Well, I will do something. As God, I promise to do better--much, much better. The first thing I will do if I'm elected God is to shut down that horrible hell created by the current administration and truly "set the captives free" and "wipe every tear from their eyes."
I won't neglect the hell here on earth either. I will feed the hungry, house the homeless, clothe the naked (unless they work as strippers), cure and heal the sick and injured, free the prisoners and grant love to the lonely. I will grant these blessings to everybody everywhere and for all time. I don't care what anybody believes or if they love me or even believe I exist. My blessings will be granted to all without discrimination and without hesitation. Never again will anybody ever experience pain of any kind.
You'll all have heaven right here, right now.
But I can only do it if I'm elected God. So as you all arrive at the polls to vote, please remember that a vote for Jagella is a vote for heaven for all to be granted as soon as I take office.
Admit it, wouldn't you really want a kinder, gentler God?
