheol.

Is there a place for physical violence as part of childrearing?

[sledheavy]

Any parent that spanks is just too lazy to find the trigger that would make the child respond to the loving motives for action instead of the fear motive.

Yeah that does seem to lead towards a more general consensus for those opposed. The idea that the parent isn't trying hard enough or taking the easier way out. Idk, I don't think that you or I believe it's a general cop-out amongst everyone that does it.

I mean it's a given to the most obvious child-rearing parents put up with enough to lead them to that point. But there are enough parents that are willing to explain why they did it, and I'm confident in their choices.

On the other hand, the family dog got more respect from my father than myself. I wanted to be left alone, and he didn't know any other non-violent way to handle the situation, so there was no relationship. The point I want to make by this is not only do I wish he actually had kicked me in the pants a few times. But that I'd rather him do it and give some positive light to the situation. The times he did were out of his own anger and frustrations, and you're right, that solves nothing.

Any relationship that ends in a physicality, and afterwards ends with the two not communicating is probably THE WORST possible situation for any relationship. I would hope that wouldn't happen to anyone, because you're left alone to think, feel, hate and dwell, and afterward it's just assumed everything's alright.

That's psychologically horrific.

But if you actually talk it out, grab a beer, do something together, it'll be remembered as a stupid, yet bonding moment between you'll look happily back on. If actions are explained it still envokes intelligent reasons and responses.

If it strenghtened the relationship in anyway, I would think even god would be happy with what's happened.

But it's a choice nonetheless.

[Greatest I Am]

Regards
DL

[Mcstar51]

What happened to children learn what they live? I believe that if a child lives with violence then they will learn that that is the way to live. There are other ways to teach kids the difference between right and wrong.
Is violence right? Or is it wrong?
You'll be giving your child mixed messages here if you spank your child. You'll be telling them that is it acceptable to hit other people.
If you teach your child to love and forgive then they will learn to love and forgive. Children learn the difference between right and wrong with love, not hate. So don't show them any hate.

[Simon_Peter]

Hello,

What warrants a smack.

You stole some sweats, i will get a baseball bat out and teach you the wrongs of your ways... sounds stupid

[bookworm]

Personally, I believe you should never strike your child with an instrument (rod, spoon, spatula, paddle, whip, etc. etc.) The reason for this is that, without direct contact, you cannot know how hard you're striking. An adult shouldn't strike a child as hard as they can, just hard enough to get their attention and cause a sharp, unpleasant sensation. No one should strike their child in anger, they should be in complete control of themselves. Losing control and striking a child will do nothing but cause them to fear, and children shouldn't fear their parents.

That said, in certain situations I do advocate spankings. These situations are when children are putting themselves into danger. My brothers and I all got a spanking when we ran away from our mom towards traffic. It wasn't a beating, she didn't cause any lasting damage and the pain faded in less than a minute, but it was enough to give us a tangible reason (at two years old) NOT to run away from our mother.

I think that once a child reaches an age where the parent can reason with them spanking is no longer necessary. When the child can understand why what they did was wrong, and can feel bad for what they did (empathy, sympathy, shame, etc.) then they don't need physical discipline. This is at about age five or six. At this age other punishments become more negative. A two year old, when sat in a corner, will be sad for just long enough for the pretty colors in the wallpaper to grab their attention. Whereas a six year old will know that their parents are disappointed, know why their parents are disappointed, and will think about their actions. (Or at least I did when I was six.)