Is Zzyzx a Deist?

[Zzyzx]

Is Zzyzx a Deist?

Under intense and brilliant cross examination I must admit that Zzyzx has been a “closet” believer all along. The screen name Zzyzx is taken from scripture. The original ZZ was a doubter who became a disciple and prophet.

The true god is NOT the false god of Christianity. The REAL deity is EB – Easter Bunny.

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, EB came down from heaven, hopped around the Earth for a while, hopped on water, then hopped right up into the sky and became invisible – just like the Big Momma Rabbit that created the universe. Some believe that EB is BMR, but there is some disagreement among eminent EB theologians on this matter – so they compromise and say that EB and BMR and their PR agent morphed into one.

The TRUE accounts are written in the Great Book of Rabbit, which is a collection of writings by unknown authors writing at unknown times in Klingon (the language of HER rabbit people and others). The writings were gathered by devout EB Believers to form the Great Book of Rabbit after all truthful writings were eliminated. The book has been translated through many languages and was transcribed by hand to make copies of copies of copies of copies (over hundreds of years). However it remains as the infallible Word of Rabbit.

Those who wrote accounts of the great super-rabbit feats of EB had not actually seen EB, but they had heard wondrous stories of miracles from others who had heard them from others and so forth back several generations. All of these accounts are absolutely true because they say they are and sometimes different accounts say the same things if the differences are ignored and the errors overlooked. Just believe and don’t ask questions.

There is no mention of EB in non-rabbit writings of those times because all non-rabbit people are too stupid to see EB and HER miracles. The ignorant non-believers will never be admitted to the Great Easter Basket in the sky after they die. No one can be admitted, no matter what they do, unless they believe in EB, accept HER as savior, worship on their knees, and contribute to the Rabbit Welfare Fund (to build Rabbit Houses throughout the world and pay Rabbit Prophets and Preachers).

Infidels claim that the Great Book of Rabbit sounds like a lot of gibberish, but EB Believers know that it is the divinely inspired Word of Rabbit that provides the guiding light and a perfect guide to living. It is sacred and infallible. The parts that are “unclear” are merely an indication that humans cannot understand all that is known by EB. Some passages need interpretation by devout EB followers to mean whatever they say they mean. The parts about killing each other should be ignored unless EB believers are in power, in which case the killing should proceed according to the Great Book.

EB answers prayers if SHE feels like it (which approximates the frequency which would be expected if chance were acting alone). SHE punishes people who are “wicked” and “evil” (meaning they refuse to worship HER) – often by making them be born crippled. SHE works in mysterious ways. SHE knows all things, past, present and future. HER followers are vastly superior to all the stupid schmucks who don’t worship HER.

EB loves all humans that worship HER, but HATES and kills those who reject HER. SHE once brought a Great Flatulence upon the Earth to kill all living things so SHE could start over and make fewer mistakes. The flatulence lasted forty days and forty nights and killed everybody. SHE started over and made the same mistakes the second time around AF (after The Flatulence), but SHE is still all-knowing and perfect (but maybe a little forgetful because SHE is getting really old).

SHE HATES wicked and evil men – and women and children (even the evil unborn who don’t’ whorship right) – but especially men -- UNLESS they believe in HER and worship HER on their knees according to The Great Book of Rabbit and abstain from all <shudder> sex. Of course, SHE hates homosexuals and heterosexuals and asexuals. SHE hates sex because it is dirty and nasty. That is why she is a Virgin, just like HER Mother. She demands total chastity and abstinence for two generations to assure sainthood.

In HER benevolence, SHE has created a big pot of stew into which all wicked and evil souls will go after the wicked and evil people die. There the souls will be boiled for eternity. Stew is under the Earth, which we all know is flat, with heaven above. Good souls go up; bad go down – for eternity. If that isn’t enough to scare people into believing they should go to Stew and live with all the fallen rabbits who defied GMR and had sex (that is the meaning of “gaining knowledge” – which doesn’t mean getting smart, it means getting . . . . . sex).

Every person’s salvation is guaranteed if they will just worship EB and maintain abstinence in order to be saved from eternal damnation. It is the duty of each EB Believer to convert others to the faith by witnessing to them about the glories of rabbit-hood and about being saved. Those who reject EB or who insist upon believing in other rabbits should be killed for their own good, in the name of rabbit.

EB believers are superior to non-believers, heretics, infidels, Atheists, Agnostics, Christians, Muslims, Hindus and everybody else. EB worshipers are “saved” and are going to the Great Easter Basket in the sky when they die (so obviously, they are better than everyone else). True believers hop around a lot and become hopping mad and righteously hostile, combative and warlike when anyone expresses doubt that EB is real. They even froth at the mouth occasionally and spit when they talk or shout.

EB is a kind and loving rabbit. Everyone should try to be like HER and not like the imposters who claim to be gods, but who are actually fallen rabbits who try to inspire hatred and warfare among humans. SHE is real. If you have trouble believing that, ask and it shall be said again and again until all the fools believe.

Salvation can be assured by sending a substantial cash donation to RWF, #5, App Way, Logos, Nigeria. Those making donations in excess of $10,000 USD will be blessed with a waiver of all requirements including belief and worship.

May you be saved.

Question for debate: Is this satire or is EB as credible as CG?

[McCulloch]

I would say it is satire. The difference being the number of people who seem to honestly believe.

[Cathar1950]

I would say it is satire. The difference being the number of people who seem to honestly believe.

There are people that a believe many unbelievable things.
I have purchased and made way to many Easter Baskets to believe he is either lazy, not real, or I am doing his work and helping spread the joy of Easter Baskets.

I was reading of a satire some Greco-Roman wrote about a leader of the early Jesus movements. I keep thinking 2nd or 3rd century because many thought it was about Polycarp or one of them.
It sounded like Paul.

[Biker]

Is Zzyzx a Deist?

Under intense and brilliant cross examination I must admit that Zzyzx has been a “closet” believer all along. The screen name Zzyzx is taken from scripture. The original ZZ was a doubter who became a disciple and prophet.

The true god is NOT the false god of Christianity. The REAL deity is EB – Easter Bunny.

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, EB came down from heaven, hopped around the Earth for a while, hopped on water, then hopped right up into the sky and became invisible – just like the Big Momma Rabbit that created the universe. Some believe that EB is BMR, but there is some disagreement among eminent EB theologians on this matter – so they compromise and say that EB and BMR and their PR agent morphed into one.

The TRUE accounts are written in the Great Book of Rabbit, which is a collection of writings by unknown authors writing at unknown times in Klingon (the language of HER rabbit people and others). The writings were gathered by devout EB Believers to form the Great Book of Rabbit after all truthful writings were eliminated. The book has been translated through many languages and was transcribed by hand to make copies of copies of copies of copies (over hundreds of years). However it remains as the infallible Word of Rabbit.

Those who wrote accounts of the great super-rabbit feats of EB had not actually seen EB, but they had heard wondrous stories of miracles from others who had heard them from others and so forth back several generations. All of these accounts are absolutely true because they say they are and sometimes different accounts say the same things if the differences are ignored and the errors overlooked. Just believe and don’t ask questions.

There is no mention of EB in non-rabbit writings of those times because all non-rabbit people are too stupid to see EB and HER miracles. The ignorant non-believers will never be admitted to the Great Easter Basket in the sky after they die. No one can be admitted, no matter what they do, unless they believe in EB, accept HER as savior, worship on their knees, and contribute to the Rabbit Welfare Fund (to build Rabbit Houses throughout the world and pay Rabbit Prophets and Preachers).

Infidels claim that the Great Book of Rabbit sounds like a lot of gibberish, but EB Believers know that it is the divinely inspired Word of Rabbit that provides the guiding light and a perfect guide to living. It is sacred and infallible. The parts that are “unclear” are merely an indication that humans cannot understand all that is known by EB. Some passages need interpretation by devout EB followers to mean whatever they say they mean. The parts about killing each other should be ignored unless EB believers are in power, in which case the killing should proceed according to the Great Book.

EB answers prayers if SHE feels like it (which approximates the frequency which would be expected if chance were acting alone). SHE punishes people who are “wicked” and “evil” (meaning they refuse to worship HER) – often by making them be born crippled. SHE works in mysterious ways. SHE knows all things, past, present and future. HER followers are vastly superior to all the stupid schmucks who don’t worship HER.

EB loves all humans that worship HER, but HATES and kills those who reject HER. SHE once brought a Great Flatulence upon the Earth to kill all living things so SHE could start over and make fewer mistakes. The flatulence lasted forty days and forty nights and killed everybody. SHE started over and made the same mistakes the second time around AF (after The Flatulence), but SHE is still all-knowing and perfect (but maybe a little forgetful because SHE is getting really old).

SHE HATES wicked and evil men – and women and children (even the evil unborn who don’t’ whorship right) – but especially men -- UNLESS they believe in HER and worship HER on their knees according to The Great Book of Rabbit and abstain from all <shudder> sex. Of course, SHE hates homosexuals and heterosexuals and asexuals. SHE hates sex because it is dirty and nasty. That is why she is a Virgin, just like HER Mother. She demands total chastity and abstinence for two generations to assure sainthood.

In HER benevolence, SHE has created a big pot of stew into which all wicked and evil souls will go after the wicked and evil people die. There the souls will be boiled for eternity. Stew is under the Earth, which we all know is flat, with heaven above. Good souls go up; bad go down – for eternity. If that isn’t enough to scare people into believing they should go to Stew and live with all the fallen rabbits who defied GMR and had sex (that is the meaning of “gaining knowledge” – which doesn’t mean getting smart, it means getting . . . . . sex).

Every person’s salvation is guaranteed if they will just worship EB and maintain abstinence in order to be saved from eternal damnation. It is the duty of each EB Believer to convert others to the faith by witnessing to them about the glories of rabbit-hood and about being saved. Those who reject EB or who insist upon believing in other rabbits should be killed for their own good, in the name of rabbit.

EB believers are superior to non-believers, heretics, infidels, Atheists, Agnostics, Christians, Muslims, Hindus and everybody else. EB worshipers are “saved” and are going to the Great Easter Basket in the sky when they die (so obviously, they are better than everyone else). True believers hop around a lot and become hopping mad and righteously hostile, combative and warlike when anyone expresses doubt that EB is real. They even froth at the mouth occasionally and spit when they talk or shout.

EB is a kind and loving rabbit. Everyone should try to be like HER and not like the imposters who claim to be gods, but who are actually fallen rabbits who try to inspire hatred and warfare among humans. SHE is real. If you have trouble believing that, ask and it shall be said again and again until all the fools believe.

Salvation can be assured by sending a substantial cash donation to RWF, #5, App Way, Logos, Nigeria. Those making donations in excess of $10,000 USD will be blessed with a waiver of all requirements including belief and worship.

May you be saved.

Question for debate: Is this satire or is EB as credible as CG?

Question for debate: Should you be allowed to start anymore threads?
This is pure nonsense.
Just like your deist one.

Biker

[bernee51]

Question for debate: Should you be allowed to start anymore threads?

Of course he should - at least he has shown he is willing ti think rather than just buy into an obvious myth as if it was fact.

This is pure nonsense.

You have consisteny shown that anything you do not agree with you think to be 'nonsense'. What have you done to show why anyone should give you any credence?

Just like your deist one.

Look at the title - this is the deist one.