Dad, mom ...I'm ...um, I'm gay

[KCKID]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

[Sir Hamilton]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay?

I would be disappointed

Why? Is the life task of your son/daughter not to be who they are but simply not to disappoint you?

and since they are my child then they would have known what i believed about homosexuality.

What has 'their knowing what YOU believed about homosexuality' got to do with their BEING homosexual?

I wouldn't have need of telling them how this lifestyle is sinful and rebellious to how the Creator intended mankind to live.

Do YOU live according to the myriad of commands and instructions 'to mankind' as given by 'the Creator' in the Old Testament? I would say, "No way!" So ...why would your son/daughter be held to the myriad of commands and instructions as given in the OT that YOU don't keep? Isn't that somewhat hypocritical?

I would tell them i love them and always will and will pray that they stop living that sinful lifestyle.

What if, as often happens, your prayers are unanswered ...? Do you eventually accept them 'as is'? Or, are the words from a book that you've been led to believe condemn homosexuality more important than your son/daughter?

Whoa now settle down. You asked a simple question and i answered it. I sense alot of hatred and judgment in your response to me. Would you like for me to pray for you?

[KCKID]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay?

I would be disappointed

Why? Is the life task of your son/daughter not to be who they are but simply not to disappoint you?

and since they are my child then they would have known what i believed about homosexuality.

What has 'their knowing what YOU believed about homosexuality' got to do with their BEING homosexual?

I wouldn't have need of telling them how this lifestyle is sinful and rebellious to how the Creator intended mankind to live.

Do YOU live according to the myriad of commands and instructions 'to mankind' as given by 'the Creator' in the Old Testament? I would say, "No way!" So ...why would your son/daughter be held to the myriad of commands and instructions as given in the OT that YOU don't keep? Isn't that somewhat hypocritical?

I would tell them i love them and always will and will pray that they stop living that sinful lifestyle.

What if, as often happens, your prayers are unanswered ...? Do you eventually accept them 'as is'? Or, are the words from a book that you've been led to believe condemn homosexuality more important than your son/daughter?

Whoa now settle down. You asked a simple question and i answered it. I sense alot of hatred and judgment in your response to me. Would you like for me to pray for you?

Sorry about that, Sir Hamilton. It's just that I've sensed a degree of mockery and sarcasm and a lack of humility in your previous posts and I responded accordingly. My bad . . .

As for praying for me ...why not? One or two prayers prayed for me might not go astray

[Joab]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay?

I would be disappointed and since they are my child then they would have known what i believed about homosexuality. I wouldn't have need of telling them how this lifestyle is sinful and rebellious to how the Creator intended mankind to live. I would tell them i love them and always will and will pray that they stop living that sinful lifestyle.

Why wouldn't you hug him/her and reassure them that that is the way god made them and god can do no wrong?

Who is god?

I was under the impression you knew that, have you lost your faith?

[KCKID]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

I notice that, when someone responded honestly to you, you went into full bore attack mode...and you need to think about your post.

Yes, I did and I've already addressed this with the person in question.

There is a difference between saying 'I'm attracted to people of my own sex,' and "Mom, Dad, because I'm attracted to my own sex, I'm going to throw everything you've ever taught me about morality, honor and pure medical self defense and have sex with anybody who winks at me."

I'm not sure where that came from. I asked only how a Christian parent would respond if told by their son/daughter that they were gay.

You are equating 'homosexual desires" with 'the homosexual lifestyle." What the heck IS that, anyway? What does a gay person do when living a 'homosexual lifestyle' that a heterosexual does not do--except when dealing with matters of sexual intercourse? Seems to me that there is nothing about being attracted to one's own sex that removes one's ability to choose what one DOES about that attraction.

Again, none of the above was inferred in my OP.

Personally, I taught my children that sex was too important an aspect of any relationship to spend it like it was pocket change; wait for the 'right' person and marry him/her first. I never regretted doing it that way...and I would be exactly as saddened by a heterosexual child having sex with multiple partners as I would a homosexual child doing the same thing, and for precisely the same reason.

While I can understand this I think you're reading more into my OP than is necessary ...at this point anyway. I didn't say anything about 'sex with multiple partners' or anything about sex at all.

For me it would be harder, because my own belief system teaches that marriage can be eternal, and that it must be between opposite sexes; men and women complete each other as a team in a way that same sex partners simply cannot, in an eternal sense. However, that's my belief system. Those who do not believe as I do need to find their own ideas. A child of mine who goes against those teachings (whether homosexual or heterosexual) breaks my heart--but doesn't lose my love, or my participation in his/her life. Whether s/he likes that part or not.

So, you would be okay with your gay son/daughter 'finding their own ideas' ...? Nice to know that you would not want to distance yourself from them.

[KCKID]

Over the years I think we've all read about, heard about or seen examples of parents responding in extremely harsh manner when told by their son/daughter that they are gay. Below is the link to a short video that dramatizes the reaction of a 'Christian' father toward his son on finding out that his son is gay. It would appear that this type of response from religious parents (or parent in this case) is rather typical in many cases ...as are some of the tragic outcomes for the gay son/daughter.

[dianaiad]

So, you would be okay with your gay son/daughter 'finding their own ideas' ...?

Define 'OK with." If you mean...would I be delighted for them, support them fully in their choices and tell them that it doesn't matter what I taught them all their lives, and that the belief system they grew up in, and in which I still fervently believed, didn't apply to them any more and whatever they chose to do would be just dandy in God's eyes as well as mine?

Nope, that wouldn't happen. They would know I was lying through my teeth anyway.

Tell me: if one of your children came to you and said "Mom, Dad...I just robbed a bank and hid the money under your porch," or "Mom, Dad...I just joined a cult that wants me to handle snakes, drink poison and give it my inheritance" what would YOU do? Would you be all giddy support?

Nice to know that you would not want to distance yourself from them.

I'm not certain you meant to, but dang if that statement didn't come off more than a little bit condescending.

To respond, though.... I wouldn't distance myself from them. I wouldn't be unkind to their partners. If they had a permanent partner, married or not, I would invite them to all the family gatherings and love them for who they are. However, I would rather expect them to respect MY views on this, too, and not expect me to be ecstatically supportive, and to throw out all my convictions because of their choices.

[KCKID]

So, you would be okay with your gay son/daughter 'finding their own ideas' ...?

Define 'OK with." If you mean...would I be delighted for them, support them fully in their choices and tell them that it doesn't matter what I taught them all their lives, and that the belief system they grew up in, and in which I still fervently believed, didn't apply to them any more and whatever they chose to do would be just dandy in God's eyes as well as mine?

Nope, that wouldn't happen. They would know I was lying through my teeth anyway.

However, your kids are now 'all growed up' and can make their own decisions about life and how they want to live it. This, of course, wouldn't mean that you have to forfeit any concerns that you might have about their life and their lifestyle and their well-being. You love them and it's your parental instinct to want the best for them. As you say, they would already know how you feel. As for your reference to God, they may have a different take on 'God' than you do. When you say 'God' do you mean an actual 'being' or the words from a book?

Tell me: if one of your children came to you and said "Mom, Dad...I just robbed a bank and hid the money under your porch," or "Mom, Dad...I just joined a cult that wants me to handle snakes, drink poison and give it my inheritance" what would YOU do? Would you be all giddy support?

Perhaps not but I would hardly equate what you say above with, "Mom, dad, I'm gay."

Nice to know that you would not want to distance yourself from them.

I'm not certain you meant to, but dang if that statement didn't come off more than a little bit condescending.

Sorry. On re-reading that remark I can understand why you might have thought it to be condescending. It does come across as being rather flippant at least. Please believe me ...I in no way intended that remark to sound condescending. I should have said that, despite your hearing such a statement coming from your child (that they are gay) that would go against your own personal beliefs, you would not react in the way that some Christian parents have done when told.

To respond, though.... I wouldn't distance myself from them. I wouldn't be unkind to their partners. If they had a permanent partner, married or not, I would invite them to all the family gatherings and love them for who they are. However, I would rather expect them to respect MY views on this, too, and not expect me to be ecstatically supportive, and to throw out all my convictions because of their choices.

That's fair enough. However, while their 'choices' might not gel with your own particular convictions regarding moral issues, their 'sexuality per se' may not have anything to do with 'choice'.

[Wootah]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay? Without revealing any more than you need to, has this actually happened to any of you ...either as a gay son/daughter or as a parent?

I notice that, when someone responded honestly to you, you went into full bore attack mode...and you need to think about your post. There is a difference between saying 'I'm attracted to people of my own sex,' and "Mom, Dad, because I'm attracted to my own sex, I'm going to throw everything you've ever taught me about morality, honor and pure medical self defense and have sex with anybody who winks at me."

You are equating 'homosexual desires" with 'the homosexual lifestyle." What the heck IS that, anyway? What does a gay person do when living a 'homosexual lifestyle' that a heterosexual does not do--except when dealing with matters of sexual intercourse? Seems to me that there is nothing about being attracted to one's own sex that removes one's ability to choose what one DOES about that attraction.

Personally, I taught my children that sex was too important an aspect of any relationship to spend it like it was pocket change; wait for the 'right' person and marry him/her first. I never regretted doing it that way...and I would be exactly as saddened by a heterosexual child having sex with multiple partners as I would a homosexual child doing the same thing, and for precisely the same reason.

For me it would be harder, because my own belief system teaches that marriage can be eternal, and that it must be between opposite sexes; men and women complete each other as a team in a way that same sex partners simply cannot, in an eternal sense. However, that's my belief system. Those who do not believe as I do need to find their own ideas. A child of mine who goes against those teachings (whether homosexual or heterosexual) breaks my heart--but doesn't lose my love, or my participation in his/her life. Whether s/he likes that part or not.

Hi Di,

Matthew 22:30 (ESV) 30 For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

I think we will always know our partners in Heaven but it doesn't seem to be an eternal thing? I always thought Mormons used the Bible plus some other books. Do Mormons read Matthew?

[Sir Hamilton]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay?

I would be disappointed and since they are my child then they would have known what i believed about homosexuality. I wouldn't have need of telling them how this lifestyle is sinful and rebellious to how the Creator intended mankind to live. I would tell them i love them and always will and will pray that they stop living that sinful lifestyle.

Why wouldn't you hug him/her and reassure them that that is the way god made them and god can do no wrong?

Who is god?

I was under the impression you knew that, have you lost your faith?

I know who God is, but I wasn't sure which god you were referring to...there are many gods. We're you referring to God?

[Sir Hamilton]

The title/subtitle says it all. This scenario must have occurred many, many times. We've all heard, read or seen instances of this and the types of responses that parents of their gay children have given. While we only seem to have a handful of vocal anti-gay Christians on this forum, I'm genuinely curious as to how they would react if their son or daughter came to them and told them that they're gay. Others, feel free to offer your input.

The question again: How would you (a Christian) respond to your son or your daughter coming out to you that they are gay?

I would be disappointed

Why? Is the life task of your son/daughter not to be who they are but simply not to disappoint you?

and since they are my child then they would have known what i believed about homosexuality.

What has 'their knowing what YOU believed about homosexuality' got to do with their BEING homosexual?

I wouldn't have need of telling them how this lifestyle is sinful and rebellious to how the Creator intended mankind to live.

Do YOU live according to the myriad of commands and instructions 'to mankind' as given by 'the Creator' in the Old Testament? I would say, "No way!" So ...why would your son/daughter be held to the myriad of commands and instructions as given in the OT that YOU don't keep? Isn't that somewhat hypocritical?

I would tell them i love them and always will and will pray that they stop living that sinful lifestyle.

What if, as often happens, your prayers are unanswered ...? Do you eventually accept them 'as is'? Or, are the words from a book that you've been led to believe condemn homosexuality more important than your son/daughter?

Whoa now settle down. You asked a simple question and i answered it. I sense alot of hatred and judgment in your response to me. Would you like for me to pray for you?

Sorry about that, Sir Hamilton. It's just that I've sensed a degree of mockery and sarcasm and a lack of humility in your previous posts and I responded accordingly. My bad . . .

As for praying for me ...why not? One or two prayers prayed for me might not go astray

I was sincere in my original answer to your question. I will certainly say a prayer for you....we all could use some prayer.